Post # 1
Hi ladies! My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2.5 years, and are planning to get engaged and married in October. We picked out and ordered a ring, but he wants to surprise me with an “official” proposal. However, my boyfriend is sort of an over-thinker..he likes to think about things a very long time before he acts on them, which is fine- I want him to propose however he chooses and not rush him! However, since he has a ring and we’ve agreed on the end of October..do you think it’s a bad idea to book a wedding venue before the engagement?
I told my boyfriend many people book 1-2 years in advance, and since we’re looking at a wedding in 7 months it may be a good idea to look now so we don’t have to go with a last resort venue because we waited too long. There’s a beautiful place downtown that has a couple Fridays open in October, but I’m afraid if I don’t act now they may be gone by the time he officially proposes. He says he really wants to choose a venue that would make us happy, and thinks it’d be fine if we book in advance..but he thinks we should consult our parents since they are helping pay. Is this a recipe for something bad? Or should I just wait and hope we can find a reasonably venue in crunch time? Thanks in advance for you advice!
Post # 2
I mean if he’s into it why not. But if you are expecting parents to pay that’s definitely the cart before the horse because you’ll obviously need to announce your engagement before you move forward. Would you two be okay with announcing your engagement to them without the ring ready?
Post # 3
To me, booking the venue is complete commitment to marry; I would find any proposal after that to be completely pointless and a bit hollow… like, it won’t be a surprise for anyone – it’s not even a question anymore because you’re already both committed!
That’s just my opinion though, you’re welcome to disagree.
Post # 4
Well…based on the “Waiting” board a lot can happen between now and the actual proposal. I also find it strange that you have a date picked out without getting engaged first. In my opinion, don’t put the cart before the horse.
Post # 5
I don’t see an issue with booking the venue before a proposal. We booked in October and he proposed in November. We wed October of the next you. From your post it sounds like you olan for him to propose the same month you are getting married? If it works for you why not? It just sounds like rushing things but whatever works best for your life
Post # 6
I say if he agrees to book it and your the ones paying for it then book away. As pp stated if parents will be paying that may be an issue. I do understand your concern with getting things booked. We got engaged on NYE and getting married September 15th so it’s not much time. We haven’t actually announced our engagement formally because my ring is being made but we have already put deposites on the venue and photographer to be sure we get what we want. But we are eloping/solo destination wedding it so we are paying for everything ourselves.
Post # 7
Do your parents know about the ring and impending proposal and are on board? We looked at venues during the time my ring was being made but all parents knew about it and my mom actually found our venue in a magazine and told us to check it out because they only do a few weddings a year. We didn’t book and sign any contracts before the official proposal, but we did tell the venue a date we had in mind and they said they would tentatively hold it for us and let us know if anyone else inquired about it so we could book first. I don’t see anything wrong with doing this if you have a specific venue and date in mind. At this point the ring on the finger is really just a technicality.
My ring took 3 months to make so I wasn’t sure of when the proposal was coming because he didn’t tell me when it was done. It’s possible to still have a bit of a surprise proposal despite knowing the ring is on the way.
Post # 8
If you’re booking a wedding venue I’m not sure how you don’t qualify as “engaged to be married.” A proposal is exactly that, proposing a plan or suggestion–if you’re already going ahead with the plan what’s the point of ‘overthinking’ the question of whether or not to do it? The fine jewelry is not mandatory, it’s just a silly ad campaign that the shady mofo’s at De Beers invented less than a century ago.
I would book the venue ASAP with my own money. Before that you should map out your expectations and the kind of wedding you want, and what that will likely cost. Don’t book a venue that will need everything from cutlery to chairs to basic decor and assume you can just hand your parents the bill. Consider logistics–is this a business that does weddings and events often? Do they ‘know the drill’ or will you need a lot of extra coordinating? Do you like their list of approved caterers or the food they will otherwise serve? Do they have the kind of alcohol–or lack of alcohol–that you want? Is there parking for guests or will you have to organize a shuttle? There’s a ton of stuff to think about, especially when you’re depending on someone else to pay for it.
Post # 9
Get engaged, THEN pick a date. You are putting the cart before the horse hon.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I don’t see a problem with booking a venue before an “official” proposal because how someone determines whether or not they are engaged varies from couple to couple. For some it’s presenting the ring, bended knee, and all that stuff. For others it’s just agreeing they want to get married and that’s it. So if you two have agreed you want to get married and have picked a date then no, nothing wrong with booking a venue now.
However if you are anticipating other people chipping in for the cost of the wedding, then I wouldn’t book anything you couldn’t cover on your own until you discussed it with those people.
Post # 11
Thanks for the input, everyone! My parents do know the ring is on the way, and I would be fine just picking it up with my BF when it comes in (in a couple weeks I think)..I don’t need him to surprise me and get down on one knee, it’s more of a thing he wants to do personally, which I can respect.
The venue I’m looking at does allow you to place a hold on a certain day, so we could just look at it and hold a potential day- which involves no charge.
We want to get married in October because I have a lot of family flying in, and I live in the Midwest so there are potential blizzards from Novemeber-March. Also, I’m graduating college in September and there are no job possibilities for me in the area- so we’re planning on moving to a bigger city out of state…but all our friends and family are here, and we want to have the wedding here before we move.
Post # 12
We booked the venue before my ring was in and before the formal proposal. We’re paying ourselves though, so we didn’t have to tell anybody until after I had a ring.
Post # 13
I say book it! We were aiming for October last year, hence the Autumn in my user name, but unfortunately one thing led to another and we didn’t get engaged before March, by which point there weren’t any October Saturdays left. At the time I wished I had pencilled it in prior to the engagement – similar situation to you in that I knew he had the ring, but I’m ok now because I get married in <70 days now – yay!
Post # 14
I never understand how one can have the date, venue, and ring picked out and not be engaged because no big fancy proposal happen. The ship has sail already, you’re engaged.
Post # 15
I booked my venue before we were engaged for the same reasons. My then boyfriend was fine with it as we wanted an October wedding too.