Post # 1
My fiance and I were both raised Catholic, but we are not practicing Catholics anymore. My parents are the type of Catholics who attend church twice a year; his parents at at mass every Sunday.
We decided that we want a priest to marry us. He’s a long-time friend of my family, and has been there through some really hard deaths and has baptized my siblings and I. He’s a Catholic priest, but I think of him more as a family friend. However, my fiance’s parents said that if we, two non-practicing Catholics, were to get married in a Catholic ceremony, he will not be attending.
My mom, upon hearing this, said that if we do not have this family friend/Catholic priest marry us, she will not be attending the wedding. This has caused a lot of tension between our two families — both sets of parents are angry at the other, and there’s been a lot of arguing. Luckily, my fiance and I are able to stick together and support eachother, even though our parents aren’t being supportive.
Besides being totally shocked and hurt that parents would ever threaten to skip their own child’s wedding, I have absolutely no idea what to do. I wish that the priest could marry us in a secular ceremony, but I’m pretty sure that’s not legal for them. Does anyone have advice? And suggestions regarding what I should do? I’m really, really lost…
Post # 3
I’m a little confused with your post. Are his parents bothered that you are having a catholic ceremony or is it the priest who is bothered?
I personally dont have respect for parents that threaten not to attend their own kids ceremony, I they cant use threats like that to control you. I would just say “fine dont come then” and I’m sure they would still come anyway
Post # 4
@bells — No, the priest is a-ok with it. It’s my fiance’s parents who are not okay with us having a Catholic ceremony. They say that, since we’re not practicing Catholics, getting married in a Catholic ceremony would be making a mockery of their religion.
Post # 5
Oh I see… I dont think its their decision to make.
Post # 6
@likelimeade: Seriously, just do what makes YOU GUYS happy. Do what you want to do! It’s your wedding, not theirs! They’ve had their day! This day is all about YOU GUYS. If they’re so petty and childish that they won’t attend, then that’s their issue, and I’m sure they’ll feel nothing but guilty and selfish later.
But yeah…do what you guys want to do regardless of anyone else, don’t let other people make decisions about YOUR wedding.
I hope they come to their senses, love! <3
Post # 7
I wouldn’t have much sympathy for them. After all, if they want you to start practicing, wouldn’t this be a good way? Decide if you will stick by your decision or cave to this particular demand. If you decide to stick to your guns then just say, “this decision is between us, our priest and God.” I am fairly confident that they will not skip your wedding, but I do not know your parents, I’m just saying that based off the feeling that I can’t imagine anyone skipping for that reason. Maybe talk to *their* priest, to see if he can intervene?
Post # 8
I am so so sorry you both have to deal with this. As difficult as it is to deal with these ultimatums, it is important for you both to have the ceremony your way- in the way that is most meaningful.
Also, how wonderful it is that you stick together as a couple in the face of all this stress and combat between families! Very good sign- shows how strong your commitment is. 🙂
Post # 9
Obviously you won’t make either of them happy so do what makes you happy, stick with your Fiance and stand your ground and tell them if they can’t grow up and act like mature loving supportive parents then you don’t want them there anyways 🙂
Post # 10
So they are literally acting holier-than-thou! Sorry, I think that is ridiculous. It’s the Church that decides whether you are able to receive the sacrament of matrimony, not your future parents-in-law.
Post # 11
I say, call their bluff and do what the two of you want to do. I really think that when puch comes to shove they will not miss out on their own son’s wedding. However, you both have to be prepared for that possibility.
Post # 12
Maybe you can have the priest talk to his parents to explain why he was allowing it (you’d think they would listen to a priest, but who knows)
Post # 13
See if you can have the marriage cerimony but not a mass? I’m so sorry. Perhaps try having a family conference with the priest interceeding?
Post # 14
Could you have the ceremony without the mass? I could understand the FIL’s being upset if you guys were having mass, and you’re not practicing – it does kind of make a mockery of their beliefs, but I don’t see a problem (especially if your priest is onboard with the idea!) with the ceremony alone.
Post # 15
You were both baptized as Catholics, correct?? Therefore, even though you aren’t practicing (which you will have to go to mass more often, I’m sure prior to the wedding) it would only make sense that that’s how you’re married??
My Fiance and I have already gotten threats too and at this point we just say it would be their loss. Imagine how embarrassed they would be to have to tell people why they didn’t show up to their own child’s wedding.
Do what makes you two happy. 🙂
Post # 16
If you cave to either side’s request, just remember that that will set a precedent for the rest of your marriage.