Bought a Ring Still Wont Propose

posted 1 year ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
3048 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

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sickofwaiting :  oh my God… What an asshole! 

I’m sorry he has fucked you around like that 🙁

Super glad to hear about your health update though!! 🎉

Post # 32
Member
2224 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Congrats on being in remission! Whatvfantastic news! 

Sounds like it’s time to get back in your groove and then wave goodbye to this man. What a jerk! 

Post # 33
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

I’m glad to hear you’re in remission! That is fantastic news!

You sound like you have the new lease on life that you deserve. Focus on yourself and your child. I can’t believe you and your SO talked about engagement recently and then he “forgot” about it. If my SO had gone through cancer and told me how important it was to be married soon, I would be thinking about it CONSTANTLY. You deserve someone who 1) considers your emotional needs, and 2) is excited to marry you.

I’m just curious, what do you plan to do on the off chance he proposes before you get back on your feet?

Post # 34
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

So he’s ok with drafting a will so all your money and everything you have goes to him if the worst should happen, but isn’t willing to marry you which would also give him the same benefits as a will staying he is your ‘heir’ so to speak without the commitment? I would calmly ask him about this and see his reaction.

 Does he really not see the point when you can sign a document leaving everything to him without the commitment? Or does he really want to be married but is simply afraid of any medical bills or debts falling on him because you’re married instead of just being written off if you’re not.  Whichever of those is his way of thinking makes a big difference in how to feel/react and you can go from there. 

If the first is true I’d really be second guessing him and thinking long and hard about whether it’s a deal breaker for me. If the second is true talk about insurance and possibly trying to upgrade to better coverage. Something along those lines. I’ve never been in your situation so I’m not sure how finances and insurance are for it but it will at least give you very important clarification on how he sees the situation and starting point to work it out. 

Post # 35
Member
10 posts
Newbee

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gryffindork75 : I very, very much so doubt that he will. If he ever proposes, it would only be when I’m actually moving out or soon after I’m gone. I’d give it about as much consideration as he gave the proposal in the last 14 months, before, during, and after my cancer chapter of life. Per our past talk when he admitted he “forgot” about yet another passed timeline, it would have to be something that was actually earth shattering for me to even consider. I would have been absolutely thrilled with a heartfelt proposal at any time before, but at this point it’s just going to be too little too late. Looking back on our relationship, he didn’t really put any effort into anything. The most effort he’s done was my birthday trip this year, which would have been absolutely perfect for a proposal (out in nature, fireworks, lake, family I love around, would have truly been a dream but he didn’t even bring the ring with him at all). That was literally the only thing that showed effort, and I planned and organized the entire trip anyway (he drove, got fireworks, etc). Typically, if a special occasion is celebrated (he often forgets), he does the minimum effort. I deserve more than last minute minimal effort and any proposal he’d throw out while getting back on my feet would be a half-assed “please stick around” proposal and would likely not even lead to a wedding or courthouse.

My body has had considerable changes to it because of the location of the cancer and severity of it that it will inevitably making dating again be difficult. We both know that, but I guess he doesn’t realize I’d rather be single than be strung along and made to feel unwanted or unworthy. 🤷‍♀️

Post # 36
Member
10 posts
Newbee

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rosegoldlover :  he had wanted to protect funerary rights, but now that I’m in remission it’s not a primary concern for now.

We we’re both concerned about the cost of medical bills, especially because I could lose my disability coverage getting married. Because I’m presently on Medicaid for treatment, I don’t have medical bills. I was fine with putting a wedding on hold until either I got better or things were terminal, however I wanted at least an engagement before declaring him my next of kin or anything. Now that I’m in remission and no longer need treatment, the “medical expenses” reason doesn’t hold water. I’ll need scans for a few year, and there is a possibility for recurrence, however if we’re waiting for it to be considered “cured”, well have to wait 5-10 years. I’m not willing to play house that long for someone who already has a ring, but just doesn’t care to propose.

Post # 37
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

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sickofwaiting :  I’m glad to hear you’re in remission, and praying for you to stay healthy. I lost an aunt to lung cancer.

Also, good for you that you’re sticking to your guns and have enough self respect to walk away! So many women stay in dead end relationships, which is a shame.

 

Edit to add: this guy seems like a jerk.

Post # 38
Member
10 posts
Newbee

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aimforthestars : Thank you! It’s hard to walk because we do have a child together and the one friend I confided in has been encouraging me to just wait a bit more and let things “go back to normal”. There is no “back to normal”, just a new normal. And really, how much more time does he need when he’s had 5 years together, living together for 4, a 3 year old child, and has been sitting on a ring for 14 months? He set this most recent timeline and he “forgot” about it because in reality, the timeline was just to shut me up. He knew from the beginning I wanted to be married before 30, not still be waiting on a proposal after my 30th. Especially when he knew I neither wanted or expected anything elaborate. I would have been happy with a simple, yet heartfelt and timely proposal. But still nothing. 

Post # 39
Member
1411 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: USA

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sickofwaiting :  Yeah, if he wasn’t willing to marry you when you both needed those protections most, he sure as hell won’t be doing it now. He isn’t acting like someone who is concerned about taking care of their SO through thick or thin, otherwise he would have married you YEARS ago, and ESPECIALLY when you were diagnosed. I would rather raise a child in a loving environment where mommy was actually happy and not bitter. Kids can sense these kinds of things as they get older. Especially if mom & dad aren’t married. But they have a ring. But mom doesn’t wear it? That’s not the kind of relationship I’d want to model for my children. 

Post # 40
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Another one here so glad to hear of your remission. I also really applaud your emotional strength and clear sighted attitude. I wish you and your little one the absolute best of everything.

Nothing to say about him that hasn’t already been said, except that he is simply unworthy of you. 

 

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sickofwaiting :  

Post # 41
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

You are such a rockstar OP! Huge congratulations on your remission!!!!! Sounds like much better things can now be on the horizon for your life than this guy. He’s a loser tbh, we are just random internet strangers but I can already tell you with 1000% certainty that you are worth way way more.

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sickofwaiting :  

Post # 42
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Yes this. Your health him getting a new job. That’s a lot going on

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explore1the1world :  

Post # 43
Member
38 posts
Newbee

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sickofwaiting :  My situation isn’t nearly as bad as yours, but I completely understand. 

I was just diagnosed 8 days ago. My odds are really good, but there’s nothing like the “C” word to make you realize your own mortality. It really lights a fire under your ass. 

My boyfriend and I had talked about a future and a timeline. He still has about 2.5 years for what we agreed was a reasonable amount of time. 

But the diagnosis made me want to throw caution to the wind. Sadly, it hasn’t made him change his mind. Still, he’s willing to be there and support me through this. 

It must be so much worse for you, having your date passed, and having an actual ring dangled in front of you. I’m sending all the virtual hugs. 

Post # 44
Member
277 posts
Helper bee

That’s amazing that you are in remission! Congratulations!

You deserve a better man.

 

Post # 45
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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sickofwaiting :  I couldn’t be more thrilled for you regarding both your remission and your decision to leave him! You deserve the world, and someone out there is eagerly awaiting the opportunity to give it to you xx 

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