Post # 1
Hi Bees! Looking for a bit of guidance. We’ve been engaged for approx. 6 months- planning a May 2015 wedding.
For quite some time I’ve known which 5 women I want to ask to be my BM’s (my sister, FI’s sister, and 3 of my good friends.) For logistical reasons- I was planning to ask my sister and FI’s sister at Christmas this year since both do not live locally and they will be home. After reading stories here on the Bee of ladies asking too soon, I thought I’d wait until spring (aprox. 1 year out from the big day) to ask the other 3 BM’s… Then I got to thinking that maybe it’s weird to ask some now and not ask the others until later, I don’t want the 3 friends to feel like an afterthought. I also think it would be nice for everyone to know sooner so they can plan/budget for it. So now I’m just totally confused on what I should do because I could make a solid argument for both sides.
What do you all think, should I ask them all around Christmas? Should I ask the sisters now and wait on the others?
Post # 3
@MissMay3003: I would honestly wait until mid-next year. I am getting married a year earlier than you, and I asked my bridesmaids in August. I have also been engaged since 2010 and knew who I wanted to be in the bridal party since then.
Post # 4
@MissMay3003: I think you’re fine asking all your girls at Christmas! My wedding is April 2015, and I’ve already asked my girls! Like you, I’d known for awhile who I wanted standing by me at my wedding. Also, several are long distance, so I wanted to give them the courtesy of being able to plan ahead and budget for the flight (or multiple flights if they come for other events). If you’d rather wait on asking your friends, I think it’s totally find to ask just the sisters around Christmas and wait to ask your friends. They are from different “groups,” and you’d be asking family first. Nothing wrong with that!
Post # 5
I’d ask family this Christmas and friends a year out from your wedding!
Post # 6
@MissMay3003: I asked everyone a year out from my wedding, but they all un-officially knew since before I even got engaged
It depends on your friends- I have been friends with every one (expect SIL) of my BMs for more than 10 years and in one case, one for 20 years, so I highly highly doubt anything will change since our friendships have survived college and then some. Almost all of them I met in elementary school and the other one I met fresh man year of HS. If you have been friends a long time I don’t see why not!!!
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Don’t ask anyone until 9ish months before the wedding. You are so far away, your wedding day vision may change, your relationships with these people may change, etc. It’s best to wait until significantly closer to your actual weding date.
Post # 8
I would ask them all around the same time or else the friends may think that you asking them was an afterthought. I would also let them know as soon as possible. You may not know their financial situation or their situations may change so I would let them know their responsibilities as soon as possible (think about the bridal shower, bachelorette party, dress, alterations, shoes and accessories, rehearsal dinner, and wedding day not to mention gifts for you and $$$ traveling). Definitely no later than a year out I would say because you need to get their dresses no later than 6 months before the wedding and you need to organize everyone’s schedule if possible to get them together to go dress shopping.
Post # 9
Thanks for the feedback ladies! It’s funny how mixed the responses are on what is best. I’ll have to let you all know what I end up doing 🙂
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
I only had 3 BMs (MOH included). They were all very close friends of mine, and I really never thought about asking anyone else. So, I asked them all pretty much right away and it was never an issue for me.
If you’re close to these 5 girls and confident in your choice, then I don’t see any issues with inviting them to be BMs now. If you think you may actually change your mind later, then delay asking anyone. I would ask all the girls around the same time. Spacing them months apart could be an issue logistic-wise and emotionally for the girls. They should each feel like they’re special to you. They will need time to plan to attend, plan your shower, budget for the dress and other expenses, etc. I’ll go against the grain and vote for sooner rather than later (with the only caveat being that these are all girls you feel confident in asking).