Post # 1
One of my BM’s lives about 5 1/2 hours away from me. She mentioned her husband may not be able to come with her to the wedding as he has a work thing. But then she said if he can’t come, she’ll just bring her sister along. I can’t tell if she means bring her along so she doesn’t have to drive up alone and stay at the hotel during the wedding (which I don’t think is a big deal for a grown adult to do-I drive to her house by myself quite often) or if she means she plans on bringing her as her date to the wedding as well.
I’m a little confused and not sure what the etiquette is. The invite clearly states her husbands name and not a “plus 1”. We are having a small wedding (100 people) so we’ve had to cut several people off the list-I don’t want her sister I barely know taking up space. My Bridesmaid or Best Man knows other people who will be at the wedding so it’s not like she won’t know anyone at the reception. One of GM’s GF’s can’t come so he’ll be coming to our wedding by himself.
What is the hive’s thoughts? Should I just ask her what she means by bringing her sister? Should I mind if she just assumes her sister can be her date to the wedding or should I just let her bring her? Thanks! 🙂
Post # 3
I’m pretty sure she means bring the sister as her date to the wedding. Ordinarily, if this was just any old guest, I’d say tell her she can’t bring the sister, but since she is your bridesmaid, I’d just let it go and let her bring the sister, especially if single BMs and groomsmen got a plus one.
Post # 4
I am sure she means bringing her sister to the wedding as well. You could ask her to clarify I suppose for seating chart purposes… but I dont necessarily think it is a breech of etiquette per se. I am sure she feels close enough to you being a Bridesmaid or Best Man to let you know in advance so any changes could be made.
Post # 5
It would be nice of you to let her bring her sister, especially since she is traveling to the wedding.
Post # 6
I’m betting she thinks the sister is attending the wedding in lieu of her husband. I’m of the personal belief that Wedding Party members get a +1 of their choice simply because they put a lot of work and money in playing a role in the wedding. But it’s your day, so it’s up to you to decide if having that one extra space is worth it to bring it up. Do you have a single person to fill that spot anyway, or are the other guests you want to invite couples?
Post # 7
Like others- I think you should let her bring her sister- especially if you were already counting her husband as a guest.
Post # 8
For a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I would just let her bring her sister. A 5 1/2 hr drive by your self is a very long drive, and although you are comfortable making the trip alone she may not. Also I would feel very akward being so far away from home by myself. Even if you know people at the wedding it is nice to have someone who will be there to hang out after and before the wedding events begin.
Post # 9
@Beckster329: I agree with this. Since she’s a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I’d let her bring her sister.
Post # 10
5 1/2 hours is a long drive by yourself, or at least it would be for me. I would also want another driver along, so I can understand why your Bridesmaid or Best Man wants her sister along. I hope you allow her to do so, it’s no loss to you since her sister will only be taking the place of her husband who was invited and she IS a bridesmaid. I would hope that would count for something. In this situation, yes, let her bring her sister is my vote.
Post # 11
Thanks everyone! I think I was mostly miffed as she didn’t just double check with me. I think I would’ve asked if it was okay to bring my sister along instead.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t care if she brought her sister. I mean, since you already planned for a plus one anyway, why does it matter who that plus one is (within reason)? I have never understood the “the +1 must me married or in a commited relationship” mentality. At the wedding you wont notice who is with who. You will be enjoying your new husband too much to notice much of anything in that regard! Trust me on this one!
Post # 13
I agree with you… it’s really not cool for her to just assume she can swap out one person for another if it’s not “and guest”. However, I agree with the comments above, just confirm that she is replacing her husband with her sister for seating arrangement purposes and leave it at that since it’s not really adding another person just swapping.
Post # 14
@Mrs Hedgehog: The rationale is that if everyone gets a +1, you have to cut people from the guest list that you would otherwise want to come, and/or increase your budget for people you don’t know. And if no one else got a +1 and this guest does, it can cause hurt feelings among the guests.
That said, since this is a bridesmaid I do agree with the others that it’d be nice of you to let her bring her sister.
Post # 15
I agree that she shouldn’t just invite someone that you aren’t close with, but as a Bridesmaid or Best Man she should be able to bring her sister though she should have asked first.
Post # 16
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I would clarify the intentions with her. My drive to college was 6+ hours, and she can do it by herself-esp. if you do. We have a couple of guests who have already told us that their SI can’t attend (including one of my Mom’s friends who’s over 70 and is driving almost the same distance), so we’ve be able to adjust our invites. If you have other friends you’d prefer to invite instead of the sister, I don’t see anything wrong with mentioning that you have a B list, and were planning on filling that with regrets.