BMs upset about dresses

posted 3 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
788 posts
Busy bee

glutton :  oh mayoun is the turmeric ceremony where the bride (often groom too) is slathered in a turmeric paste as it makes the skin glow. It’s common in all of Pakistan and India. I don’t know the exact origins. 

Post # 19
Member
788 posts
Busy bee

glutton :  ah yes we call it Haldi too sometimes! I’ve heard of Pitti but that’s not a common term in Pakistan. 

And now that you mention the 7 vows I think I do remember that each round around the fire is a vow? Please correct me if I’m wrong! But yeah that is my mistake about saying there’s no vows in Hindu ceremonies! And yeah Muslim Nikkah doesn’t involve vows at all. But we (Pakistani Muslims) do also do the shoes stealing ceremony!

I like that you incorporated the bridesmaids more! In that situation I totally get why you did bridesmaids and they were more than photo props. I think it just boiled down to them not having been bridesmaids before and having different expectations. As for the other two, $150 was probably more than they were willing to pay but didn’t speak up when they should have so it’s too late now for them to be complaining. Sorry they’re putting a damper on your post wedding high but hopefully they’ll get over it soon!!!! 

Post # 20
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

glutton :  🙂 the cheap part of me would think, “more for me to do, and more for me to pay, and I’m not even getting married, great. Why can’t she just have a traditionall anything wedding? This creativity is confusing.”

Joking aside, it’s a long time ago now. Take them out, have a good time and forget about it.

Post # 22
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

One of my best friends is half Indian, but her mom is catholic so she had to ceremonies.

catholic and indian. She went to India and bought her dress and ours (but we paid for them). For her Catholic ceremony she gave us a color and each picked what they liked/could afford. 

She also wanted my son to be part of both ceremonies so I had to pay for his clothes.

Also, even though she had our meassurements, the Indian dresses were super big on some of us, or long, or had to many fabric tucked in and had to be altered in order to fit/be comfortable and it was expensive because of the beading. This was also my choice, I could have wore it like it was but decided I wanted to look good in it! (First time wearing a saree/lehenga and felt beautiful!)

In the middle of everything I was kind of annoyed for all the expenses, but I talked it out with my best friend (also her MOH) and that was it. I made a comprise when she asked and I said yes, so it was all on me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Also, we paid for our own makeup and hair for both days, and even when everything was in town I decided to get a room at the hotel because she was having the mendhi on the day of her Indian ceremony (day after catholic one) and I knew it was gonna be a long weekend so Darling Husband and I decided it was the best idea.

Most expensive wedding I have been a part of, but at the end I could have declined, so it was my choice. I think your BMs are being inmature, maybe they didnt know and was a surprised and are not handling it well? 

Post # 23
Member
8593 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

glutton :  I have several Indian friends and they all paid for their bridesmaid’s dresses. Saris actually, which one friend said are perfect because they don’t require alterations. And they fold or roll up for easy packing so I’m not sure how 3 saris and blouses would require multiple extra suitcases. At any rate, you say it’s not fair that they would be fine paying for dresses if they were bridesmaids for a non-Indian friend, but that seems disingenuous for 2 reasons: 1) you’re purely guessing, because they’ve never been in that situation, and 2) since you had a mostly Indian wedding, it was reasonable for them to expect you to follow Indian tradition of paying for their outfit for your wedding. It probably would have meant more to them if you’d paid for the dresses instead of hair, jewlery, robes, a sample dress, etc. It’s a bummer that they’re put out by it, but was easy to foresee. I would not hold this against them at all.

Post # 26
Member
12 posts
Newbee

Delayed response, but wanted to chime in. I’m also Indian-American and I’ve been a bridesmaid 15 (not joking) times. All of the Indian weddings I’ve been in (and in weddings where I was a close enough friend of the couple to discuss details), the bride has purchased the saris for their bridesmaids, with the exception of one wedding. That wedding, the bride just asked all of her bridesmaids to wear a specific color (dress or sari – bridesmaid’s choice) in any shade. Typically the bridesmaids are responsible for getting someone to make the blouse for the sari, but for non-Indian bridesmaids, they usually handle that process as well.

It sounds like 1) your Indian friends have mostly attended Indian weddings and 2) don’t necessarily understand/are familiar with “traditional” bridesmaid roles. I don’t think you’re in the wrong here, but I’m not surprised they had some expectation of you paying for their attire. 

TBH, it’s annoying to have to buy a dress and pay for tailoring when it isn’t something I’ve picked, but it comes with bridesmaid territory so I just suck it up and definitely don’t complain about it to the bride. That said, I’ve only worn two bridesmaid’s dresses again, and both were weddings where the bride just told us to get a a dress in a certain color (black, navy). Everything else I donate. Saris I wear so rarely, I haven’t really repeated.

Post # 27
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2020 - By the lake

glutton :  Just curious, what is South Asian American?  

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