Boyfriend and I Don't Like The Same Things…

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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southernbellemiss :  You sound young. And honestly, these problems sound trivial.

If these small things bother you this much, how are you guys supposed to get through actual challenges later in life?

Post # 47
Member
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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futuremrsdaniellebell :  this is us exactly.  My husband was so unbelievably quiet but he talks way more even to my friends whereas as he used to be very quiet. We are both fairly introvert and he’s 100% an observer and analyzes everything before he joins in. We didn’t have completely the same taste in music and that changed big time. He did not listen to country at all and I LOVE country. He now knows damn near every country song I know and loves the music now. To OP, I think it can change with time or people just like what they like and maybe it won’t change. Time can make a huge difference if you TRY to get n’sync with your partner.  Part of it may be unwillingness to try which isnt a good foundation for long term. 

Post # 48
Member
1307 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Iʻd be cautious and try to find tastes in common. This was a huge issue in my past marriage and why my fiance ended things with his ex after 6 years. Itʻs fun to be “opposites attract” but it takes a lot more work In My Humble Opinion because the little thigns snowball and add up; especially if these things become disagreements. So one of you is gonna have to be REALLY patient and the youʻre both going to have to try REALLY hard not to build separate lives away from each other that are stronger than your bond with each other. Together, my fiance and I have about 99% of the same taste in things and find joy in the same things so nothing is ever a disagreement and I gotta say itʻs WONDERFUL because both my fiance and mine past relationships ended up living in separate worlds because we shared nothing in common with the other. Its going to take work. 

Post # 49
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

If the only thing you have to complain about is the fact that you don’t share all common interests, consider yourself very lucky! Is he trustworthy? Do you enjoy talking with him? Do you have the same values and goals? Does he allow you to be yourself at all times? Does he encourage you? Is he PROUD of you? Those are the things that matter. 

 

Post # 50
Member
3836 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

The TV and music is only as big a deal as you choose to make it. And choosing to make it a big deal is a bit silly. I love to sing, my husband can’t hold a tune. He plays soccer, I hate team sports. Would it be nice to be able to sing with him? Of course. But I’m not going to dwell on it if I can’t. I go off to my choir practice and he goes to his soccer practice and we support each other at important matches or concerts. We do share other passions like hiking and camping so we have plenty to do together. Do you have any shared interests? You can like separate things as long as you do have quality time together. 

The talking is potentially more serious. Is he just a little quiet or do you feel starved of quality conversation and interaction? 

Post # 51
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

I get what you’re saying, and no you don’t need therapy. I just think you’re bored. 

My bf is the same exact way to the T, and I can honestly say that I get really frustrated with how boring our relationship can be. We have fun times together but its frustrating when you’re so excited about something and the one person who you want to share that with let you down. 

People ask if you have friends that you can enjoy that with,  but what about when you guys have kids and not much time for other friends. Then what? 

So I get it when you say you question you’re relationship because I don’t know anybody who wants to enjoy the best parts of life alone even though they’re with somebody. 

Post # 52
Member
925 posts
Busy bee

Don’t let your age and the fact that you want to start a family influence how this relationship progresses. Kids grow and go and you’re left with your spouse. Kids deserve to be brought into a wonderful, loving environment. Don’t be selfish in that sense. 

TV and music interests are trivial, but his quietness could be a problem. Do you feel lonely around him? Do you have more fun without him than with him? Do you miss him when he’s gone? 

Post # 53
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

The thing is, different tastes in music or talking vs. not talking aren’t issues in themselves. The only issue however is you thinking ”What if there’s someone better out there?” Because if that’s what you’re thinking, then there probably is. Not someone better per se, but someone more suited to you. It’s never crossed my mind to ask myself if there could be anyone better for me than my husband. Because I know there couldn’t be. He’s very introverted and not talkative, we share some interests but not others.. but he ticks all my boxes. I never needed someone I could party with or share my love of silly TV shows with. I have other priorities for a husband.. like the fact that he can cook and that he likes cooking 😛 (that was always a vital thing for me in a relationship cos I like good food and I hate cooking). But if I was with a guy that couldn’t cook and wanted to break up with him for that reason, everyone would tell me I was being crazy and that was a trivial concern.

But the thing is, you need a relationship that’s right for YOU. If music is vital for you, maybe your partner isn’t right for you. I can’t answer that question for you. But what I DO think you should do is have a very serious think about what you absolutely need in a man – what are your non-negotiable qualities, no matter how big or small, and ask yourself if your partner ticks those boxes. If he doesn’t, don’t waste anymore of your time.

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