(Closed) BMs making me feel like it's a "chore" to be in my wedding

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
7309 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

You can’t make someone be enthusiastic. And, IMO, being a maid IS a chore… an expensive one at that. You do it because you’ve been asked, not because it’s the most awesome thing ever. Some people are genuinely excited because they are wedding-minded themselves. But for most people, they have 99 things on their mind, and your wedding isn’t one of them. What you do is entirely up to you. You can choose to ratchet your expectations down to a basic level. Tell yourself that as long as they show up on time, sober, in appropriate attire, and with a smile on their face for the wedding, everything will be peachy. Or you can choose to confront them about their lack of enthusiasm (which may go over with a deafening thud) and see how that goes. Or you can choose to revise your wedding day vision and eliminate your bridal party alltogether to avoid the situation (a friend did this and just had her brother stand with her as the man of honor). You have options, and only you will know what works best with your particular bridal party and your own ability to manage your expectations. good luck! 

Post # 18
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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@smv22114: I think the idea of a deadline is a good one. And I think that it’s possible that the reason they don’t seem interested is because, like you mentioned, there is distance between everyone and they all have families. I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling stressed and a bit down about it though.

If the one Bridesmaid or Best Man is the one that is really bothering you then maybe you could call her up and talk with her again. You don’t need to be confrontational, but you do need to let her know your expectations from now on. It could be that she just doesn’t realize what you were hoping for from her or maybe she’ll open up to you about something that’s been going on in her life that has sort of pushed your stuff to the side.

Post # 19
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

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@Lbward6:  

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@lovekiss:  

I agree it can be a chore. I’m in one now that is starting to feel like that. . . that’s mostly because I’m planning the Bachelorette on my own (the other BMs are either not attending, unemployed, or have spent the money they would have put towards Bridesmaid or Best Man stuff on other things like expensive shoes; not a big deal, but it’s stressful for me). The Bride also kept changing her mind about the Bachelorette Party – particularly unhelpful when you have a very limited time to do it (I didn’t find out that no one was planning anything until about a month ago; the Bachelorette is this week).

That said, this Bride doesn’t seem like she has really been too pushy, at least from what she’s written. I think it’s a good idea that she sets a set time for when they should have their dresses. The big issue seems to be that she had different expectations then they did and it was never communicated properly.

Post # 20
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Your wedding is only a “journey” for you.  For everyone else it’s one day where they show up to celebrate with you.  Don’t overthink it.

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