Booking venue before engagement — advice on telling family/friends the date?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
33 posts
  • Wedding: May 2016

Would you consider getting engaged without the ring?

Post # 5
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2019 - City, State

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slhbee :  Yeah, this is where I land too. I’m biased, because I feel that you don’t need the ring to be engaged and I know opinions differ on that, but if you’re committed enough that you’re about to book a venue, I think you’re committed enough to call yourself engaged and go ahead and announce! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
981 posts
Busy bee

If you tell people your date, you are effectively announcing your engagement, and if you don’t want to do that before your BF proposes, then you need to wait. Because people won’t get excited twice for the same information, you know? 

Is your wedding a destination wedding or will take a lot of planning for all or most of your guests? If not, I would have the propsal as planned with the ring and all that jazz in March, tell people the date ASAP (email is good for this! or use word of mouth), and then send out your formal invites 4 months before the wedding (instead of the usual 2-3 month lead time)

Post # 8
1640 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

This is more or less what my fiancé and I did. Decided to get married, picked a venue, booked it, got a ring and got engaged a few months later when it was ready. 

Somebody will judge no matter what you do, so do what makes sense to you.

He can buy a cheap cubic ring and propose while y’all wait for your permanent ring. Then announce it and get busy planning. 

Or no fake ring.. but I felt better wedding planning and talking to vendors with something on my finger. 

Post # 11
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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bobblebee :  My husband and I booked the venue before we were engaged. He proposed that next weekend, but still it’s awkward and I don’t recommend telling anyone unless you’re officially engaged and ready to announce that. It feels weird, people don’t understand, some will question if you’re delusional and if he’s actually going to propose, and yes, while we shouldn’t let other people’s opinions dictate our lives, it was annoying. 

My recommendation is to choose 1 of 2 possibilities:

1. Book the venue and don’t tell anyone yet. When he proposes in March, announce your engagement, then send your save the dates in April (or even later this year). Save the dates are usually only sent 1 year in advance. September/October 2020 is a while away and you should be fine. If someone in your immediate family starts talking a vacation on that day, then tell them as a necessity, but it’s not likely. It’s rare, very rare, for people to plan 1 1/2 years in advance, unless they’re getting married. 

2. Announce your engagement sans ring. I also have personal experience with this, and it also has its drawbacks. My ring was not ready, but my now-husband had a plan, and had already missed an opportunity he’d wanted to propose. So he proposed with a stand in, that I then had to send back to wait for another week for my ring to come  in. All anyone wanted to do was see the ring and it got old fast. I only waited a little over a week; you’d be waiting months. 

I’d go with option 1. You don’t need to send out save the dates over a year in advance. 

Post # 13
983 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

If it’s the perfect venue and wedding date for you, I would jump on it and not let the logistics of telling people you’re engaged/not having a ring stop you.

You could have him propose with a stand in ring. Or just announce that you’re engaged, but you’re still waiting for the custom made ring (you can wear a stand in if you’d like, of course). He can still do a proposal with the actual ring when it comes in, but I’d say once you book the venue you’re engaged whether there’s a proposal or not. But I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with doing an official proposal after you’re already engaged (for instance, I’ve heard of couples where one person proposes and the other person proposes back at a later date). There’s also nothing wrong with forgoing the proposal entirely.

After you’ve sorted that out, just tell everyone the truth. You’re engaged, but you’re waiting on the actual engagement ring to come in because it’s being custom made. If they ask why you got engaged before the engagement ring came in, just tell them that you found the perfect venue that had an opening this year, and you had to jump on it so couldn’t wait for the ring. I don’t see people having an issue with that.

Post # 14
5118 posts
Bee Keeper

If you’ve decided on a venue and a date you’re already engaged as far as I’m concerned. And it is possible to be engaged without a ring ; I was, and we picked the ring out the following week. So far as “surprising” you with the ring you’ve already designed, that would all be for show and I don’t see the point – or the “surprise”.

Post # 15
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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bobblebee :  I mean assuming most couples talk about marriage before they get engaged, it wouldn’t be surprising for a couple to plan the wedding when they’re talking about getting engaged – especially if the ring timeline is just because of the jeweler. I don’t think it would be weird. If you guys are comfortable with it, then do it. I can see how maybe you would’ve wanted to have a ring and a big moment with your family to announce your engagement. I think either way would work.

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