- 4 years ago
- Wedding: February 2014
Maybe I am being too laid back of a bride, and am to blame? I’m not sure, so I need some help on a touchy subject. FI and I settled on 5 BM and 5 GM. He only recently has asked his brother to be BM, and was going to formally ask the other guys this weekend. I asked him to hold off a day or two. I formally asked my BM’s almost as soon as I got engaged. Two sisters, and three friends I’ve had for over ten years. I let them know the color, lengrh and material of the dresses and am allowing them to pick their own fit and style. Ones they can wear again! I didn’t want to be bridezilla, and wanted them to find a fit and price that worked for them. They are also choosing their own hair and makeup, which I have offered to cover.
I have asked them all on several occasions over the past 5-6 months how the dress shopping is going, and to text me any contenders. I try to be as interested and helpful as possible, but we all live in completely different cities. Only one has been actually “excited” about finding a dress, always showing me options that I love. In fact, the others haven’t even LOOKED that I’m aware of. So, I went online and found a lot of beautiful dresses twice and sent them all to each girl for ideas. I even mentioned that I’d like to have them finalized by end of November, and offered to help financially, if needed. Crickets. I think they will drag their feet and let me down. I’d be fine of they got the dresses a WEEK before my wedding. However, I just can’t stress about it for the next three months. I just can’t. My sister (and MOH) is due with her first baby in two weeks and has been great, so she gets a free pass.
I have sent the other three girls messages asking their opinions on my wedding gown and/or sharing my excitement on other details. And, some don’t even reply. There’s been no bridal shower or bachelorette party plans, that I’m aware of. Though, my sister has reached out. I try not to take it personal, as we all lead sometimes chaotic lives career and family-wise. And, I’m sure they feel like my wedding is a decade away and that they can wait a little longer. However, I almost feel like being in my wedding is a “chore” for them. If it’s not important for them, it’s not that important for me. It’s about FI and I getting married and our loved ones surrounding us (in whatever capacity)… Not having BMs just for the sake of having my friends stand next to me in fancy dresses.
I’m not ready to confront them YET, as they still have over three months before the actual wedding. I don’t want to offend them prematurely. However, at what point DO I make a decision, and what decision do I make? I realize it’s bad etiquette for me to just request their presence as guests. However, I’d be just as happy with 2 great BM and GM (or none), versus what I am dealing with now. I just don’t want to inch closer and closer to the day, and still not have some of these issues resolved.
Do I continue to be patient, or do I start putting my foot down? And, if so, how?