Post # 1
My fiance and I are getting married next Friday! Yay! We have been together for 3 years and have a small boat that sits 6 adults. One of our favorite things to do is going on the boat, going tubing, water skiing, and then going on the beach and hanging out. We love it and it’s so much fun. We usually invite friends to come on the boat with us.
Well this is where it began to get complicated. Last year, we invited a couple with us to come on the boat. (They are a gay couple…this relates back to the story. 2 males.) We loved hanging out with them and we got along great. The day before we were supposed to go on the boat, I get a phone call from one of them asking if it’s alright if one of their friends tag along. He went on and on about how lonely, quiet, and shy she is. And I said sure..the more the merrier. We all go on the boat and she seems nice but when she began drinking adult beverages she started acting very weird…especially towards my fiance. She continuously talked about how she enjoys sex, and obviously she was wearing a bikini due to the fact we are on a boat and she started dancing right next to my fiance when no one else was dancing. It was very weird and made me feel uncomfortable. Even my fiance pulled me aside and said he was getting weird vibes. She even told my fiance that he excited her the way he drove the boat. So anyway I didn’t say anything…we dropped her off home safely and we just made a mental note that she would never be invited on the boat again and that we would never invite strangers. The other couple was oblivious to it because I guess since they are not into females. She also lied about her age to my fiance..she told him she was 25 when she was 30. I found this out a couple of weeks later.
Anyway fast forward to present time… I made a new girlfriend who is single. We get along fine but she is a single girl and she definitely acts like it. I invited her to go on the boat since we are good friends but I kinda have a bad taste over that last experience. I dont want to feel uncomfortable again especially in a enclosed space like the boat. The kicker is…this girl wants to bring a girlfriend that I dont know along.
Im not sure what is the appropriate way to handle the situation?
Should i say no?
Should i be honest about how I feel?
How would you guys handle the situation?
Post # 2
Honestly it seems a bit weird that you never want to hang out with a single woman as part of a group setting on a boat because one time someone who happened to be single and a woman was annoying or inappropriate.
I don’t even understand why the repeated mention that it was on a boat changes anything about this story.
Plus … they are a gay couple…this relates back to the story
Post # 3
zzar45 : our boat is like our home. People won’t invite just anyone into their home. We are also responsible for people on the boat and we are also in one location, adult beverages and half naked. So it’s a different dynamic.
It relates back to the story because it’s an explanation as to why they are ok with hanging out with her. Versus a straight couple which can cause some issues.
Post # 4
- Wedding: February 2018 - UK
I don’t think avoiding hanging out with any other single women based on the behaviour of one girl is particularly sensible. This new girl could be really great, you might get on like a house on fire and end up with a new friend for life! Or, maybe you don’t like her, so you don’t have to see her again. It’s no big deal, and it seems like an overreaction to potentially judge her based on how the other girl behaved.
If you’re still adamant about not inviting her, just tell your friend you prefer not to have strangers on the boat, maybe say you’d be happier meeting the new girl at a bar with your friends sometime beforehand so she’s not a stranger. Or just say no, it’s your boat, your choice.
I guess I’m not seeing the problem…
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2018 - City, State
1. Don’t be that stereotype of the insecure paired-off woman who is automatically suspicious of all single women. It’s suuuuuuuper not a good look.
2. You don’t have PTSD. At least, if you do have an actual posttraumatic stress disorder diagnosis, it’s not because some girl danced up on your partner. PTSD is a severe and debilitating mental illness for a lot of people, and throwing it around as shorthand for “it made me wary of this one thing” is ableist and not very cool.
3. Still not sure how the “my friends are gay” played into the story, but I haven’t finished my coffee this morning so there’s that.
You have a boat. People like being on the boat. There are limited seats. You are well within your rights to say “Sorry, we only have a tiny space so we can’t bring extra guests” at any time. But if you think this new friend is going to be too flirty … idk, make better friends? If she has never given you any indication this is a problem of hers, then maybe let go of your own misplaced angst? (Also, btw, your fiance is hopefully a grown-ass adult. He can turn down advances from women all by himself – you don’t need to be his human chastity shield. If you are worried he’ll get frisky unless you do, then he’s the jerk, not the pursuer.)
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2020 - City, State
I’d be a bit gun shy as well. I think the odds of you running across another woman who acts inappropriately toward your FH are slim, but over-indulging in alcohol is another thing. I’d worry about that a lot with strangers because you have a lot of liability. I would just tell this new friend of yours that you’ve had a terrible experience with an invitee over-drinking, and you just have to make sure that doesn’t happen again.
Post # 7
The worst that happens is you spend a few hours with someone you don’t particularily care for? That’s not a huge deal IMO.
Invite them out to drinks first or something if you’re so worried about it.
Post # 8
dabribri23 : I don’t think your sexual preference dictates whether you can tell if someone is behaving inappropriately. My husband and I am straight but we’ve both noticed inappropriate flirting from someone in a same sex relationship. Your gay friends should have noticed their friend acting inappropriately and at least tried to have a quiet word.
You say this is a new girlfriend, so I’d say to your new friend that there are some rules for the boat (no excessive drinking) and she needs to relay that to her friend. Then you give the friend the benefit of the doubt that just because she’s single she’s not going to start hitting on your partner. In the unlikely event it does happen, both you and your partner are in a position to say it’s inappropriate and she needs to stop, regardless of how awkward the trip back is.
Post # 9
Are you planning on avoiding all single women for the duration of your marriage? So one girl came on to your husband. He didn’t play along but it sounds like neither you nor your husband told her to knock it the f–k off. You’d be better served by learning how to be more forthright in the future than by being wary of all single women.
Post # 10
loz24 : yeah you are right…being gay or straight doesnt change the inappropriateness. I forgot to mention that when I did try to talk to my friends about their friend they got really defensive and now we dont hang out because of it. They stated “she was just having fun”. I just dont want to lose good friends again I guess.
Post # 11
You asked how we’d handle the situation. Well, if it were me, I would remember that there are literally millions and millions of single people in the world, and I wouldn’t judge all future single people based off interactions with one, just like I wouldn’t judge an entire race based off a bad interaction with one person of that race….
Post # 12
dabribri23 : You stopped hanging out with a couple who you “loved hanging out with them and we got along great” all because their other friend acted inappropriately one time? That seems very extreme to me.
Post # 13
dabribri23 : This is really not complicated. Don’t invite girl #1 again. Do invite your friend. Do not give her a plus one.
I just would not have stragers I’ve never met on my 6 person boat. That’s too small a space & too much of a commitment to open it up to people I don’t know. It’s akin to sharing a hotel room.
Post # 14
zzar45 : I feel like you are not reading and just making assumptions based on what you want to believe. I never stopped being friends with them. THEY got defensive and stopped hanging out with us because I brought up their friend’s behavior.
I am not judging single people. I am specifically asking about bringing in single people on our boat and potentially risk something happening. We never have issues with married couples or just non married couples. Usually single people tend to be a bit more wild at least in our experience on the boat. I am not asking about avoiding single people in life. Lol
Idk any other boat owners and was hoping maybe someone here has experience. My friends who are couples already expressed they won’t go on the boat with single women or men. You cannot fault people for how they feel.
I obviously want friends to come on the boat. I just dont want to feel uncomfortable again and didn’t know if it was worth the risk. Also I dont want to hurt anyone’s feelings if I say no or “we dont invite strangers.”
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
Just be honest. What’s wrong with that? And if your so worried about women acting inappropriately towards your FH you might want to watch out for your so called new girlfriend who is single and acts like it. I’m not sure what that means (acts single) but that would be a red flag for me if you are worried about having new people on your boat that you, I am just assuming that she has never been on your boat. And FYI just because your friends are gay and not into women they are not oblivious to how this women acted.