(Closed) BM's Date (a girl) Staying the Night Before?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s okay to treat them like any other couple. If she wants to opt out of the room the night before to be with her partner, she can. 

Post # 5
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Just by virtue of the fact that she is the same gender doesn’t mean she has to be included in the pre-wedding Bridesmaid or Best Man party. I’d treat her like any other significant other.

Post # 6
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Do you think it will be awkward and weird having the gf stay with us for the night?

It’s only awkward if you feel that it is awkward. There are no rules here. You can do what makes you happiest. If you think the situation will be least stressful if you have the gf stay, then have her stay, but if it’s more important to you to keep it to just your BMs, even if that means one of them isn’t there or one of them is grumpy–which she may not be, but it’s a risk–then don’t have her there. I don’t think there is a wrong answer.

Post # 7
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@AnonymousCupcake:  Maybe you can communicate that to her that you want her to be there but that since no other SO’s will be there, etc. I mean are all of your BM’s good friends (mine barely know each other)? Do you want it to just be the BM’s so they can bond before the wedding or so that it can be a mini reunion? Seems like the best policy is always just communicating with the other person. Maybe you could explain to her?

Post # 8
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

@subjunctivitis:  I think this is a good way to approach it as well… OP, tell your Bridesmaid or Best Man that you intended for BMs only to spend time and bond the night before, and that you’d prefer significant others not be included.  You will have to be prepared for the case that your Bridesmaid or Best Man might prefer to stay with her SO at their family’s house rather than bond with the rest of you (although it would be the same situation for any of your other BMs as well).

Post # 10
Member
5405 posts
Bee Keeper

I would ask if her gf can stay with a relative for one night since its your wedding. They will still have lots of time together. 

Post # 11
Member
8359 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@AnonymousCupcake:  Can I aks why the Bridesmaid or Best Man wont leave her Girlfriend with relatives? Is there some negative feelings towards her sexuality/relationship?

I can kind of see where the Bridesmaid or Best Man and Girlfriend might be coming from- it is hard the first time you spend the night with your partners relatives on your own but look at it this way it has to happen one day so why not the night before your wedding?

But if the relatives are anti their relationship I can kind of see why the Girlfriend might not want to stay there alone.

But it is ultimtely upto the Bridesmaid or Best Man to sort it out and I think the only thing you can do is express how important it is to you that she be there but to support her choice whatever it will be.

Post # 13
Member
8359 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@AnonymousCupcake:  I just think you need to take the gender out of the equation. As you said no other BM would expect their partner to come and stay so it should also be the case here. Whilst it is difficult because they are from Out of Town and they are financially strapped but they do have options- stay with BM’s relatives or the Girlfriend not come at all. If I was the Girlfriend I would suck it up for the night because I would understand that this is a pretty special friendship event and that it would be pretty bratty of me to want to deny my partner and her friend this moment when aside from being a little awkward there was no burning issue why I couldn’t stay with my partners relatives.

It is really great that you like to put others people’s feeling ahead of yours- that is the sign of a great friend but I think in this case you need to think about yourself (it is not always a bad thing to do) and just let you Bridesmaid or Best Man know how much it means to you to have her there but unfortunately even though you love her GF to bits you would really prefer it to be just your Bridal Party the night before.

Good luck 🙂

Post # 14
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It wouldn’t make any difference to me, she would have to do what all the other partners are doing. 

Post # 15
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I can see both sides of it. I totally get that you want to spend the night with your BMs, but I also get that her girlfriend would feel awkward staying alone with relatives. I’ve been there before, and I’m sure it’s just because she doesn’t know them well enough to be comfortable staying with them by herself. 

Your only option is to tell her what @subjunctivitis suggested.

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