(Closed) Bought me expensive gift instead of ring?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
4996 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would talk to him. Tell him you love the bag but are wondering if it’s too expensive. You could suggest returning it and adding it to the “ring fund” if you know that that’s on the horizon. 

Post # 5
2430 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

View original reply
Lara_11:  It was a gift, don’t over think it and don’t resent it that it wasn’t the gift you might have wanted most.  

Post # 6
8516 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I dont think you can read much into that TBH. He may have set a budget and timeline and based on his regular paychecks, knew that he could make it work in that timeframe. So the bonus may not have needed to go to the ring fund. Or maybe he has the funds for the ring set aside already.

Guys don’t necessarily think like “ooh the faster I save for a ring, the sooner I can propose!” Some have a special date/trip/holiday in mind that they want to propose on and then plan around that.

If you’re that eager to get a proposal as quickly as possible and are worried that he isn’t committed, that’s a whole other issue that probably requires a serious heart-to-heart.

Post # 7
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Don’t over think this. My SO has the ring for few months now and still hasn’t proposed. 

Enjoy purse for now and give it few months. If nothing happens soon, you may want to bring it up casually and see what he says.

Post # 8
691 posts
Busy bee

I agree with PPs, my Fiance had a special date, time, and place where he really wanted to propose, even though he had the ring for awhile and he was super eager to do it! 

If it is bothering you a lot, maybe talk to him but try to approach the topic lightly. He could already have the ring or is in the process of getting one. You never know! I know it’s difficult but try to just enjoy the gift for now and wait. 🙂 

Post # 9
1189 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
TheGridMonster:  I agree with what she said. As a side note, the way your partner chose to spend his bonus indicates that he is quite generous!

I don’t think you need to discuss this, per se, but there’s no reason to not be on the same page when it comes to your life plan. Pick a nice time, maybe next weekend over coffee and pastries, and tell him that you love being with him. Share with him your hopes and ask him what he thinks. Once you’re on the same page you’ll be able to enjoy things more, without having to worry about whether x means y.

Post # 11
222 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t worry about it OP! My FH bought me an LV bag 2 months before he proposed – it’s not necessarily an either-or situation. He wouldn’t be buying you such generous gifts if he wasn’t serious about you. 🙂

Post # 12
208 posts
Helper bee

Talk to him about it. Sometimes guys just have dumb moments, maybe if you ask him why he wanted to buy a bag instead of maybe a ring, he may realize that buying a ring with the bonus was a better idea lol.

Post # 13
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
Lara_11:  Talk to him. My Fiance was really not good with “engagement math”. He said he wanted to get married in a year but knew I wanted at least 8 months to plan a wedding… but somehow didn’t think about that meaning he would have to propose in 4 months. If your man wants a baby within two years but wants to be married before you get pregnant there’s really not much time left unless you don’t need anytime to plan the wedding. It’s time to talk about your timeline. 

Post # 14
21 posts

I definitely know how you feel, but just try not to overthink it.

He just bought me a nice dslr, whichever although it wasn’t a lot of money, it was still a good chunk of change. He wanted to get me one for $1000 and the whole time I kept thinking, wow that would be perfect for an e-ring. But I convinced him to settle on the camera for half that price. Still I’d rather get a ring more than any other gift. 


But it try not to overthink it. From what I gather, men don’t think of it in terms like we do.

Post # 15
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

You might be looking at this the wrong way. Has he ever mentioned that the reason why he hasn’t proposed yet is because he can’t afford a ring? Maybe getting the bonus has nothing to do with proposing because he can already afford a ring. Maybe he wants to surprise you so he said he’s putting the rest of his bonus to his Mom’s flight and car, but he’s actually buying the ring. Also, there is the possibility that he already has the ring and he’s just waiting for the perfect moment to propose. You could try to talk to him about it, but you could end up ruining his proposal If he is trying to surprise you. If I were you I would just be patient and let it happen naturally. 

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