Boyfriend and I Don't Like The Same Things…

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee

If you met a guy tomorrow who you knew you could trust & was a nice person equally attractive as your boyfriend who liked the same music as you and liked to talk- would you want to get to know him?

Post # 3
Member
3294 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

why not focus on what you love about him?

Post # 4
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

How long have y’all been together?

I ask because over time hobbies and tastes tend to merge for a lot of couples. My Fiance and I have way more overlap in music and tv shows now than we did when we first got together.

Also, he talks WAY more now. He used to be fairly quiet but now we can talk all night and he’s so emotionally transparent. We have grown together over time as we have become more in love and more comfortable with each other. 

Now, we are still individuals and he still watches stuff I hate and vice versa but we are able to share some hobbies together. And it is also good for us to retain our “me” time and individuality so it isn’t a bad thing at all that we don’t have the same exact tastes in everything. 

Post # 5
Member
219 posts
Helper bee

I think you might benefit from reading this book..

Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

it was a game changer for me.

Post # 6
Member
730 posts
Busy bee

This sounds somewhat similar to my husband and I. I am the extrovert, usually down for a good time, love socializing with people, definitely have more of a desire to go out and do stuff where my hubby (god love him) is more of a homebody, down for netflix and chill more often than I am and is usually more quiet in social settings…. not to the point that he doesn’t talk or people make fun of him about it… I am just definitely the more talkative one out of the two of us. I would be lying if I said I never wondered about what if before we got married in terms of being with someone more talkative. The more I thought about it I’m like wtf, I love so much more about my husband than how much he talks. And honestly I wouldn’t want to date someone like me… one of me is enough. My hubby gives me the space to be me. We balance eachother out, I get him out of the house more and he helps me find a balance. I wouldn’t worry about it unless it’s actually putting a strain on your relationship. 

 

ETA: I definitely don’t feel like I “settled” marrying a guy thats less talkative than I am. I hit the jackpot of a husband! I think opposites attract can be a thing… it just has to be the correct pairing. My husband always tells me how attracted he is/was to my optimistic attitude and talkativeness. He says life is never boring with me. Just the same way that I was attracted to his “strong but quiet” masculine side. To me and him, him liking Lord of the Rings and me not is definitely not a deal breaker. However, I HAVE gone to one of the movies with him because it’s what he wanted to do. Just like he’s gone to different things that I wanted to do that weren’t necessarily his scene!  

Post # 7
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2026

If there are too many what ifs, maybe he isn’t the one. And I disagree that being a talker is a guy trait. Neither my hubby nor I are talkers, but we get along fine. We also don’t have many common interests, but I still drag him along to things he isn’t crazy about. You have to decide what is important to you–someone you can go out with or someone you can come home to. Maybe there is a guy that has both, but apparently the guy you are with now is someone you can come home to.

Post # 8
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

I think you need to enjoy the things you enjoy by yourself (and with your friends.) 

My Fiance likes watching movies. I don’t. 

He’s a night owl, I’m an early bird. 

He watches his movies while I fall asleep next to him in bed. I get up early and have my “me” time. Win/win. 

We have some overlap in taste in music, but that’s why headphones were invented, y’know? Go enjoy your music, let him enjoy his – or quiet, whatever he prefers. 

The talkativeness difference can be a dealbreaker, I guess, but we’re both not too talkative, so I can’t really comment there. My exBFs were equally not-that-talkative. 

I think the most successful relationships aren’t necessarily those in which both people have a ton of stuff in common: it’s when both people agree on how much mutual time you need to spend together on the things you both like. You might both need to be joined at the hip, or both need tons of alone time. But I think it’s important that both people are on the same page here.

Good luck…

Post # 9
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

southernbellemiss :   maebae :  I agree….I didn’t settle and I’m so happy I didn’t. I think it sounds (as hard as this is to hear) he’s not the best fit for you 🙁 

Post # 10
Member
7751 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Each individual thing you list in itself wouldn’t be a big deal to me…it’s the combination of it all and the fact that you’re actively wondering “what if someone else would be better?” that has me kinda thinking you might be right that you’re settling here. I mean you’re never going to find a partner who is into all the same things you are.

For example, my husband is a classical musician, that is his profession, and music is his LIFE…he lives and breathes it. I like classical music ok and will go to his concerts but…I don’t share the passion, not on that same level anyway. Not even close. And that’s ok for us. At the same time, I am obsessed with Jane Austen and all kinds of shit that he will never in his life devote more than 2 seconds of time to…which is also ok.

But that works for us. I don’t find myself longing for someone that shares my passion for romantic literature lol…and he has told me on more than one occasion that he’s so glad I’m not a musician. I also got married in my 30s and never once thought “I wonder what else is out there?” – by the time I met my husband I had seen what else was out there and it was bleak! I knew meeting my husband was a miracle.

you don’t feel that way about your guy….and call me a romantic, but I kinda think you should. I dunno. It’s not just that he’s not excited about your music…that in itself wouldn’t be an issue for me…it’s all the other stuff, like how he barely speaks and you have more fun with his friends. IDK it all just sounds kinda like a downer to me. I think you should follow your gut on this one.

Post # 11
Member
7903 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t think you have to have the exact same interests as your partner. Sometimes it’s nice to have a hobby that’s your own. At the same time, it is nice for both of you to get to know at least some of the other person’s interests. Maybe you have to take the first step in being more engaged in his interests. 

As far as the talking, I find that in many couples one person is the talker and the other is less so. That’s ok. In fact, it would probably be more difficult if both people were talkers or if neither was. 

I feel like you’re overthinking it. Sharing goals and values is more important than sharing hobbies or personality traits. That said, if you are really doubting it, maybe this relationship just isn’t meant to be long term. 

Post # 12
Member
261 posts
Helper bee

It sounds like you’ve found a stable, dependable, loving, great guy but that you two don’t have that much in common. I have some of the same disconnects with my boyfriend, like I’m much more extroverted & he also like, literally does not understand or have an emotional reaction to music. Sometimes that makes me sad & I have had times where I’ve wondered if that was a problem, but honestly I just go hang out with my friends without him most of the time and come back feeling energized and happy to see him. He’s also a very steady, loving, good guy and I’m so glad to have him for those reasons, but I don’t think that would be enough to sustain our relationship. We also have very compatible senses of humor and make each other laugh all the time, and very similar professional & intellectual interests. We view the world in a lot of the same way & on a core level a lot of things about us are in sync. He may not be out on the town with me all the time, but we can talk & laugh forever & really have fun hanging out together. Maybe if you guys had one or two of the issues you describe then that would be fine, but it sounds like although he’s a great guy you’re not necessarily connecting with each other. If I were in your shoes, I don’t think I could be happy like that forever. 

Post # 13
Member
995 posts
Busy bee

You….are thinking about breaking up because he doesn’t like the same tv shows you do? I’m hoping that typing it out makes you realize how that sounds.

My guy and I have totally different tastes in tv shows and movies. This is “solved” by taking turns picking out movies. Sometimes I suffer through his picks, sometimes he suffers through mine. As for music, I’m like you in that I feel songs can “speak to my soul.” For my guy, it’s just nice music. He listens to the same 30 songs on repeat. Literally. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have deep feelings or thoughts. We just see art differently. As all people on earth do. 

For not talking enough, does he communicate with you well? Does he comfort you? Discuss things that are bothering him? Or are you just bothered that he’s simply not as outgoing as you?

I think you’re being quite unfair. These are incredibly trivial matters in the big scope of things. 

Post # 14
Member
9216 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

I am a triathlete, I love theater, and hiking. All things I am passionate about that my husband doesn’t enjoy.  So I swim, bike, run, hike, and have subscriptions to 2 local theaters with others friends. We have other things we enjoy together. 

Post # 15
Member
4258 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

If you are wondering if there is someone else, then he is probably not the best one for you.  My Darling Husband and I are very different.  He likes Dr Who and documentaries about war, and I like smutty reality tv cheesy murder mysteries.  He likes metal and I like Beyonce.  he also hates hanging out with others while I like to socialize a little.  But I never had any doubt I wanted to marry him and be with him forever.  Those are all small things.  The way he treats me and the man that he is are the things that matter most to me.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors