(Closed) BMs FI kind of insulted me

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow that’s really insensitive of him.  Even if he had those opinions, he should have kept quiet about it in your company.

Post # 4
Member
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You know what? He probably didn’t even realize that you’re not Jewish and just said what he feels. I agree that it’s bad form and he probably should have checked himself and stopped but I really think it sounds like he was talking about a topic he was strongly passionate about and just ran with it. My Jewish friends do this about Germans when I’m in the room all the time, I’ve just had to learn to let it go. But it sucks having to hold your tongue about it, but you have the right attitude, just don’t ask him to marry you and your FH! *hug*

Post # 5
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Eeek!  I’d have said something kinda funny just to watch him squirm.  Idiot.

Post # 6
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I would totally have called him out by responding, “I completely disagree with you, as does my Fiance who has no qualms about marrying a gentile”.  He probably didn’t mean anything by it and it could have been another opportunity for him to learn thru discussion.  I would have been annoyed too though!

Post # 7
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee

I’m also non-Jewish marrying a Jewish guy, and get comments like that sometimes. I’ll usually challenge the person, and they’ll be like, “well, YOU guys are ok, but generally I don’t believe in it.” Really? 

Post # 8
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

LOL, while he is at dinner on Friday night.  Wink

Yeah, it was insensitive, but I think you can blow this guy off, in your head at least. He is in rabbinical school, and not observant in the least, BUT is spouting off about what kind of relationships are good for Judaism? He’s not your problem.

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

These types of situations totally belong in the SNL skit “REALLY?!?” I chalk it up to ignorance. I understand that people have their own views, but I don’t find it cool to passive aggressively insult someone. I don’t know that he meant to do it specifically to you kitty, but I’ve been hearing a lot of this kind of stuff lately. Someone walked up to a friend I have who is 8 months pregnant and commented, “Wow…you’re HUGE! Are you sure there are twins in there?” Wow…way to make a girl feel good about herself! It just irks me when ignorant things are said like that.

Sorry you had to sit through dinner and hear that. I would be upset too…

Post # 12
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Coming from someone who is constantly making foot-in-mouth comments around good friends I care about, I am glad you held your tongue. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve accidentally said something offensive and not actually meant how it was delivered. Clearly if he had that much of a problem with you marrying a Jew, he wouldn’t have agreed to sit at the table with you, it wouldn’t be Kosher 😉

Post # 13
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I’d bet money he was completely unaware of your relationship in that moment but I think a lot of people who hold those kind of views never connect them to real people.  I think it’s a lot easier to be against interfaith marriages if you never think of any actual interfaith couples and it’s important to get people who are intolerant in one way or another to connect their rhetoric to real people and event. 

Another possibility is he might think interfaith marriages are bad for Judaism but good for the people involved and that the happiness of the people involved and their families trumps Judaism.  So he might still support your marriage but think it’s bad for Judaism.  I’m Jewish but I don’t think Judaism is the most important thing there is.

Post # 14
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

please tell me dinner was bacon cheeseburgers? lol

Post # 16
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

coming from a jew, it’s easy to see where he’s coming from, but i also think that he’s generalizing. i have a lot of friends and family in interfaith marraiges and they have completely lost their religion, whether it is because they don’t care or their spouse pushes them away from it. it’s sad to see that, and scary because we don’t want our religion to just die away. but there’s also people like my sil who’s not jewish and doesn’t want to convert, but is currently going to hebrew class with my mom and goes to temple with us. she’s embracing our religion and is more into it than my brother!

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