- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
Huuuuge problem. My best friend for over 6 years has been weird ever since we both got engaged last year (we’ll call her J). We were the type of BFF’s that call every week and talk 2+ hours, visit every couple of months (we live a state apart), share our deepest secrets, best friends with each other’s moms, etc. I’ll also say straight up that I’ve been a SUPER chill bride, haven’t asked ANYTHING of my BM’s except buying the dress, which they got to choose themselves.
Anyway, J started being cagey about her wedding date back in July and sort of made it clear she didn’t want to get married, but her parents were pressuring her to. I kept asking her about the date, but she never told me. She eventually said that she only wanted her parents and his parents there, and effectively told me I wasn’t invited. Come November, both her fiance and her mom called me inviting me to the wedding (which was in 2 weeks). They said that J was stressed and would regret not inviting me later, and that I should come anyway. I didn’t, because it was her wedding, and she made it clear that she didn’t want any more than 4 people there.
Ever since, she’s been extremely standoffish both in our friendship context and in the wedding context. She was my Maid/Matron of Honor, and we started planning the bachelorette party in February (it was going to be a trip to VA Beach, which is super close to both of us). We were almost done planning and picking a budget hotel, when she randomly emails me and says, “DH and I talked about it and we can’t afford for me to come to your bachelorette party, but I’ll still help you plan it.” I was devastated (especially b/c my Fiance offered to pay for our hotel). However, I told her it was ok, and took her up on her planning offer. She ignored my email, and after another email and phone call and text (within 1-2 weeks of each other), I realized she was purposely ignoring me. She didn’t talk to me until May (2 months later), when I asked to talk.
Long story short, that conversation in May did nothing. She didn’t apologize for anything, and tried to change the subject to her funny work stories. Ever since, she’s ignored little things here and there, like my bridal shower invitation (which is today), Facebook posts…plus she hasn’t made any attempt to get in touch with me, even to chat.
So fast forward to now…she is no longer Maid/Matron of Honor, I asked another friend to take over and J seemed weirdly apathetic about it. J doesn’t call or try to talk to me anymore. (PS – I also have a strong gut feeling that all this has nothing to do with money, b/c she lives at home by choice, in separate bedrooms from her hubby I might add, has no living expenses, and is a 9-5 working professional making more money than all 6 of the BM’s combined).
Could you guys give me an idea of what might be going on, and what I should do? Should I stop trying to get in touch with her (even though I only try once a month these days)? I always wondered why I was her only friend, and I think now I understand why. She refuses to have a “real” conversation with me about what’s going on, because I’ve tried already multiple times. But please tell me what to do!