- 4 years ago
- Wedding: April 2016
My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I are getting married in 8 months. We never had any intentions of living together until we were married but circumstances came up and I moved in with him. My future Father-In-Law lives in town with his wife, they used to live on the century farm but decided to make a move and live in town. They had asked their son, my Boyfriend or Best Friend to sell his house and move into the century farm house. So he did. So heres the issue…..Future Father-In-Law comes out to the farm EVERY DAY from 7:30am till around 6pm, EVERY DAY! He may come and go, hang out at the shed or house drinking coffee doing nothing, but we know we dont have time to ourselves until he leaves for home. He doesnt knock, doesnt announce coming in, doesnt call. We’ve even had a moment of alone time and he walked in and yelled for us as he sat down at the breakfast nook and waited for us to come downstairs. If we are in the house, my Boyfriend or Best Friend “hides out” in the house and refuses to go outside. Me, on the other hand, will go outside and do what ever needs done or if we’re working on something, I’ll go outside and finish. I refuse to ‘hide out’ untill he goes. My Boyfriend or Best Friend even goes as far as telling him my finanaces, my kids life and activities, my schedule and our plans for the week/weekend, my health issues, etc. He tells his father everything. I have asked and asked that my Boyfriend or Best Friend set some boundaries for his dad and he replied “I wont and I cant. His name is still on this property and he has every right to come and go as he pleases.” I understand the whole ownership of property but Im 45 yo and Im trying to start a new life with his son and his son is starting over as well with a new life. My Boyfriend or Best Friend mother doesnt interfere, shes only been out to the farm 2 times out of the 3 years we’ve been together. Just yesterday I asked my Boyfriend or Best Friend to not tell his dad our plans for the day and he told me had hadnt told him anything. So when we had breakfast yesterday, his dad sat down and spilled the beans, talked of all our plans for the day. So to me, he lied to me. He could of easily told me ‘sorry, already told him’ but he said to me ‘hadnt told him anything’…..
We desperately need boundaries and he refuses to set any with his dad. This is seriously putting a damper on our future (stress and tension). One of the things we totally stood by was no secrets, no keeping anything from eachother. But when I do tell him everything, it gets repeated and nothing is just between him and I.
Any advice on this issue???? Im at a loss on what to do…..