Booking venue before engagement — advice on telling family/friends the date?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
2731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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bobblebee :  My bad! I misunderstood your OP. If it’s this year, then I completely understand the urgency. I would announce the engagement without the ring. Your idea about wearing the topaz ring for venue visits is a good idea. But really, I found vendors to be less pushy then friends, coworkers, and family. I wasn’t engaged yet (through a proposal) and didn’t have my ring yet when I visited venues with my mom, and no one asked a thing. It was mainly people at work who were driving me crazy. We were engaged 5 months before the wedding, but we did announce the date as soon as possible to make sure people reserved our date. 

Post # 17
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2019

You could always have him propose with a cheap stand in ring (there are so many options on Amazon).  This way you could announce your engagement soon (before the save the dates).  Then tell close friends and family that he wanted to share the experience and design the ring with you (which would explain not getting your real ring until March).  

Post # 18
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’m not a huge fan of this after seeing what happened first hand. My Brother-In-Law and his Girlfriend (at the time, now fiance) thought they were fine with doing it backwards and book the venue first. They booked it and then got all pissy when people weren’t super excited for them because there was no engagement annoucement and it people didn’t know whether to congratulate them or pretend they didn’t know they had a date set already. A month later they got engaged and again, there was a huge lack in excitement because they already had the venue booked and it was kinda like ok so what? SO they actually cancelled their deposit and picked a new date and venue so they could get the congrats and cheers they wanted but never received.

Post # 19
Member
1554 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

We also booked our wedding before the ring arrived (it was in production) but we kept it a secret until the official proposal. 

But you have a huge guest list and only about 9 months so I can understand telling them now. 

Post # 20
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2020

I dont know if you would be ok with this but what about a really cheapie ring until you have the actual ring? Pretty much as a place holder? Just tell people the real ring had to get sized and will take a while.. My fiance proposed and the ring was too small so we need it sized and being the busy season they told 3-4 weeks and I didn’t want to go without nothing so we got a really cheap ring that I am wearing until mine comes in.. After you design it and know what it should look like, That way he can still propose and you get on with your planning.. 

 

Post # 21
Member
2209 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

We looked at venues before we were engaged as well, but we didn’t book until after (took a while to find a venue that would hold 350 people, much less within our budget so I feel you!), just because we got our ring a little quicker than we originally thought (it was also custom). 

I agree with PP to get something cheap, have him propose and just say that the real ring is getting sized/made/whatever! I also felt better talking to vendors with something on my finger.

You could also just tell your parents/siblings. Just explain like you did here. You found a great venue, the ring isn’t made yet, but there was an opening so you jumped on it! We are planning our wedding in 7 months, so it can be done pretty easily.

And you don’t have to send save the dates out super early. Get engaged, enjoy it for a month, and send them out a month later! 

Post # 24
Member
5122 posts
Bee Keeper

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bobblebee :  just explain it to them and don’t act like you’re embarrassed about it. Just be matter of fact.

Post # 25
Member
297 posts
Helper bee

Just call it a mutual engagement so you can start telling everyone.

Post # 26
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

In my opinion, a ring does not an engagement make. I believe being engaged is having made the decision that at some point you are going to marry eachother. I know many people who have got engaged (as in, mutually decided they are going to get married, whether that be via traditional proposal or a simple conversation) and got the ring afterwards. I reckon you should accept that you are engaged and then you can tell people to save the date without any other factors coming into play.

Our announcement of our engagement was when I got the ring in November, but we had been designing the ring since April and discussing weddings for a couple of years. The ring by that point was a formality. No one will think it’s weird if you announce your engagement without a ring, but I do think some may be taken aback to be given a save the date for the wedding of a couple who haven’t announced they’re engaged yet.

And of course, all of this is completely irrelevant if you decide to do whatever you want and not care what anyone else thinks (totally valid option).

Post # 27
Member
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

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bobblebee :  Would you be open to gettign engaged with a stand in ring? That is what my fiance and I did. He wanted me to pick out my own ring and also did nto want to brign such an expensive item to another country with us (he proposed in Mexico). So I ended up wearing a stand-in ring for a couple months until we picked out mine and it arrived. It was just a cheap piece of costume jewlery I had already owned.

That way you can be officially engaged, have your date and tell everyone! 🙂

Post # 28
Member
2209 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

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bobblebee :  As of right now (2 mos out) we are still pumped for the big wedding! At the shower I introduced all my local friends to my cousins and they had such a blast! So we are really excited to get everyone together! I’ll let you know after if it was worth it 😉 !

It is an interesting challenge. Everything is just such a bigger scale. Since we are DIYing a lot of stuff, its like, you’re tired but you still have 100 invitations, or 30 lanterns or something to finish. And we are really worried about timing. Keeping the mass shorter, what to do for a recieving line (thanking everyone), how many shuttles to run, how many bars/bartenders/servers to have, how many seating charts to display, etc. So that is the stuff that we are more worried about. Making sure everyone has a good time and isn’t stuck in a line somewhere! 

Post # 30
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

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bobblebee :  we actually did this last year! https://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/booked-venue-before-engaged-officially-am-i-the-only-one-that-did-it-backwards/

If I were you, I’d prep the STD’s and be ready to mail them the day after you are officially/publicly engaged. My Fiance wanted the proposal to be special, so we weren’t telling anyone (except our parents) until that happened. If that isn’t something that is a big deal to you guys, then go ahead and be publicly engaged without the ring! No big deal! 

Congrats!

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