(Closed) BMs unhappy with dress options

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 47
Member
6895 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Daisy_Mae :  THIS!!!! All of this!!

 

sunshadebride :  Money is a touchy and often uncomfortable subject. Of the girls who say the dress is out of their budget, you seem to have not even asked them what they can afford? You just said “well they didn’t give me a price”. Point blank ask them “what is a budget you feel comfortable spending”. From there you need to pick a dress within that budget OR if you’re hell bent on the dress you want you can foot the bill for the cost difference between their budget and your favorite dress.

Your other post talks about your destination bachelorette in vegas….I can see why your girls are complaining about the cost of the dress. Your wedding is costing them a fortune because not only are they forking out a vegas trip that’s also assuming (based on posts that say they’re spread out across the country) they are also going to have to spend money to travel for your wedding.

If the dress means that much to you, cancel the vegas trip and use that money to buy the dresses you love.

Post # 48
Member
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

OP, what I did with my girls is ask them all individually to give me their max budget and also what they would rather spend. They all said budget of 300 plus alterations if we found some super special dress or everyone else was fine with 300 but would be happier spending 200 so we actually found a dress that was 200 for them and that way everyone got more breathing room. I have 7 girls and some are in different income stages than others so while I know some would spend 300 and not think twice, others would have a harder time that month so we found a happy medium maybe ask them that question as well?

Also perhaps, as other PPs said you can give them options of similar lengths and colours and there could be different price ranges as well so everyone is happy.

 

I have been to many weddings and been part of a couple and I can tell you that honestly on the day off when everyone has their hair and make up done and looking beautiful with flowers and beside the bride that the 100 dollar dresses and the 500 dollar dresses literally looked the same.

So maybe also keep in mind that a dress you may find “simple” now will actually look very elegant and beautiful when everyone is dolled up 

 

 

Post # 49
Member
5156 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

sunshadebride :  Sounds like you didnt ask them their budget, and NO, it’s not appropriate or acceptable to say “deal with it”.

Why not just choose a place like Davids Bridal? Choose the fabric, length and color and let them choose what dress they want. Their prices range from $70ish to $150ish. Since they are scattered throughout the country, there’s a Davids Bridal everywhere that theyll be able to go try stuff on at. 

 

Post # 50
Member
6396 posts
Bee Keeper

ktsteimel :  I think they expected a bride to pick out a dress that wasn’t expensive. Half the time the dresses bridesmaids buy they can’t wear again….

Post # 51
Member
455 posts
Helper bee

You say, “I can’t afford to pay for some of their dresses unfortunately because I am paying for parts of the wedding.”

But you also say, “it also frustrates me in that it is for a wedding and I’m someone who would just find a way to save and handle the cost bc it was for a friend and her big day.”

So you expect them to be able to ‘find a way’ when you aren’t willing to ‘find a way’ and help them if they need it? It’s for YOUR wedding and if YOU want your BM’s in a certain dress but some can’t afford it, I’d think that you’d be willing and expecting to pick up the bill.

Or, get them to tell you their budgets, and find a dress in that range. Those are really the only good options.

Post # 52
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Just because YOU would find a way to save doesn’t mean others can or should. You may not know everything that is going on in their life that concerns their finances. If you want them to wear that dress so badly, you should do that saving you’re talking about and take care of it for them. 

Post # 53
Member
2858 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Vegas bachelorette, OP?! not cool…. even for my sister and best friend I’d be super annoyed at having to spend my money on an expensive trip to Vegas in their honor. I think $150 for a dress is understandable, but paying their way (and yours I’m assuming) through a weekend in Vegas? Thats wayyy too much to ask.

Post # 54
Member
6670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

sunshadebride : Am I correct in assuming that several of your BMs are still quite young? You mentioned school so… How many of them have actually been in a wedding before?

It sounds like you’re asking a lot financially of your BMs throughout this whole process. I know the first time I was in a wedding (as the Maid/Matron of Honor no less!) it was the year after I graduated from college and literally had no idea what I was signing myself up for. I had no idea all of the costs that would be associated with everything and how much time and money AS A WHOLE I’d have to put in. It was very difficult for me and luckily I had my parents offer to help me out with everything, but not everyone is so lucky. Sure, $150 doesn’t sound like a whole lot for a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, but then you add in all the plane tickets, hotel rooms, gifts…it adds up to A LOT. That’s why you have to respect your BMs’ budget constraints. You thinking your dress choice didn’t go over budget by too much doesn’t help them at all. Neither does you saying that in their position you would just figure it out and find a way to make it work. Not everybody is able to do that so easily.

For my wedding, I didn’t want my BMs to match anyway so I just told them a color and length and said good luck! I honestly didn’t care too much what they wore as long as they were by my side on my big day. My Maid/Matron of Honor got her dress for $20 and she looked great! At some point you need to step away from your vision and focus on what will realistically work best for your loved ones.

Post # 55
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Be sensitive to other’s budget.  For some of my bridesmaid, $200 on a dress is no big deal – for others, that is a ton of money (myself included lol).  Also factor in that they have to travel (plane, drive), pay for hotel rooms, meals, and buy you a gift!  Try the mismatch!!!

Post # 56
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Oh dear.

1. Ask each bridesmaid individually for an exact dollar amount they can spend on the dress.

2.  Choose a dress within the lowest budget given to you.  If it’s over budget, you cover the difference.

3.  Cancel Vegas.

Post # 57
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Here’s what I did and I felt like it really helped my bridesmaids to be happy with the dress options. I chose a color fabric from J Crew. At that time, there were about 10-12 dresses in that color in all different price ranges. I gave them the option of any of the dresses as long as it was in that color. So all of them were able to chose a dress they actually liked (and have actually worn them again!) that was a price they were comfortable paying. At the time, the prices ranged from about $65-200 so people had plenty of options. I had a few girls chose the dresses on sale (so under $100) and a couple chose more expensive dresses for themselves. Everyone was happy and have been able to use their dresses again, because it was actually something they liked in their own personal style. 

Post # 58
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would start over again with everyone in a  group email, explain that there were budget concerns with the dress you originally picked and ask everybody to again state the price point they are comfortable with. Once that is settled, pick out a dress (or better yet, 2 or 3 coordinating styles) and let the ladies chose from your options.  

Post # 60
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

sunshadebride :  good luck and I hope that you find the perfect dress(es) !

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