(Closed) BM/Friend asking what everything is costing us

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My friends have asked me how much the ring costs, and the budget for the wedding.  I’m not offended, but we have that type of friendship.  If she’s planning her own wedding (or thinking of planning one) she might just be curious.  If these things bother you, just be evasive and say “I’m not sure” or “it cost a lot” or “not that much” etc.  If she presses you, you might just have to say that you aren’t comfortable discussing it.

Post # 4
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Maybe she is trying to get an idea as far as what to expect to pay when her turn finally comes? She obviously doesn’t realize that it is making you uncomfortable. Money just isn’t a big deal to some, and to others it’s a huge no-no. I know some of my friends have asked me in passing what X, Y, or Z is costing. I’m the first of my friends to get married so it is new to all of us. I’m not insulted or bothered by their curiousity and I know they mean absolutely nothing by it. I really don’t think it’s a big deal, but those are MY boundaries not yours.

It sounds like otherwise she has been a great friend and help to you, so it is best to put it out there in the open so you don’t start to resent her for something so benign. Let her know that it makes you uncomfortable, and then forget about it and move on. Don’t sit around stewing about it because it really (IMO) isn’t a reason to get upset with someone. I’m sure if she knew how uncomfortable it was making you she would hold her tongue.

Post # 5
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have one friend who has been particularly interested.  It’s because she’s considering her options for a wedding.  I sent her my entire budget spreadsheet detailing every penny i’ve spent. 

In the beginning of my planning i had a couple of aquaintenances share their cost info with me.  I really appreciated it as it helped me figure out if things were inline with average or high.

Post # 6
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

My bridesman’s wife kept saying things during the planning process like, “that must have cost a fortune”, “oh wow, I’m sure that was pricey”, and she did ask if my parents were helping (which they weren’t). At first it bothered me.  Then I just brushed it off.  I started telling her how much things cost.  I didn’t know if it was jealousy or just plain curiousity.

Post # 8
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think she just wants a ballpark since she is thinking about her own wedding.  I usually don’t share this kind of stuff with people either, but it truly does help to know what others paid for stuff.  Some people are more open with talking about money than others, and I think if she’s a good friend who’s about to get married, it’s not really rude of her to ask you.

Post # 9
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

My mom keeps asking for price breakdowns but she and my dad are paying for half of our wedding so she can ask whatever she wants. My Maid/Matron of Honor has asked me about the cost of my ring, price per head, etc but it doesn’t bother me. I guess it depends on the type of relationship you have. She’s been my best friend for almost 15 years so there’s not much that she could ask me that would make me uncomfortable. 

Post # 10
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’ve never been one who thought money was a “taboo” topic, so I’ll discuss it fairly openly with anybody who asks.  I didn’t really have anybody that I thought was invasive though.  I think most people were just generally curious and filing the info away for future reference.

Post # 11
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont like people asking me the price of things.. I think its a bit rude. I have one Bridesmaid or Best Man who kept constantly wanting to know how much a I spent of every tiny thing, she only likes things that are expensive apparently and can never say something is nice unless she knows it cost a fortune ick i cant stand snobs

Post # 12
2742 posts
Sugar bee

@bells: Well then it depends on the person. I guess for me it’s not a big deal. If I’m close enough to you to make you my Bridesmaid or Best Man, then you can ask away. My BM’s are my two sisters and a friend I’ve known for about 22 years so basically a sister. They know how much a lot of things cost. My sister is getting married next year and my best friend got married last year so you best believe costs and prices have been floating around for a while.

Post # 13
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i get this quite a bit, but im not terribly offended- im pretty open about money.  i guess a lot of it depends on how you were raised (politics and religion and money were all open topics in my house).  if someone random asked me in a rude way, though, i probably would be evasive or tell them something non-commital like “plenty!” or if she asks how much your parents are contributing again, you can give her a percentage.

Post # 14
4653 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I dont mind telling on somethings but yes i agree with not saying how much the ring costs… But i dont see a problem with venue IMO she is probably just trying to figure out costs… I wish i would have asked more questios to friends because i feel like i was completly blind sided by “wedding prices”

Post # 15
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My best friend/MOH knows pretty much how much things cost but she’s like a sister to me, we’ve been best friends since we were 2 so I don’t mind telling her. I imagine that in years to come when my friends start getting married they’ll ask for prices as guidance which I don’t mind giving. I don’t get uncomfortable about it unless they’re trying to judge.

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