- 3 years ago
I’ll cut to the chase. My boyfriend and I are great. We are different, but for the most part, it’s for the best. We balance each other very well. I can be crazy and outgoing, and he can be calm and clear headed. I have a lot of anxiety and he’s great at being a solid calm comforter. We live together well, we’re considerate of each other, have fun together. You get the idea.
There are some really ridiculous things that bother me. Our taste in music and movies/tv are completely not in sync. We never agree on anything, and for the most part it doesn’t bother me, but there are times where I really want to share something funny with him or get him into a show I like, but he has zero interest… just like I have zero interest in his shows. Sometimes I feel like it would be nice to get into a show together. I mean, being home and shows are a lot of life these days. Music, is harder. Music is my soul… I love music and I’m obsessed with it and love going to shows and it’s just my language… and there is very little overlap of our tastes… and it really bothers me! There’s one band in particular that I am obsessed with, and some of our friends are obsessed with, and we were texting about it and my boyfriend made some joke about how he’ll be waiting for us at home and it kinda broke my heart. I just HATE that he isn’t affected by music the way I am and that we can’t share it. There are some bands that we both like… but music doesn’t speak to him like it does to me.
Lastly, and maybe this one is a little more serious, but he doesn’t talk much. He just… isn’t a talker, which is more of a guy trait, but he goes above that. I am talkative and like to talk and joke and debate… and he just hardly talks at all. Sometimes when we’re in big groups of friends, I find myself having more fun with his friends who are talking and will debate and who engage me that way. My boyfriend still has a good time, and it’s a known trait about him that his friends make fun of him for and honestly it’s also one of the things that I find endearing about him. But sometimes, I struggle with it.
I’ve done the research. I know that no one is perfect, and that some things are dealbreakers, and other things aren’t. I am in my 30s. If I remain this picky I will end up single forever, and I really want kids. I thought this was who I was going to spend the rest of my life with. But sometimes, like now, there is this indecision and it kills me. I say indecision because I find myself wondering – is there someone else? Could I take a chance and find someone who is just like him but… talkative? Likes my music? My tv shows? I keep wondering if I should be holding out for someone talkative. Or… can I live the rest of my life with my boyfriend being not talkative? Not liking my music? I know everyone has things they may want to change about their partner, so I don’t want to jump the gun and make a decision that I will totally regret. I just worry I’m looking at something being way too picky and unrealistic and throw away a great thing.
I’m that person who sees the worst in everything… when I look in the future, I’m terrified that I will be miserable because we don’t like the same music… instead of so happy and that I stayed with someone who loves me, and is calm and composed and attentive and fair and helps around the house and will be a great father. (And I don’t say this as though I’m convincing myself of his good qualities and am not attracted to him… we have a great sex life and I’m attracted to so much about him).
I just don’t know. I’m just sick of wondering about this.