Post # 1
Hey ladies, as stated in a previous post, I’m a regular poster and I’ve created a new account to voice some concerns.
One of my BM’s is pregnant. She had her first son at the beginning of 2010 and is now about 4 months pregnant again. She has been feeling really down about herself lately (ppd combined with getting no sleep as a result of the newborn and her unborn) and we are in constant contact. I mentioned to her the other day that I was seriously considering boudoir shots, but just in passing nothing that we really talked about for an extended period of time. I got off the phone with her and almost immediately got a fb chat initiation from her husband. He told me that he’d love to do boudoir shots for me. I told him that it would be great to have a husband/wife team shoot them and he replied that there was no need for his wife to be there. I immediately brushed it off as a joke and said “haha I don’t think she’d like that too much!” well, he wouldn’t lay off. He began complaining about how his wife isn’t “putting out for him anymore” and how he has to “watch porn at work because she won’t let me around the baby” It quickly became a wife-bashing session. I told him he needed to stop and ended the conversation but he pleaded me not to tell him wife anything he had said.
Looking back I should have saved the conversation but I was so upset I wasn’t thinking straight. Should I tell her what he said? Keep it to myself in hopes that he was just having a bad day?
Post # 3
I voted tell her… I think his comments, and his persistance in the conversation despite your brushing it off as a joke, cross the line. I don’t think it’s the thoughtless joke of an overtired, stressed husband. I think it’s creepy and inappropriate. If I were her, I’d want to know.
It also bothers me that he sought you out… you mention B shots to her and BOOM, he flies onto facebook. That’s really just distasteful, imo.
It sucks, you think how exhausted and overwhelmed she must already be and you can’t help but think this will crush her. But honestly isn’t this the time in a marriage when a husband should be the MOST supportive??
Post # 4
I’d tell her. He’s scum to even suggest something like a boudior shoot would be a prime opportunity to get laid or get his jollies off. Having children isn’t an excuse to cheat on a wife or even think about cheating.
Post # 5
That’s gross. He should be ashamed of himself–his wife is caring for a newborn and carrying his child and he’s complaining that she won’t “put out” and let him watch porn around his child? My skin is crawling. I voted that you should tell her–I’m thinking about my relationship with my best friend, and I know that I would tell her and vice versa and that both of us would want to know.
Post # 6
If it only happened once, I would probably just keep it to myself and write it off as him being upset. I probably would not be comfortable around him anymore but that’s a whole other issue. But if it’s more than once then I would tell someone. Either your Fiance or his wife. I would probably go to my Fiance first and see what he thinks I should do.
Post # 7
I agree with the PP, tell her. That’s ridiculous. There’s nothing worse than a husband that can’t be trusted, especially if they have a family. And just think, if he’s saying these things to one of her best friends (I suppose, since she’s your BM) what is he saying to other people and other women?
Post # 8
Yeah I’d tell her. That’s totally inappropriate. At least since it was you he was contacted you can let her know. Who knows who else he’s done it too.
He obviously has some issues and they need to work them out as a couple – not telling her just allows them to go unnoticed for longer. She’s your friend, he’s not (or not as much) – tell her.
How dare he say those things when his wife is no doubt exhausted and not feeling great. He deserves to be called on his shit. And I hope I’m not friends with all the people voting NOT to tell her.
Post # 9
Oh and the thing is, he KNOWS what he is doing is wrong. Just imagine that he could be trying to bed someone else…
Post # 10
How good of friends are you with him? Although I don’t think it’s okay for him to act this way maybe he’s getting a little crazed from the new baby and having a pregnant wife again. Some guys put their foot in their mouths often and if he’s close to you as a friend it might have just been him doing just that. If it persists or even happens again than I would say something to her, but at this point it was just a dumb facebook chat on his part and could be from stress. It’ll add extra stress on his wife if you say something. She doesn’t need that right now, especially if he was half serious or just having a fried-brain day. You know what I mean?
Post # 11
I think you should tell her for all the reasons already mentioned. It is just so sad to think about the stress it will cause her, when she is already overwhelmed…
Post # 12
I voted not to say anything. If this is an isolated incident you don’t want to stir up drama while she is pregnant and has a newborn.
Post # 13
I would let her know, but in a way that doesn’t accuse him of anything. I would say, oh, btw, I spoke with (insert his name here) about the b session and he said. Let her know that you would prefer that she be there, and see what she says. You don’t have to comit to the session, just let her know that you would prefer them as a team and not just him. She will be able to draw her own conclusions about this.
Post # 14
How well do you know him? If you are in constant contact with his wife, maybe he let his guard down?
What he said was TOTALLY wrong and inappropriate. But if she’s stressed out and not getting sleep, he is probably the same way and maybe “vented” in a totally inappropriate way? Like, maybe he feels comfortable enough with you that he felt he could open up about his issues…and being a guy, said them in a completely messed up way?
Idk…it’s so awkward!!!
Post # 15
normally i’d say tell her…but given she’s pregnant, i’d say try talking to him first. like, “that was really inappropriate and made me really uncomfortable, what’s going on?” it could be that he’s just stressed and needs someone to vent to. if that doesn’t work, then tell her.
Post # 16
I would delete him off Facebook and not say a word.