- 12 months ago
- Wedding: August 2018
My husband grew up with mostly his mom because his parents were divorced and his older brother moved out early. For as long as I remember, she has always enabled him as a way to keep him from truly growing up (telling him his ADHD was too bad for him to have a job, telling him not to wake up early for school because he needed REM sleep…) which always drove me crazy. When we were 18 and 19, we moved in together away from her and everything has been great ever since. The problem now is that she’s starting to be really demanding about spending time with us and wanting constant communication. She called the other day, and when my husband didn’t answer (we were out with friends) she sent him a long text and asked us if we were too busy having sex to call her (weird). She demands that we spend more time together and says that twice a month just isn’t enough for her even though she knows we work and I am in school full time. She even calls us at weird hours like in the middle of the night. My husband has also transitioned from two jobs recently, and every time he hasn’t immediately updated her, she has called him crying wondering why he doesn’t tell her anything. But once she knows what’s happening, she’ll spend the whole next day giving unsolicted advice, like one time when she told him he should find a new job that didn’t start so early in the morning because it was harming his “fragile brain.” He loves his job. On our honeymoon she demanded we send her pictures and let her know what we were doing every day, which we complied with because she paid for everything and we were grateful. Still though, I feel like we are always needing to “check in” even though we literally have whole careers and separate lives we are trying to live. When we try to set boundaries, she cries and guilt trips my husband. I feel like it’s very manipulative although I’m sure her intentions aren’t necessarily bad. How do we properly set boundaries without being jerks?