Post # 1
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
I spoke with my bf about a date next year to get married. We agreed that we would like to get married on Sunday of Memorial Day weekend 2013, since everyone will have off from work on monday (and thanks to all you bees who responded in my previous post about my 3 date options). Recap: We are Jewish and the family is semi-observant so that the event can only be on a Sunday or weekday night, so to have that Monday off is really important!
My bf has the ring but has not proposed, which is fine but I don’t think he will be doing it until end of May/June sometime…Here’s the situation…I mentioned to him that we should look at venues just to secure the date and he really likes that idea. My parent’s will be paying for the wedding but my mom said she wouldn’t put any money down until there is a ring on my finger (understandable), I told this to my bf and he suggested that his mother come and that he is sure she would be willing to help with a deposit (another option is that we just pay for the deposit and my mom will reimburse us when we do get engaged)…
SO, here is the question–Is it weird to book a venue prior to getting engaged?! The more I think about it the more I wonder if we should just wait until the actual proposal before I start to get all excited about a venue etc., what do you all think? Have any other bees done this before?
Post # 3
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
If you think you will be getting the ring soon then I would wait for the proposal. It makes it that much more excited if you are actually engaged and people will take you more serious. You could technically book something before you got engaged, but since you would still have a yr from when he is planning on proposing I would wait. I was in your same exact situation and did some research on venues and decided on a date but didn’t go on visits until after he officially proposed.
Post # 4
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
we booked it and we’re not ‘officially’ engaged yet!
we’re getting married on 21st September 2013. this date is perfect for our honeymoon (Disney World) and we are 100% set on this particular venue.
i’m not getting a ring for another 6 months (it’s being custom made) but we were worried that if we waited until then this date at this venue would already have been taken.
we paid the deposit ourselves as our parents have no idea about this just yet. we want to keep it a secret until we have the ring 🙂
so i say do it!!
Post # 5
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
@roxy821: thanks for your response! I was wondering about being taken seriously as well, but do you think that a year is a substantial amount of time to secure a venue date? It seems like people book their venues so far in advance!
Post # 6
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
I would get a band (10$) just so someone sees something on there. Youll be taken much more seriously if there is something on that fingure.
Post # 7
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
@treacle: so exciting!! but your post makes me more nervous because september 2013 is even 4 months later than the date we want lol! Initially, I brought the idea up to him because I was pretty sure I loved this venue (same as your situation) but now I am questioning whether we should keep looking around and I feel like if we are going to actively be looking than maybe we should be engaged first, do you know what I mean?
Post # 8
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
If this is the only venue youve looked at I say keep looking at a few others before you make your choice. I regret having booked my venue without shopping around more. We were 1300km away from our venue however which made things very difficult.
Post # 9
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
@naturalysam: actuallyyy that’s not a bad idea!
ETA: I had been to events at this venue in the past, and had my bat mitzvah there, but now that I think about it I do think I would like to look around more (I thought this place would be good because my dad and my bf’s dad would want the food to be kosher; even though this place is not typically known to throw parties for religious jewish people they do offer the option of kosher food)….
Me overthinking: I guess my only saving grace is that a lot of very religious jews get engaged and married within like 6 months of engagement, which means that 1 year might be plenty of time if we choose to have it at a more “religious” venue…
wow if I am this indecisive I can’t imagine what kind of bride i will be….yikes!
Post # 10
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
Fiance wears a ring all the time which I had bought without knowing why years before we met. It fit him perfectly and we took that as a sign. Weve had a lot less issues with inapropriete women at work since he started wearring it.
Post # 11
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
@naturalysam: its so funny that you mentioned that too because we joked around a couple of years ago about getting fake rings to go look at multi-million dollar open houses (that we obviously cannot afford) in NYC ! never did it though
Post # 12
Member
31 posts
Newbee
Me and Fiance went venue hunting before being engaged, however we brought our parents along and did not mention that we were not yet engaged which helped in the “taking us seriously” departement. We didnt book it until after the engagement tough. But if you know you are getting your ring for sure, I say go for it 🙂
Post # 13
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
We ended up checking out several venues before I had the ring. But the proposal wasn’t a surprise as we had been discussing getting married in Fall 2012 for several months. I was doing some checking into venues we liked in July/August 2011 for our Fall 2012 wedding and found out that most of the venues were already booking into Fall 2013. So we went and looked at venues before the ring was on the finger…fiance actually proposed a day earlier than he had planned because we were going to visit the #1 venue on my list and he wanted me to “be official” before we went.
Post # 14
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
We booked our venue the second week in September and got married the end of November. A year is plenty of time!
I would also wait for the proposal before booking the venue!
Post # 15
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I wouldn’t book a venue until I was engaged. Why is he waiting? It seems kind of strange to me that he’s coming up with solutions to the problem of your mother not wanting to give you money, yet he hasn’t proposed. Isn’t the simpliest solution for him to make it official?
Post # 16
Member
1747 posts
Bumble bee
I would wait before booking. From a logistical standpoint, it might make sense to do it reverse, but there is something about actually being engaged and then proceeding with planning.
To me it seems kind of anticlimatic to plan half your wedding (and your venue is approximately 50%+ of your planning) before being engaged. Just me though.
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