Post # 1
So I thought I wanted to do boudoir shoot for my Fiance….we are in an LDR and he LOVES getting pics of me, and I always love the look of them, so I thought it would be perfect.
BUT I had some doubts:
1. the expense. (they can get expensive) (my sloution to this was have a friend of mine do them for me)
2. I am a Full Figured Bee and so I was slightly self-concious… my Fiance of couse says I am beautiful no matter what.
3. the Biggie… my Fiance used to have a porn addiction. I get a little worried that doing something like this would be too close to that and would send him back… he has worked so hard to beat it and I am so proud of him, I don’t want to be the thing that makes him stumble. (I know is it different when it is me, but still I hope you can apreciate my concern)
so I decided to ask my MOH/ best friend in the whole world about it… she is the only one who knows about his struggle so I thought maybe she would give me some perspective….
She FREAKED OUT. telling me no no no it was just like porn and I would feel dirty and not feel bettere about my self or my body…This was quite unexpected and now I am just feeling down. Now I feel like I will never have the courage becuase I will always be in the shadow o the “P” word. She basically ruined it for me.
what would you do? would you feel put out now? is she right?
sigh. back to feeling like an ugly fatty.
Post # 3
It is none of her business. Also, it isn’t like porn at all. It is artistic and beautiful.
That said, it needs to be done by a professional. You won’t feel beautiful without the proper lighting, posing, retouching, and guidance. DIY boudoir is generally not a good idea.
Post # 4
You have to follow you heart and do what feels right to you.Your Maid/Matron of Honor cant really make that call for you.
Post # 5
awww… that is so sweet and wise that you are sensitive to his past addiction! I definitely think that you should follow your heart if this is a warning sign…
or, what about a PG boudoir? 🙂
Post # 6
@kwynn: TOTALLY agree. It’s NOT porn, and get a professional.
Post # 7
It would be porn if it were some random chick sending sexy photos of herself…you’re not some random woman, you’re going to be his WIFE! To me, that is the difference.
I did a boudoir shoot for my Fiance and it was SO much fun! Admittedly, seeing the raw pictures was overwhelming but once my photographer edited them, wow, I absolutely love them and can’t wait to give them to Fiance. For me, if anything, it was a huge improvement to my self-esteem.
I think this is a personal decision and only you know what is right. I’m not sure how much the porn addiction would play into this – you will be his wife and he will see you naked in the future. To me, that’s different than porn.
Post # 8
If I were you and really wanted to get boudoir photos, I would go to a professional photographer that specializes in those type of shots. They can get really nice shots without making you look pornish. I have seen boudoir photo shoots that are amazing and get the point across without looking pornish.
Post # 9
If you find the right photographer, it will look nothing like porn.
I say go for it, but make sure the lighting isn’t too harsh, that you aren’t too posed or “theme” (like licking a gigantic lollipop or something) as that can skew a little more porn than you would like.
Keep the lighting soft and the tone of the pictures sexy but not overt and you’ll look stunning and NOT porny.
Post # 10
I disagree with your Maid/Matron of Honor that it’s anything like porn for goodness sakes! It’s as tasteful or risque as you want it to be, but I would not akin it to porn!
I think if you’re worried about your Fiance and his past addiction, why not aim for something in more of a “pin up” girl style? It’s a bit more modest, but fun and you can use some adorable props!
Post # 11
Yeah but you aren’t porn… I’m assuming that the two of you have been intimate if you’re engaged and what disgusts most people about porn is the fantasy of being with a woman that a man has never met before… and that it can be all slooty and such. If he asks you to pose and has intentions with the pictures other than keeping them for himself, you have a problem. But this is someone you intend to trust with the rest of your life… so it would probably be a pretty nice surprise 🙂
Post # 12
Porn involves flaunting and putting emphasis on your very private girl parts. I don’t think a boudoir shoot would have any of this.
Post # 13
@bakerella: that’s EXACTLY what I was thinking!!!!
Especially if you go the OLD OLD OOOOLLLLLD style on the 50’s.
Trust me, boudior, if done right, does NOT look like porn. (I’m the type of girl who snooped through playboy just to see what the big deal was…. yes, I DID do this! LOL!) There is a HUUUUUGE difference between pin-up/boudiour and porn.
If you don’t want to do bouidor, why not go all fantasy-ish? As in dress up in something short and sexy, fantasy-ish make-up and send that to him? Photoshoots don’t HAVE to be boudior.
You know what your Fiance likes and what he’d looooove to see, so you can always play up to that.
example: red riding hood-type costume that’s short and sexy. Or Alice in Wonderland, or anything like that. There’s plenty of “dress up” costumes out there that are short, sexy, and sweet that aren’t even CLOSE to porn that you could wear for a photoshoot.
Just an idea for an alternative, if you’re really worried a bouidor might turn him back to his old addiction.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t worry about it because you two are in a commited relationship. I just think the “porn” title gets knocked out the window if you’re in a relationship. Even if its sex tape, if it’s with an SO its a sex tape, not porn.
Post # 15
As a guy I agree with your Maid/Matron of Honor. It may not be porn but it’s a step in that direction. what do you expect he is going to do with these pictures?
Don’t forget the classic definition of porn: material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement
I know BPICS are not penthouse, but if you expect these to “excite” your Fiance, then it’s porn by definition.
Post # 16
I’m sorry your Maid/Matron of Honor freaked out on you. I’m very sensitive on the porn issue. I understand that everyone feels differently about it and that’s ok but for me it’s a huge problem. With that said, I am still doing a boudoir shoot because I don’t equate it with porn. It’s no more pornographic than a Victoria’s Secret catalog. These are meant to be more sensual than erotic. I would definitely shop around, find a photographer who does them in a style you like and a price you can afford.
I wanted to add, that only you know your FH and whether or not he could handle it. I think it’s wonderful that you are so concerned with his well-being.