Post # 1
Hi There! I’m a newbie here and need some help re my BMs. I have 6 BMs, 2 of them just had a baby 6-8 months ago (adorable!!). I did ask them before that if they have too much on their plate then I don’t want them to feel obligated to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. They both said it would be an honor and that it shouldn’t be a problem. That was before they went back to work. Now that they are back to work, I know they have been very stressed and don’t really have the time to reply to my emails to them (or my other BM’s emails to them) re wedding plannings or related Bridesmaid or Best Man stuff. Of course, I toally understand that they do have a lot on their plate (starting a family is a lot of work!) and their job is demanding (both are attorneys and so am I) Don’t get me wrong they are very nice friends and I’m not upset with them. I also don’t really expect them to do anything other than showing up at the ceremony (as long as they stand right next to me) But I’m beginning to feel that they are just really busy (since they haven’t had any time to email or call me back), I wonder if i should bring up the subject again, just ask them that if they are overwhelmed with work and the baby, I can totally have them do something else (reader at the wedding etc) and have someone else be my BMs (I do have two other friends whom I would like to be included in the wedding party). Any input would be greatly apreciated!!! thanks!
Post # 3
I’m going to be in a similiar situation. One of my bridesmaids is 5 months along and by the time my wedding comes along, the baby will be 4 months old. With all of that, we’re wondering whether she’s going to come to my bachelorette party and how involved she’ll be come baby time.
I say that if you’ve approached your girls about their involvement and they still want to be a bridesmaid, then drop it. However, if I was in your position, I also wouldn’t put too much expectation on them to play a huge role in playing. Leave it up to your other girls, and like you said, be happy with them standing up with you on your day. When it comes down to it, that’s what’s important.
I think as long as you are all on the same page, things should go smoothly. Just don’t be disappointed if they can’t be as active in your shower, bachelorette party and at the reception with you until the wedding is over.
Post # 4
LadyGoodman : yup, that was my thinking too but I’m just wondering if they might think differently since now they have gone back to work. (when I checked with them months ago they were still on maternity leave so they had some leaisure time) They already told me they won’t be able to make it to my bachlorette party (one Bridesmaid or Best Man didn’t even reply me herself) but I also don’t want to hurt their feelings.. I don’t expect them to get involved in any planning, but it would be nice to have BMs whom I’ll get to see before my wedding.. I guess I just didn’t really think about this whole new baby situtation when I asked them.. :p I’m thinking about mentioning something on the line that if they are too busy then I’m totally fine having them do something else instead of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man and since its still early I have some time to find replacement. SIGH the decision… but thanks for your comment! I’ll really have to sit on this.. don’t want this to ruin our friendship :p
Post # 5
I had a similar thing happen, out of my 3 ladies, 2 have 8 month old babies. One hasn’t had any problems, the other we just talked about it and she asked just to attend the wedding instead. I understand, I don’t know if I could do it if I was in her shoes. It was a bit of a bummer, but we are going to meet up a little early and go for a walk and just relax and catch up.
Post # 6
Rotten situation. I don’t expect anything really from my BM’s and I don’t think too much was ever expected of me when I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man….but they can’t return your call or email? That would bother me even if she wasn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Maybe write a letter (the old fashioned sort) and just say- Um, are we still friends? She will either say “O, so sorry, let’s catch up” or…. Kind of like when you were in high school and your boyfriend wanted to split up but didn’t want to tell you so he just stopped calling…. good luck.
Post # 7
If you offered them an “out” before, I’d assume they will show up. One of my BM’s will have a 1 month-old on the day of the wedding. I knew this when I asked her – and told her at the time, I would LOVE to have her in my wedding but I also would not be hurt if she couldn’t do it. She also has a 2 year old and a demanding job. She’s not the one planning showers or parties, and I had to nag her a bit to remind her to order her dress but I’m super excited she’s in the wedding. I’d stick with them and maybe offer to bring lunch over to their house on a Saturday – maybe you can hang out see the baby and catch up on wedding stuff while the kid naps?
Post # 8
I have a bridesmaid that will have a about a two month old at the time of my wedding. Its a tough situation. Has anyone been on the other side and been a bridesmaid with a newborn? Your insight could help : )
Post # 9
My sister will most likely have a newborn at my wedding since she’s getting married in 2 weeks and made it very clear that she’s not waiting to TTC and is purposely foregoing all BC on her honeymoon in hopes she will get knocked up.
Also my sister has 2 BM’s that were pregnant during the planning and recently had their baby. No one even mentioned that as a problem. Except obviously no drinking for them. If they accept your invitation to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man then they know what that entails. They just may or may not chose to be less involved in planning and everything.