- 3 years ago
- Wedding: January 2015
Your Boyfriend or Best Friend sounds annoying AF but if that’s what you’re into… enjoy!
Your Boyfriend or Best Friend sounds annoying AF but if that’s what you’re into… enjoy!
Oh and yeah, this is written like some really bad erotica… “I feel a sensation”. “deflowered”.
L to the OL
Innerdonught : seconded. This whole thread sounds a little fake to me to be honest. You’re talking to normal people, I’m sure in normal conversation you don’t speak in such flowery romance novel tones (and if you do I feel sorry for those people you converse with BC frankly it’s too much lmao)
also there’s absolutely nothing wrong with living together before marriage, I highly recommend getting to know your SO on that level of intimiacy before proceeding. I know plenty of couples who have gotten engaged then gone out and bought houses together only to break up because living together wasn’t working out for them.
Sigh. If anything, frankly, I think I come across as more pedantic and transactional than anything. But you’re free to your opinion. If you want to assign “sensation” an erotic charge, that’s certainly your prerogative.
And, um, yes. Deflowered was very much intentional. It was purposely juxtaposed to the word fuck — aw, screw it. Educating you on the finer points of sarcasm is NOT the objective of this thread.
Enough derailment. Down to brass tacks.
I may may may MAY bend on LEASING a place together. There is still a legal instrument involved; but it’s not as convoluted as a mortgage and thus (perhaps?) more forgiving and ‘hem negotiable.
However. I would never never never never purchase real estate with a man that is not legally bound to me or beholden to the asset. I already have property; which is one of the reasons I agreed to a prenup when he brought up the idea (although I told him to slow his roll, because it would be to protect MY current assets, and not to appease him over his prospective ones. )
So, to buy a house with a man that is not my spouse, is insane. A second-home mortgage would already be a daunting factor; and the last thing I need is to have an issue erupt and a lein placed on my property…. that I bought for my mom. So. Buying a house together would NEED to be done married, so there is legal solvency. I would also need to do some fancy legal slight of hand to work around a second home mortgage without surrendering marital ownership of communal property (which, if jointly held would feel the impact) – perhaps a TPO arrangement or to shadow the asset by threading it carefully through the provisions of said prenup.
So, rental: maybe
(2nd) House: no
Pre-emptively: shadowing an asset is a real terminology, not flowery prose (because you know some idiot is going to harp on that)
bombasticbee : “I said: “… but, excuse me, do I know you, sir?” (voice most certainly raised, albeit very gamely).”
It is hard to believe you two are in your 30s. I am with @Innerdonught in that your Boyfriend or Best Friend sounds as annoying as fuck, and the fact you two can’t seem to talk like actual mature adults (all these silly language games and prose…even teenagers are not this bad) does not bode well for how you two are going to deal when shit gets real. You two sound like you are acting out roles in a play, not actually developing, you know, true intimacy. But good luck I suppose.
RayKay : yes. I did say “excuse me, sir” (to paraphrase) because it was too perfect a situation not to; and somebody up thread had accused me of never raising my voice in order to avoid disturbing human frailties or some such nonsense blah blah (not entirely sure where they got that assumption from) and so it was a barbed comment directed at them that, yes, I do indeed raise my voice.
But, again, enough needless derailment.
bombasticbee : I refrained from being blunt in my earlier posts because I didn’t want to be mean, I felt a little sorry for you TBH….because to be honest darling, you are a Wannabe. At first you came off as rather quaint and naive, but with each post you sound more and more supercilious and frankly ridiculous. I wasn’t even going to comment, initially, on the utter cringeworthiness of him ‘chirruping’ until you chose to retract the mannered* veneer enough to take the gloves off and go on the offensive.
Because you do sound intelligent, definitely educated, but in trying too hard to imitate the styles of literary greats, in being too self-conscious and affected in your writing, it comes off as awkward and pretentious and TBH, you are grasping above your reach with many of the words you don’t use quite correctly (it makes me think of Diane on Cheers)
*mannered- this does not mean ‘using manners’ just to clarify as you’ve misinterpreted this. Mannered = artificial, stilted, and over-elaborate in delivery.
bombasticbee : And, um, yes. Deflowered was very much intentional. It was purposely juxtaposed to the word fuck — aw, screw it. Educating you on the finer points of sarcasm is NOT the objective of this thread.
No. Your ~cutting wit~ is just dull af (that’s a plebian abbreviation for “as fuck.”) You’ve watched too much Moffat television and read too much of the same AO3 authors and it is informing your interactions more than it should.
For someone who thinks of herself as a competent writer you sure are tone-deaf when it comes to using language appropriate for the medium. You’re on an internet forum writing like you’re using an ostritch feather quill on vellum. It’s mealy-mouthed and long-winded and does not display the intelligence you think it does. It does matter because it is a hindrance, not an asset, in the context of an online advice forum. Try being concise and economic in your word choice instead of roleplaying some kind of Dickensian dowager. You’re not being paid per syllable here.
Back to the point (excuse me, objective) of this thread: I agree with other posters who disapprove of your boyfriend’s behavior. I think it’s creepy that he makes wild presumptions about your time–demanding every weekend of your life for the next two years is not realistic or reasonable, let alone romantic. A thirty year old man making a show of yanking a ring off your finger in public instead of having a simple conversation about engagement is not endearing.
I think he might be a cool novelty for you for a little while more but I can’t see how either of you will cope when shit stops being whimsical and you have to speak directly about a totalled car or a dying parent. You both seem more interested in keeping it cute and topical than sharing any kind of vulnerability. That’s fine for dating but it is a god awful foundation for a marriage. Good luck.
RayKay : THIS.
OP You are in actuality a terrible writer. I’ve been told by several people that my writing is good (I won’t say what they said because I’m not bragging) and I’ve been writing since I can remember, so take it from someone who knows what they are talking about to some degree, also as an avid reader: your writing literally makes my eyes glaze over and your wit isn’t wit but a lack of social graces, you sound like you have a theasarus in front of you trying to use bigger words to sound more intelligent when it only serves to make you sound pompous. Please do not ever try to take up a career in journalism or writing because you will starve to death.
This thread is entirely fake and I’d bet anyone here $20 bucks that you are a single wannabe without any prospects in sight, but I’m afraid no one will take me up on my bet.
Also do you even know what pedantic means? Because it legit makes no sense in the context you’ve used it.
Sooo, not quite so sure why you have gotten such a negative response from so many, but I will have to agree with previous posters that both the content and tone of your posts is a little smug and off-putting. Certainly unique.
But that aside I will say congratulations for having found a man and relationship that makes you happy and that you are excited about! He is obviously serious about you, but whether an engagement is really around the corner or a year + from now only he knows (but maybe something you could talk about if you want). Enjoy this part while it lasts. Your relationship timeline does not sound too fast or too slow to me – in fact it fairly closely mirrors the first year of my relationship. We decided that each other was “the one” about 6 months into our relationship and seriously started organizing our futures together within the year. Now we are about 3.5 years in and still not engaged. Started dating at 25 and have been in school, but just pointing out that he could propose tomorrow or two years from now and still be serious about your relationship and future.
Also while I was head over heels for him then, I have to admit now that I didn’t really KNOW him. At least not the way I do now. Our relationship then was wonderful and now is wonderful but so different. We have been through so much more together good and bad, accomplished so much, been tested individually and as a couple, and built a life together. I would have married him at year 1 but I feel so much more confident and secure in him and in us now. Alternatively, I have seen a lot of my friend’s relationships falter after the one year mark. The honeymoon period is a real thing and difficult to evaluate when you are in it — be happy and optimistic but just don’t underestimate that 🙂 Good luck!!