Post # 1
My fiance’s father has told us that he “might be able to help a bit” with wedding expenses which is great! But.. we’ve been discussing ideas with him including the idea of a very small intimate destination wedding, which he immediately shot down saying that some family members might not be able to afford to attend. This is understandable but he also doesn’t agree with the amount of people that we want to invite. We’ve decided that since only my parents are contributing, that we can only afford a very small wedding of about 40 people. My fiance’s father is telling us who we have to invite (ALL of his side of the family). He thinks that we can do this as long as we do it very inexpensively. This is not our idea of our dream wedding, and he doesn’t understand. The whole situation makes us want to run away and elope but I feel that I would be missing out on some of the memories that weddings are supposed to include (walking down the aisle with my father, etc.) At this point we don’t know how to make everyone happy and not hurt anyone’s feelings. HELP
Post # 3
If you’re able to, decline the financial help – me Fiance and I are paying for everything ourselves because my Dad and his Mom are extremely controlling and would insist on us doing the wedding their way. Unfortunately parents and in-laws feel if they’re paying, they’re going to run the show. Good luck!
Post # 4
Do what you want, it is YOUR wedding. Just don’t take any financial help from him. He will get over it.
Post # 5
Whoever pays the piper, plays the tune.
You start paying the pipers and then do whatever you want.
Post # 6
I’m one of the few that believe that just because someone offers to pay for the wedding doesn’t give them the right to be bossy and demanding. I’m in the minority. My parents feel that their money is a gift to us and want us to have our wedding the way we want it. I guess I get my way of thinking about this topic from them.
I feel you. I’ve written about the hell Future Father-In-Law is putting us through.
If he wants all his family there, he can pay for the extra expenses. If your parents’ contributions are more than his, than I’d say he has to follow in line with what’s being done.
Post # 7
I am fortunate in that I have a father who offered us financial help for our wedding with the only request that we ‘not go overboard’. My FH’s family is also helping, but in a more hands on way (FMIL makes beauitful silk flower arrangements, Future Sister-In-Law is a baking enthusiast, etc.).
I would think that if he offered to give you money, then he would stop thinking of it as his money, but apparently that isn’t the norm?
If you plan on having a smaller wedding on a smaller budget, I would reccommend (politely) refusing his financial help. If he’s adamant on certain people being invited, make it clear it’s not reasonable for your budget, unless he’s willing to cover the difference in costs.
Ultimately it’s your wedding, you have the final say. As long as you and your future hubby are on the same page, that’s all that matters.
Post # 8
Unfortuately in this situation you can’t make everyone happy, so make YOURSELVES happy. If your Future Father-In-Law doesn’t accept your plans, that is his decision. That is a tough situation to be in, but if you and your Fiance want a small intimate Destination Wedding, I think you should move ahead with those plans. Most likely Future Father-In-Law will come around and accept your decision, even if he doesn’t agree. I just don’t think that you should sacrifice your day for his vision….you may end up regretting your whole wedding experience. Good luck.