Post # 1
I left my high school mid-junior year and went to public school back home, where I made few friends and began to lose the ones I’d been close to for years. Fast forward through a bad relationship and then a pregnancy to me living in another state away from everyone I’ve ever known. Here, I met Mr. Perfect (in my eyes at least), and never really made any friends. He’s had a fairly large group of close friends for years and years, and was married and then divorced before meeting me. My idea of a perfect wedding is something that is JUST US. No family, no friends, no wasted money on a one-day party that could go towards something else. Just us, somewhere honeymoon-like, exchanging vows. He has different ideas… his first marriage was courthouse, they didn’t have the money for a real wedding, and though they planned on having one later on, they divorced before they got the chance. He wants the traditional wedding, church, groomsmen consisting of all his close friends, invite all the family and friends families, big reception, including lame DJ and rented hotel space for the party. Not only would that sound like a terrible idea to me if I did have tons of people to invite, but the fact is i dont. I quite literally have ONE friend that I am close with, and the rest of my contacts are simply aquantainces. I don’t want to pick out a dress, cake, or flowers, much less a venue, invitations, and bridesmaids dresses. Showers and bachlorette parties dont intrest me as well. Like I said, he’s ADAMANT. He’s said he doesn’t want to get married until I want to have a wedding!! How do I compromise with someone sooooo set on getting his way? This is so silly to let one stupid day get in the way of the rest of our lives! No offense to other wedding-bee ladies, but this is one reason why a wedding seems so stupid in our case!! It’s clearly distracting us from the whole point.
Post # 3
Could you compromise with a family only wedding? That way you don’t have to feel pressured to invite aquaintences you would be uncomfortable with but he still gets wedding?
Post # 4
I think if one person truly has his or her heart set on having a wedding in front of family and friends, and the other person does not want that, that the one who does not want it would do well to honor the one who wants it, as long as the wedding is affordable.
If it turns out that 99 percent of the guests are family and friends of your SO, that’s OK. You don’t need to separate guests into groups that sit on the bride’s and groom’s sides. You don’t have to have a bachelorette party. If a group of your SO’s family or friends would like to host a shower for you, I would graciously accept, even if they are not people with whom you are close.
This clearly is EXTREMELY important to your SO. I would not ask him to forgo having wedding when it obviously is so significant to him. It sounds as if your willingness to do this for him would be one of the biggest gifts you could offer to him.
Post # 5
You can have a really nice small scale wedding. It’s all in the details, not attendance.
Post # 6
@Brielle: honestly, i agree with you the more i think about it. we’re in the same boat, he and i, with opposite opinions. it’s the bridal party issue that worries me the most. it just makes me feel pathetic. we spend most of our time with each other and we’re happy with that, but yet he manages to have kept in touch with his friends for all these years he’s lived away from them. this issue combined with the fact that we may be moving back to his hometown (near all of them, where i will still have no friends) has just got me feeling down. I hope i’m able to suck it up and not be a bummer about a wedding… i’m not one to hold in my feelings, i can only do it for so long! :c
(on the practical side, it’s doubtful we’d have money for a decent honeymoon if we do have a wedding, meaning yet another vacation going away for only the weeked to a city within 2 hours and staying at the super 8…… ughhhhhhhhh! just had to get that out!)
Post # 7
@klindzee: You said you have one close friend and that the bridal party issue worries you… see if your SO is willing to compromise and have one best man and one maid of honor instead of a whole huge bridal party.
Post # 8
That’s so funny, my fiance is the COMPLETE opposite. He’s so laid-back (see: doesn’t give a crap) about everything. Mind you, I don’t want a big wedding anyway. I’m just glad he’s not busting my (figurative) balls about it all.
Post # 9
I have a slightly similar situation. Im having my wedding at a place where I have lost all my old friend connection (because I moved away). This is due to parents wanting to have it in the hometown. However, my wedding list just doubled in size because of the people my parents have to invite (being their hometown and where I grew up), which means, No intimate wedding for me, and HEAPS of people i barely know!
But im ok with it now… because I really thought about it, and realized, If i get to marry my partner, the other things shouldnt matter too much. That being said, try and find a compromise because I have when it was something REALLY important to me!!