(Closed) Born in the USA… And what happens next

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 91
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Moonbear17:  Taxes are not a personal savings account that you draw out of when needed.  Taxes pay for a multitude of shared benefits and services – parks, roads, schools, social programs.  

Social programs for those in actual need are wonderful.  If you make the salary you claim, why can’t you finance your own maternity leave?  More importantly, why shouldn’t you?  

Post # 92
Member
2814 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Zhabeego:  Wow. So not only do you disagree with the parking, but you also park there and take that spot from somone who might need it more than you.

You’re awesome.

…and you know what else is? Karma.

Post # 93
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Zhabeego:  This is laughable at this point.

Maybe because it’s a benefit HER company gives her and that SHE works for? That’s why she shouldn’t have to pay for it herself. Again, it’s a benefit provided for by her company. How ignorant can you get? 

Lets say you want to adopt a child, some companies have grant programs for that. Does that piss you off too? Feel second-class over it? 

 

Post # 94
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

urchin:  I park in legal, open and available spaces.  Yes, someoe might need it more than me or maybe I might need it more than them. 

If someone has legitimate medical issues, they can apply for and receive a placard to park in a handicapped parking space – that’s what they’re there for and I’d never dream of parking in one of them. 

If you don’t need or don’t qualify for a handicapped space and you are healthy enough to go shopping, then you are certainly healthy enough to get yourself from the parking lot into the store. 

Parking on a first come, first served basis existed and worked just fine and fairly for everyone for decades.  Pregnant women, new moms and parents managed just fine without them.  Now they scream like entitled, stuck pigs if they’re not accommodated. 

Here’s the thing – when you CHOSE to get pregnant and have kids, you also CHOSE to be inconvenienced by those things.  Not anyone else. 

Stork parking is just another example of the ridiculous sense of entitlement of modern day parents.  They have somehow managed to convince themselves they have undertaken some heroic, monumental task that requires the rest of society to give them preferential treatment.  They are incorrect. 

I’m not the least bit worried about karma.  I don’t think karma requires me to act like a second class citizen because of someone else’s life choices. 

 

lolita39:  Maybe I misunderstood – I thought she was referring to government paid maternity leave when she referred to taxes. 

Employers can offer whatever benefits they like but those benefits should be equally available to all employees.  If someone else can get a year off for having a baby or get a subsidy for adopting, another employee should be able to get a year off to write a novel or get a subsidy for whatever it is they want to pursue. 

Post # 95
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Bette_Noire:  I didn’t say poverty was deserved.  I was born into a house hold that had 7 people living in a one bedroom apartment.  I know what poverty is, and my paren’ts didn’t expect the government or anyone else to take care of them because they decided to have kids.  People work hard and some people work more than one or two jobs and save up money to get things they want, they don’t go begging a Nanny state to fund their lifestyles. Why would you want the government to take care of you?  It limits your potential and keeps you in servitude. 

 

Post # 96
Member
1440 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m not sure how it works in the US (or other countries), but in Canada out of each pay cheque we pay income tax, EI and CPP. Income tax is utilized by the government as a tax revenue for whatever the government is funding. EI is employment insurance … it is used to pay for people who have been fired and are working on getting alternate employment, people who have gotten sick and are on medical or disability leave, or people who are on maternity/parental leave. CPP is used towards pensioners. Now, my generation is likely never going to see anything from our CPP contributions, it is what it is.

However, if am paying EI off every paycheque for the rest of my life, I would much rather reap the benefits of my own maternity leave, than pay for someone else who is unemployed or sick, or another new mom or partner taking parental leave. I’m just recouping what I pay off every single pay cheque. Because favour willing, I will hopefully not find myself in situations where I am without employment or medically unable to work. 

So yes the government is “funding” my “baby vacation” … but it’s something I’m already paying for. If I paid for the steak, I’m going to eat the damn steak.

Post # 97
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Zhabeego:  Except for that having children/starting a family/ adopting/ etc. is a necessary part of human survival. Humans have to continue to have children (take care of children in need) or the human race will die off. I’m not saying that it’s about to happen any time soon, but that’s just the fact of the matter. Writing a novel or going to Aruba for the summer isn’t a necessary part of survival of the human race. 

Furthermore, if you want a company who gives you a year off to do whatever it is that you want to do, go find them. But saying that someone shouldn’t get 6 weeks paid to have a child (or even 3 months of unpaid) is ridiculous. That’s their benefit from their company that they work for. You can save up your vacation time and take a 6 week vacation if your company allows for it. 

You can also find a company that does have grants for non-child related things, such as going back to school. 

I will stick with this, until there is affordable day care and school systems that work around normal job hours, we will talk more. You mentioned in an earlier post how mothers have to leave to pick up sick kids, go to soccer games, bringing kids into the office, etc. Have you ever thought about how it must feel to be in the parents shoes? Constantly having to decide between work and family? Getting looks from people like you? Giving up promotions/dreams because they know they cannot commit to the time? It’s not easy. You can sit and complain about how you feel so taken advantage of by families in the work force (and sometimes, it’s not always fair), but the grass isn’t always greener. Yes, it was their choice to have kids (even though it’s not always the choice of a parent), but should it be right for a human need (to have a family) to be denied/compromised just so they can excel in their career? Also, just so you aren’t inconvenienced by their 6 weeks off? 

I’m also not sure where you get that mothers act like “stuck pigs” over parking spaces, but honestly that’s absurd. Who cares enough over a parking space to actually feel like a second class citizen? Can moms park in the back of the parking lot and tote their three kids into the grocery store? Of course! Can pregnant women waddle their way into the store? Obviously. It’s just a nice consideration of the company. If you don’t like companies that provide consideration for pregnant woman and families, shop at other stores. Or I suppose you could continue taking parking spots that weren’t designated for you. 

 I don’t know about your family life or if you have/had kids. But until you’ve carried a heavy car seat with a heavy baby across a parking lot in the rain, you don’t know their situation enough to call them a “stuck pig” for whining that someone like you were inconsiderate enough to take their spot. 

 

Post # 98
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

lolita39:  Despite what the mommybloggers want everyone to believe, neither you nor they are doing me, the planet or the rest of the world a favor by having children.  We don’t owe you a debt of gratitude or anything else.  The world is already has, what?  Seven billion people?  And most of them got here without their parents having paid maternity leave.  You are not ensuring the survival of the human race and your having a baby is no more deserving of paid time off than someone else’s desire to write the great American novel. 

Life is about choices.  Yes, of course its right and fair for a person to have the choice to excel in their career or choose to have a family.  Why wouldn’t that be fair? 

 Do you really not see the entitlement in your post? 

This may come as a great shock to you but EVERYONE has their own problems and challenges – not just parents and parents problems and challenges are not more important than anyone else’s. 

 

Does the parent ducking out early – again – to attend a damn soccer game think about the fact that everyone else has a life outside of work and things they want and need to do as well? Beyond that, when you accept a job, you accept the responsibilities that come with that job – that doesn’t change once you get knocked up. 

I’ll say it again – when YOU chose to have kids, YOU chose to be inconvenienced by them.  If you don’t want to carry that heavy car seat – leave your kid at home or don’t have them to begin with.  Your choice to do so in no way obligates me to give you preferential parking or anything else.  The company offering the stork parking doesn’t give a damn if I park there as long as I come in their store and spend my money there. 

A few months ago an elderly neighbor of ours slipped and fell on the ice in the parking lot of the local grocery store.  She broke her leg and now has to live in a nursing home.  Her life is essentially over.  No more independence – just waiting to deteriorate more and more until she eventually dies.  That grocery store has a stork parking.  Explain to me why a pregnant woman was more deserving of that space than my neighbor? 

 

Post # 99
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Zhabeego:  As you so lovingly put it, if your neighbor has “legitimate medical issues, they can apply for and receive a placard to park in a handicapped parking space.” So, in this case, does she not have the right to a premiere parking spot? 

You’re laughable. Your logic argues with itself. 

You really think that all working moms follow the mommyblogger mentality? My point is that if EVERY woman stopped having children, humans would cease to exist. So while I might not be doing YOU personally any favors by having a child, I am fulfilling a basic biological need that many people have. 

Paid maternity leave is a benefit in the USA by the company. No one else. The company. You don’t pay for it. Like I said, if you’re picking up slack due to someone being away, you need to find a better company and stop complaining about it. Because, I’m not sure how that is gratitude. How do you go from parental leave to straight to second class citizen and gratitude? No one is asking for gratitude. Point out where people are asking for gratitude please. I’ll wait. 

And I’ll say it again not EVERY parent actively tries to concieve and “chooses” to have a child. Some are morally against abortion, or do not feel adoption is an option. Some get pregnant earlier than expected. Others feel a moral/religious obligation to have a family. Some want a family more than anything but simply cannot afford to miss so much work in order to have children. By your standards, they just shouldn’t have children. Which then means that only upper class families should have children. That’s not realistic. People from all walks of life are going to have children. 

Also, maybe your JOB should be a novelist or something in the field of novels if your dream is to write the great American novel. If that’s not possible and you need a year off to go write it, find a company to work for where that’s possible. 

Do you not get how entitled you sound? 

“If you don’t want to carry that heavy car seat – leave your kid at home or don’t have them to begin with.”

Right? Because daycare/baby sitters are readily available 100% of the time at the drop of a hat? So there will never be a situation ever, where a mother HAS to take her child to the grocery store/other type of store? But you know, you can’t be inconvenienced by a mom. She should just leave her kids at home. UGH. How HARD for you. 

And the working moms who continually “duck out early” to attend a soccer game, bring it up with your boss. If it’s impacting your work, their work, and/or the companies production then talk about it with someone. Otherwise, hush up about it. For all you know, maybe they’ve already missed games or practices or it’s their turn to provide snacks. Like I said, the grass isn’t always greener. No one is asking for “gratitude”. And the argument about the moms ducking out and bringing in sick kids doesn’t even apply to maternity leave. Start a new thread about it. 

 

Post # 100
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

Zhabeego:  first of all I never said anything about my salary. all I’ve said is that my job isn’t even required to hold my job for me. my fiance and I will be financing my maternity leave. like I said if we qualified and needed to use some sort program for financial help during that time I would not feel bad, that’s why I pay taxes. Not because they are my personal savings account, but because as you said they are there for people who need them, so if I need them I will use them. I do think that a 12 week maternity leave at partial pay would be awesome, especially considering no daycare I know of will take children under 6 weeks old. I’m a parent so of course that’s important to me, I also understand why it wouldn’t be important to you. I’m also confused aboutt he company you work for, it’s okay for people to just not do their jobs? because you sure make it sound like parents are just not doing their jobs. If your company is valuing them over you maybe it’s for a reason. If you don’t like it maybe you should find somewhere that will value you and your charming personality more. You need to stop lumping all parents together. people are individuals, some of them suck some of them don’t. some of the parents I work with are lazy assholes, but so are some people without kids. I don’t think having kids changes your work ethic much. as far as strok parking goes, I’ve only ever seen that at stores that mainly cater to parents so it seems like a smart customer service move on their part, if you don’t like it don’t shop there. I’m pretty sure stork parking didn’t come about by a bunch of entitled mommies picketing. you may have an easier time making your point if you tried to make a little more sense and be a lot less rude. 

Post # 101
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

lolita39:  I will never understand why people bitch and moan so much about how all the parents get “special” treatment. if you want a flexible schedule ask for it! if you want time off ask for it! if your company values you they will likely give it to you, if they don’t value you there is probably a reason. 

Post # 102
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Moonbear17:   I’ve just seen two sides of the spectrum. I  KNOW that it can be difficult to have kids and work. Sometimes, parents do have to leave early to pick up their kids or do whatever else parents do. But as long as it’s okay with the boss and it’s not negatively impacting the work, who cares? I also know what it feels like for a parent to take advantage of the system. But unless you speak up about it, nothing will come of it!  I don’t get why people don’t just ask for time off themselves either!

I’m 200% with you on this. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by  lolita39.
  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by  lolita39. Reason: Typo
Post # 103
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

lolita39:  I get that is must be incredibly frustrating to see someone take advantage of the system. I’ve had a job and supported myself since I was 17 so I have a pretty hard time with slackers at work in general. That said I’ve always been able to talk to any boss I’ve had about any concerns. I’m pretty lucky in that most people I work with are awesome and we all try to help each other out if some need a day off or to leave early for any reason. I work with two single mothers who both bust ass at work trying to support their kids, and they certianly do not slack off. I know some people do take advantage and play the parent card, but none of the parents I’ve worked with ( myself included) do, and I find it insulting to lump everyone together. Some companies to give great benefits to parents, just like some companies give great benefits to people who can work 50+ hours a week, you just need to find the right fit for you. 

Post # 104
Member
3356 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

lolita39:  I was actually referring more to the pregnant parking spots, but either way, I disagree with you. Pregnancy is not a disability. Being sick as a result of pregnancy is a separate topic altogether, but it doesn’t cripple you. I can’t claim disability just because I have a tad bit too little insulin in my system (for example).

I still completely agree with Zhabeego.

Post # 105
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

strawbs:  Actually by the ADAAA, pregnancy can become a disability. Which is why I said it’s another topic entirely. There are some conditions in pregnancy where you can become crippled and are therefore disabled due to pregnancy. So yes, you CAN claim disability just because you have “a tad bit too little insulin” or too much in your system. GD isn’t a laughing matter and the symptoms can be dire for some. 

I didn’t know taxes had anything to do with pregnant parking spots? Maybe I’m confused. Wasn’t that the majority of your post? 

Again, the parking is a consideration of the company to get families with children and pregnant women to shop there, not a “need” by pregnant women. 

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