Boat life/ single people?

posted 2 weeks ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Honestly it seems a bit weird that you never want to hang out with a single woman as part of a group setting on a boat because one time someone who happened to be single and a woman was annoying or inappropriate.  

I don’t even understand why the repeated mention that it was on a boat changes anything about this story.  

Plus … they are a gay couple…this relates back to the story

Does it? 

Post # 4
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

I don’t think avoiding hanging out with any other single women based on the behaviour of one girl is particularly sensible. This new girl could be really great, you might get on like a house on fire and end up with a new friend for life! Or, maybe you don’t like her, so you don’t have to see her again. It’s no big deal, and it seems like an overreaction to potentially judge her based on how the other girl behaved.

If you’re still adamant about not inviting her, just tell your friend you prefer not to have strangers on the boat, maybe say you’d be happier meeting the new girl at a bar with your friends sometime beforehand so she’s not a stranger. Or just say no, it’s your boat, your choice.

I guess I’m not seeing the problem…

Post # 5
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

1. Don’t be that stereotype of the insecure paired-off woman who is automatically suspicious of all single women. It’s suuuuuuuper not a good look.

2. You don’t have PTSD. At least, if you do have an actual posttraumatic stress disorder diagnosis, it’s not because some girl danced up on your partner. PTSD is a severe and debilitating mental illness for a lot of people, and throwing it around as shorthand for “it made me wary of this one thing” is ableist and not very cool.

3. Still not sure how the “my friends are gay” played into the story, but I haven’t finished my coffee this morning so there’s that.


You have a boat. People like being on the boat. There are limited seats. You are well within your rights to say “Sorry, we only have a tiny space so we can’t bring extra guests” at any time. But if you think this new friend is going to be too flirty … idk, make better friends? If she has never given you any indication this is a problem of hers, then maybe let go of your own misplaced angst? (Also, btw, your fiance is hopefully a grown-ass adult. He can turn down advances from women all by himself – you don’t need to be his human chastity shield. If you are worried he’ll get frisky unless you do, then he’s the jerk, not the pursuer.)

Post # 6
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020 - City, State

I’d be a bit gun shy as well. I think the odds of you running across another woman who acts inappropriately toward your FH are slim, but over-indulging in alcohol is another thing. I’d worry about that a lot with strangers because you have a lot of liability. I would just tell this new friend of yours that you’ve had a terrible experience with an invitee over-drinking, and you just have to make sure that doesn’t happen again. 

Post # 7
9070 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

The worst that happens is you spend a few hours with someone you don’t particularily care for? That’s not a huge deal IMO.

Invite them out to drinks first or something if you’re so worried about it.

Post # 8
1823 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

dabribri23 :  I don’t think your sexual preference dictates whether you can tell if someone is behaving inappropriately. My husband and I am straight but we’ve both noticed inappropriate flirting from someone in a same sex relationship. Your gay friends should have noticed their friend acting inappropriately and at least tried to have a quiet word.

You say this is a new girlfriend, so I’d say to your new friend that there are some rules for the boat (no excessive drinking) and she needs to relay that to her friend. Then you give the friend the benefit of the doubt that just because she’s single she’s not going to start hitting on your partner. In the unlikely event it does happen, both you and your partner are in a position to say it’s inappropriate and she needs to stop, regardless of how awkward the trip back is.

Post # 9
2816 posts
Sugar bee

Are you planning on avoiding all single women for the duration of your marriage? So one girl came on to your husband. He didn’t play along but it sounds like neither you nor your husband told her to knock it the f–k off. You’d be better served by learning how to be more forthright in the future than by being wary of all single women.

Post # 11
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You asked how we’d handle the situation. Well, if it were me, I would remember that there are literally millions and millions of single people in the world, and I wouldn’t judge all future single people based off interactions with one, just like I wouldn’t judge an entire race based off a bad interaction with one person of that race…. 

Post # 12
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

dabribri23 :  You stopped hanging out with a couple who you “loved hanging out with them and we got along great” all because their other friend acted inappropriately one time?  That seems very extreme to me.  

Post # 13
1269 posts
Bumble bee

dabribri23 :  This is really not complicated.  Don’t invite girl #1 again.  Do invite your friend.  Do not give her a plus one.

I just would not have stragers I’ve never met on my 6 person boat.  That’s too small a space & too much of a commitment to open it up to people I don’t know. It’s akin to sharing a hotel room. 


Post # 15
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Just be honest. What’s wrong with that? And if your so worried about women acting inappropriately towards your FH you might want to watch out for your so called new girlfriend who is single and acts like it. I’m not sure what that means (acts single) but that would be a red flag for me if you are worried about having new people on your boat that you, I am just assuming that she has never been on your boat. And FYI just because your friends are gay and not into women they are not oblivious to how this women acted. 

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