(Closed) Boycotting my ceremony but attending my reception?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: I would...
    Not invite them, period, despite the family drama it may cause. : (170 votes)
    47 %
    Invite them with the stipulation that they either attend both events or none at all. : (88 votes)
    24 %
    Invite them and say nothing. : (100 votes)
    28 %
    Other, explain in comments. : (5 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 121
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    You dont owe them anything just because they’re family. I wouldnt invite them at all. Why would I give free food to someone who doesn’t respect my marriage? 

    Post # 122
    Member
    252 posts
    Helper bee

    This looks like a religious difference, not them being rude. Just let them attend and thank them for their presence.

    Post # 123
    Member
    2424 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: NJ

    I was raised Catholic, and we were told not to enter any house of worship for any religion other than Catholic. They didn’t punch it up about the invalidity of any other religion. They did say the Catholic church is the one true church. Which is nonsense to me, to each his own. 

    Some Catholic churches may emphasize it more though. I daresay many Catholics go to weddings and other ceremonies in all kinds of churches. It is a personal choice. Not all Catholics believe it is the only real religion in the world, like we are taught.

    Post # 124
    Member
    371 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2020

    Personally I wouldnt invite them, they are being petty, rude and extremely disrespectful. just because they are staunchly religious does not obligate others to be the same. reception costs depending on venue 50-100 per person, why would you spend that on people who dont respect you and werent part of the wedding?

    Save your money you dont owe anyone anything.

    Post # 125
    Member
    43 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I was raised Catholic and never told I couldn’t enter the church of a different religion, nor that non Catholic weddings were invalid.

    I spent a good many years when I was young visiting Jewish Synagogues, Hindu Temples, and Muslim Mosques, as I had friends from many religions…and I’m an old lady lol.

    Never was I told that I couldn’t enter those buildings and I was raised by very strict Irish Catholic parents.

     

    It’s all very disrespectful and closed minded…I would not invite them. No religion bans members from entering other houses of worship. Maybe some leaders ban it out of fear their followers will convert?

    Post # 126
    Member
    57 posts
    Worker bee

    Just because someone’s rudeness is rooted in their “deeply held beliefs” doesnt mean they get a free pass to treat you badly. 

    Post # 127
    Member
    568 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    What did I miss?  If you are Catholic or non practicing Catholic why are you being married in a Jewish ceremony?  Is your groom Jewish?

    Post # 128
    Member
    1456 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    The reception is a celebration of the ceremony. If they can’t accept the ceremony, they shouldn’t be there to celebrate it.

    Post # 129
    Member
    125 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    Kind of the same situation… just not wedding related.

    Both of my kids were born out of wedlock, my uber religious cousin said in no uncertain terms “I don’t believe in pre-marital sex. And the product of that is unholy”

    I stopped inviting her to anything that involved my children. I got TONS of backlash from her and other family members about that. But there was no way I was going to have her there to celebrate my kids if she thought they and the situation was so abhorrant.

    So in your case, I’d uninvite them. Without regret. How can they celebrate something that they don’t agree with, or don’t see as valid.

    That sounds like they’re trying to play some rotten game… like “I don’t agree and I’ll prove that to you… but I still want toget a free family reunion.”

    It’s hard, because they’re family… but they’re supposed to be supporting you and your marriage. And if they can’t do that, then what’s the point?

    Post # 130
    Member
    198 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    Tons of helpful comments already, but here is my observation: I invited all of my extended family to all of our events out of a sense of family loyalty. I had one aunt respond nastily over my questionable engagement party invitations which said sh!t just got real. Overly nasty for the scope of the offense (words on paper =/= huge internet argument calling me disgusting). I invited them to the wedding anyway out of a sense of obligation to my grandmother more than anything. And I regretted it. For months. I do not care about these people anymore and they obviously don’t care about me if they let something like that come between our relationship. The week before the wedding, she threw her back out and could not attend. And I was SO relieved! That negative spot on my horizon cleared up and it felt great.

    So, moral of the story is, do you want these family members at your wedding? Do you love them as people and know that they love and support you and your SO? If so, invite them. If you don’t want to invite them because you don’t feel they meet this criteria, then it is your day to be surrounded by people you love. However, in terms of etiquette, who is paying for the wedding does matter in this. If your parents are helping, then you should ask them their opinion before causing possible family drama.

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