Post # 1
A close friend, who is not in the wedding party asked if she could through me a bridal shower or Bach party.(She is really close to me and the only reason I didn’t ask her to be in the wedding party was because she was having financial issues and had a lot of expenses and was not sure if she could even attend the wedding) I was so excited because not one person had mentioned anything about a party so I said sure.
My Maid/Matron of Honor (who doesn’t work) found out about my friend wanting to throw me the bach party and they both got into an argument. They agreed to work together on both parties, but ever since then they’ve had argument after argument. My Maid/Matron of Honor has tried to bad mouth my friend along with trying to get the bridal shower canceled and tried to get the other bridesmaids on her side.
There is only one problem with her plan my other bridesmaids do not like her. And now I hear from the other bridesmaids that my Maid/Matron of Honor is trying to do something extravagant, which none of them can really afford. And some say even if they could afford it, it’s her job to plan it and cover ALL the costs. What a mess I’m getting into.
It makes me really upset, that my friends are fighting and don’t like each other. its hard trying to deal with my mixed emotions of the excitement of getting married with the Man I love, and the sadness of not having my mom with me during this especial time. (She passed when I was 17 and when she passed). I looked to my friends, to help me with that, but all they can do is argue.
I’ve thought of just telling them to call the whole thing off no bach party no bridal shower.
What should I do?
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you don’t have your mother with you to share this special time…
I think you need to have a very frank conversation with your Maid/Matron of Honor and tell her to cool it. The way you’ve described this situation, she is the center of all the drama. Sometimes girls get on a weird power trip when they are given that "title" but she needs to know how much her behavior is hurting you, and she needs to be mindful of the limitations of your other bridesmaids.
And after you have that conversation with her, I would recommend that you tell ALL of them that their is a moratorium on complaining to you. You have enough on your plate right now without worrying about stuff like this. They are all big girls, and it’s time they started acting like it.
Post # 4
I’m sorry too that you don’t have your Mom during this wonderful time in your life.
I was in a similar situation with one of my BMs and my Maid/Matron of Honor. Except my Bridesmaid or Best Man was the one being a jerk. This Bridesmaid or Best Man doesn’t get along with ANY of my other friends and especially not with my Maid/Matron of Honor but I wanted her to be a part of our day because I’ve known her forever and she introduced my FH and I. My Bridesmaid or Best Man would go off on me at work (yes we work together) about stupid things she didn’t agree with my Maid/Matron of Honor about. She was basically very negative about the entire wedding in general but especially towards my Maid/Matron of Honor, which was always completely unprovoked. When we got into an argument about the BM’s hair appts (she was mad the Maid/Matron of Honor was helping with the research) I decided enough was enough. I had too much un-needed anxiety about whether or not she was going to throw a fit on my wedding day or during one of my parties because she can’t get along with anyone! She emailed me putting all the blame on me and my Maid/Matron of Honor and stepped down so I returned her email and was completely honest with how I felt and told her I would still like to be friends and hope she would come to my wedding as a guest. Two weeks later and she still hasn’t responded so I ‘b-listed’ her.
After going through all of that ridiculous stress, my advice to you is sit down with each of them (or email like me, I HATE confrontation!) and be completely honest. Let them know that this is stressing you out too much and that it is ruining your excitement for your wedding. They may not realize that it is affecting you this much. These girls should be good people/friends, suck it up and be nice to each other at least until after your wedding. Let them know that they are your support group and that you need them more than ever now. And if all else fails, you always have us on weddingbee!
Post # 5
It’s very sweet of your friend to want to contribute as much as possible even if she’s not part of the bridal party. I notice that it can be really easy to step on someone’s toes but you have to sort of trust your bridal party to handle it in a mature manner, especially your Maid/Matron of Honor. The Maid/Matron of Honor role can be very pressured, so I can understand why she wants something extravagant but you should def. have a talk with her and let her know that part of her role should also be working together with the other BMs and make sure it works for everyone. Let her know that although it is nice to have something extravagant, that all you want is for everyone to be happy. That it’s THAT important to you that she makes it happen.
I’ve been an Maid/Matron of Honor twice and a Bridesmaid or Best Man twice so I understand it can be chaotic, but in all situations…there’s a give and take. It’s not all about "me me me me," it’s about the bride. Let them know how you feel and if they care enough, they’ll understand.
Hope it all turns out well !!!
Post # 6
Thank you all so much for your input and sharing you stories with me, yes I definately will have a convesation with my bridesmaids and Maid/Matron of Honor well I will probably start with email, i’m not very confrontational either.