Boss's SO tried to take me to his place…

posted 1 year ago in Weddingbee
Post # 17
Member
9608 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I’m glad he apologized cus that’s a really fucked up reaction to have to any woman telling you they were just sexually harassed by their boss.. especially a woman you supposedly care about.

Post # 18
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

“But the guy is 13 years older than me! ” – The age difference doesn’t matter. I don’t know why you’d even mention that. That is beside the point.

The boss is a jerk.

Both of you are in a relationship with other people. You all know each other. For all we know, neither of you is in an open relationship. What he did is inexcusable. Your boyfriend’s reaction is also totally out of line.

 

You are the victim here and they are trying to blame you. You need to protect yourself. Do not engage in one on one conversation with the boss. Do not be on your own with him. Avoid him.

Be assertive. 

Post # 19
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

anon82070 :  Uhhh you are not over-reacting. What a pervert! The picking up and tickling or whatever the fu-k he was doing is gross and soooo freaking inappropriate. I would cease all interaction with him outside of anything work related. Eww. 

Post # 21
Member
10568 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

ktina300 :  

This.  Exactly this.

Just letting it go just sets up his next victim.  Maybe he’ll take it further with her.  Maybe she’ll be underage.

Absolutely say nothing to coworkers until you have adequate representation.

zl27 :  Backfired how?  I’ve not heard this before.

Post # 22
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Wow, that’s horrible. You’re not overreacting. At the very least, make sure you’re never around this guy with your guard down. I wouldn’t be comfortable even sippping a lite beer around a slime like that, and would start carrying Mace or something. I don’t know if telling your coworkers is a good idea, since there’s no HR, but would definitely want to document this in some way, at least by keeping notes of what he’s done (the tickling is a regular thing?!) to file a harassment complaint later.

Post # 23
Member
951 posts
Busy bee

anon82070 :  he is technically your boss. That is sexual harrassment. Workplace sexual harrassment is illegal.

Post # 24
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I would have done the same thing if i were in your position and for me it’s not over-reacting. I wonder what could happen to you if your husband didn’t call you in time, it could’ve been worst i guess. maybe you should keep your distance quite a bit with your boss’s SO

Post # 25
Member
420 posts
Helper bee

this whole post gives me the heebie jeebies. 

 

I hope you are okay OP. Clear your head and just make sure you put yourself first in this situation. Jobs come and go and I would be looking into a new job ASAP. Things like this can be terryfying & even damaging so just make sure to take care of yourself.

 

What your boss’ SO did was NOT okay, it is PREDATORY behaviour and he made moves knowing you work under his SO & he is friends with your parner means he thinks he KNOWS you’ll never say something… maybe this has gone further with other people, people don’t act that confident the first time being a sleeze. If he thinks he can get away with it there is nothing stopping him trying with other female coworkers as he seems to be flirty with everyone. Be careful talking to them, gossip travels so fast, BUT also any of them could also be a past victim of his actions, stick to the truth & actions when sharing not emotions or whatifs.

…and I definitely am apart of the group side-eyeing your partner, even if he has apologised.

Post # 26
Hostess
8399 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

anon82070 :  You are not overreacting. He acted so gross towards you, a married woman, when he himself is married. Just gross! I would never be alone with this man ever again. Even if you don’t think he is dangerous it would send the wrong signal to him. 

Post # 28
Member
3183 posts
Sugar bee

sassy411 :  backfire as in screwing up your future employment opportunities.

Post # 29
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

anon82070 :  that is an expected reaction to trauma. You just want to forget it happened, and not cause more upheaval or drama. What we need to remember here is that none of what happened is your fault. You are the victim and you have nothing to be ashamed of or to be defensive about.

You are in a disadvantaged position as the employee who doesn’t want to lose their job – and he knowingly took advantage of that.

My advice is kinda the same as before: if you want to keep this job, keep working normally and try to protect yourself from further abuse. When other opportunities for hanging out come, do not engage in conversation one-on-oné with him. Protect yourself. Don’t allow him to be alone with you ever again. Do not allow advances that “seem” normal, because, after all, he does that often to everyone. If it doesn’t feel normal to you, it should not happen. 

In an ideal world, I’d say “screw this job! Find something else and never look back”, but the real world doesn’t quite worl that way. Maybe it would be good to start thinking of other jobs, though… What qualifications could you get that you would be able to use at a different job? Maybe start with that…

Post # 30
Member
3695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

anon82070 :  YOU didn’t do anything wrong, HE did. You should not be the nervous one but I understand why you are. I probably wouldn’t tell your co-workers if they have a habit of talking out of turn, but if you have a co-worker you can trust, I would tell them what happened. I’m glad your husband recognized the error of his ways the next day. Make sure you aren’t alone with this guy ever again, you may need to tell a co-worker what happened in order to accomplish this. Don;t compromise your comfort around him to hide his gross behavior. If he asks you to do something with him, even if it’s for work, say no. If he asks why, just say “Because I’m not comfortable with that”. 

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