Boss's SO tried to take me to his place…

posted 1 year ago in Weddingbee
Post # 2
Member
580 posts
Busy bee

No that is not mellow and you are not over reacting. I wouldn’t ever put myself in a situation where I am alone with him because he is clearly a scum bag but I don’t think I’d say anything to your boss because that will 100% back fire on you (I’m not saying this is great advice, just saying what I’d personally do/not do) If anything, I’d maybe look for another job… but if you like everything else about your job, I wouldn’t bother and maybe just be extremely standoffish/cold to him going forward and like I said, avoid being around him all together. Sorry you had to experience that 🙁

Post # 4
Member
640 posts
Busy bee

Drunken consent is not real consent imo. Not unless you know each other really well and have a current sexual relationship. He’s trash for even trying. Given the dynamic of the relationship (he owns the company his SO manages and you work under his SO) I totally understand you freezing up and then trying to justify it but it’s not ok Bee. I hate the idea of not saying anything because in the grand scheme of things it’s just protecting him and his gross actions. Is there someone else running your HR department that maybe you could talk to or a coworker to confide this info? I just want you to protect yourself and have some kind of back up in case something like this happens again and/or you keeping your distance from him comes off as rude or unprofessional. 

Post # 5
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee

anon82070 :  this guy sounds so grimey…. I’m glad you immediately told your husband what happened. It sounds like this was 100% a power move and he did it fearlessly because he knows you can’t tell anyone who can actually do anything to him. His wife would *definitely* blame YOU, and he’s the top-dog of the company. Men like this fucking sicken me. Never go anywhere with him present again, because I guarantee he will passive-aggressively taunt you about this moving forward. That’s just how these types of men operate. 

 

I’d hate to suggest you looking for another job if you’re otherwise satisfied with the company, but…if it were me, I’d Nope outta that company & report his ass real quick. 

Post # 7
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

That is sexual harassment. It does not matter where you all were or if drinking was involved. The law says any time or place two or more co-workers are together is considered the work place. I’m afraid it’ll happen again.  Consider filing a complaint with the EEOC, if you are in the US.  This is a serious incident. You should be very thankful your incident wasnt worse but imagine what could happen next time. To you or someone else…

Post # 8
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee

anon82070 :  you’re nervous because you’re in a bad position, bee. You’re essentially powerless in this situation (unless you seek legal assistance, which is obviously going to be difficult since you’ll have the burden of proof *and* there is likely significant financial disparity between you and the business owner). 

 

Are your coworkers trustworthy enough to talk to about this? I just hate that you’re going to essentially be forced to walk on eggshells for the rest of your career there, even though you aren’t at fault in ANY way! I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation…what does your husband suggest??

Post # 9
Member
12107 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

This guy is as slimy as they come. It’s his company and that is blatant sexual harassment of an employee. On top of this he knows you are married and that you were clearly unreceptive, but kept going. My guess is he will call you in to say he had too much to drink. Maybe he did, but it’s no excuse. By the way, if he had been drinking at all I would not have gotten into that car with him. 

Post # 10
Member
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

anon82070 :  reading it back it does NOT sound mellow.  I mean.. unless your threshold for mellow vs not is did he full on sexually assault you. 

He was coming on to you, hard, despite the clear difference in power and your discomfort and lack of interest.  I’d be super uncomfortable too!

I honestly wouldn’t say/do anything, however, out of fear of retaliation, unless this became an ongoing sexual harassment thing.  I would, if he ever asked/offered to give me a ride again say “no thanks. I’d be more comfortable taking a cab alone.”

Post # 12
Member
3275 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t say anything to your coworkers. Stop going out drinking with them. Find a new job.

Unfortunately, going to the EEOC can backfire on you and have lifelong employment implications so I do not recommend this option at all.

Post # 13
Member
1637 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

anon82070 :  This is the type of shit that started the #Metoo movement.  Hope you find the courage to speak up bee.  This is not the kind of shit the should be swept under the rug.  I’m pretty sure he’ll do this again to some other unsuspecting woman because he has the power.  I’m extremely pissed for you bee and at the same time I understand you wish to keep low profile.

I’m side eying your Darling Husband seriously here….I guess he would’ve been okay too if the boss would’ve succeeded in his plans??? If you guys decide to have children and have a daughter is he going to tell her that’s the way to handles this type of thing…..ignore it, let it pass…whatever?

 

Post # 14
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee

sablescorpion22 :  agree 100% with side-eyeing her husband…I wasn’t sure how to articulate that without personally attacking him. he should be so angry at this situation that OP should be having to hold him back from going up to that asshole’s house and giving him a piece of his mind…but rather, he implied that she was “overreacting”? I mean like—what the fuck?  That would make me feel so unprotected and alone 🙁

 

i also agree that talking about this with coworkers could easily backfire. You never know for sure who is in cahoots with the boss trying to make it to the top, bee…

Post # 15
Member
640 posts
Busy bee

He couldn’t think straight so he told you to “keep that shit to yourself?” And that “if there wasn’t any worry of rape it’s fine” he clearly has no clue how inappropriate this situation was. Does he think it’s ok for men to treat women, especially women they hold power over, like that? Has HE treated women like that? Will he teach his sons to treat women like that and teach his daughters to keep that shit to herself? Your hubby needs a reality check especially if he’s going to support you while you navigate through all of this. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors