(Closed) Boundaries with MIL Issues

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Man, I’m sorry- this seems like a crazy situation! I don’t have advice, just want you to know I feel for you and you are not crazy- just surrounded by some crazy sounding people!

Post # 4
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My only advice is to talk to your Darling Husband. He seems like he’s not treating YOU like his “main” family and is still treating is mom/sister as his #1 family. His mother and sister seem to be working to maintain their family unit, instead of accepting that the two of you have your own unit now. 

If it were me, I wouldn’t approach Mother-In-Law about it, since honestly she’ll probably just fight back by taking more and more of his time. I would ask your Darling Husband to talk to her about his duty to you, his wife. Let them talk on the phone each day, but limit their “dates” to 1x/week. Perhaps you can ask them over to a weekly dinner at your place. That way, you don’t have to drive, your Darling Husband won’t leave, and you can get to know your MIL/SIL better. 

Good luck…. 

EDIT: wanted to say, you’re not crazy or clingy. He’s your husband, your his wife. You should be the #1 in his life right now and he needs to start thinking “we” instead of “me”. clearly, he needs his own life and his family too, but you’re not crazy. 

Post # 5
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I agree that you should talk to your husband about the whole Mom and sister issue. It does seem that he isn’t treating you like his main family and they aren’t including you into their family, which you are. I think that you should approach it delicately, sit down and have a conversation with him and don’t let him yell at you or make you feel badly because you aren’t being unreasonable.

One thing that really jumped out at me is that he said you spent time together going to the grocery store. Which it sounds like that isn’t exactly “together time” to you. This is something my Darling Husband would have said (and had at one point) to me, but just because you are “spending time together” doesn’t mean you have quality time together. What helped my husband and I a great deal was the book “The Five Languages of Love” by Gary Chapman which helped my hubby understand what I meant when I said I wanted to spend time together. It also helped us communicate better and fight less!

 

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