- 8 years ago
- Wedding: November 2010
So first I am going to formally introduce myself. I’ve been lurking here for over a year planning my wedding but I am super shy so I never posted. But I don’t have any friends I feel like I can talk to about this because most of them aren’t married or might tell Darling Husband. Plus I feel kind childish but I think it has to do with how I am explaining how I feel: which is pretty difficult for me because this is totally new for me. I have never been a “jealous” person and overall I have always been pretty secure (okay maybe even too secure in myself).
Since we got married my Mother-In-Law has called Darling Husband at least once a day. If he doesn’t answer the phone she will call multiple times and basically try to keep calling until he picks up. Even when he’s at work. (I know this because he works from home whenever he can to save money.) If she can’t get ahold of him she will call my cellphone (we do not have a home phone) and ask to talk to him. Every Sunday she or his sister who is currently living with him will call and beg him to go a movie with him. To make matters worse I am increasingly uncomfortable with his family because I feel like they don’t want to see me they want to see him and I am viewed as someone they *have* to see to see him. They want to go out to dinner with him at least once a week too. Another problem with all of this is we are having serious issues paying the bills right now. DH has enormous credit card debit just from being irresponsible and I have been trying to find a job for awhile but not successful yet. For the time being I am full time grad student and basically we do not have extra money to go out to eat, drive to work (45 mins away for him), or go to a movie (at least 10 miles away).
I don’t really understand because before even tho he lived at home he did not spend a lot of time with them. When we were dating he had no problem telling them he had something better to do if they did invite him out which was once a month at the most.
The problems haven’t just started either because really they started while we were planning the wedding. I tried to involve his family but they were pretty clear they didn’t want any part of it. They said multiple times they didn’t want to invite anyone and just to tell them what time and where to be and they would be there. Then a full two months after the invitations were ordered his mom added a bunch of people on the guest list (basically his aunts and uncles which I thought we should invite but he didn’t want to and his parents had been saying not necessary). After I made the additions and took some people off my GL his mom called the next day to say she basically didn’t like any of the women on that addition so not to invite them. Some of the people inquired on Facebook that they were trying to plan to come so I did not take them off and she had a huge fit about that. AFter talking to his sisters though who said that they invited these aunts to their weddings, I don’t feel bad about it. (maybe I should?) In the end Darling Husband felt really bad because he really only had 15 people show up to be “on his side” but he realized that he invited mostly friends which I told him the whole time probably won’t show because really that’s how it goes with weddings. (Especially friends you aren’t close to and when you have a Friday night wedding in the city which your friends don’t live in.) But my point with this story was that she doesn’t get along with any women in her family and doens’t seem to have a lot of friends (well any) really. So there is a lot of tension in the first place and it makes going out with them really exhausting.
I am starting to feel really upset though because all of his free time when I feel like we should be spending quality time together he spends with his sister or his parents. If I ask if we can do something he will play a computer game until the wee hours of the morning and then want to “cuddle” but if his mom wants to see him or something that’s worth getting off the computer. If his sister is depressed then she can come over and he’ll hang out with her but if I’m lonely then I feel like I’m on my own. To make matters worse when I try to tell him how I feel he starts yelling at me and says we spend plenty of time together because we just went to the grocery store. I don’t know what to do because we JUST got married. Is it too much to ask that we have some alone time to ourselves and actually spend time talking to each other? Will the rest of my life be like this? I don’t know what to do.
But I feel like how his mother is acting is not “normal” or healthy anyway. I am pretty close to my family too. They get together at least once a month Darling Husband and I go to some events and a lot of stuff we don’t. But especially the week after we got married they made sure to not call and stuff so we could have some space. They all (including his family) know we can’t afford a honeymoon but he had a week off of work so we planned on doing stuff together around town. Instead he was blowing me off to hang out with his family. (Same thing happened with the sister at our reception she danced with him more than I did. He only asked me to dance for our first dance.)
Maybe I’m just too emotional but I’m really hurt and I don’t know what to do. I’ve really never experience this and I feel like I’m crazy and clingy and stuff.