- 8 years ago
I need some advice on what do, since my boyfriend and I have different marriage timelines and I am so frustrated he hasnt proposed.
We are young I am 23 and he is 24. He has a financially successful career and I am in school still. I will be done with grad school in 2years. We are high school sweethearts and have been together for almost 8years now. We both know we want to spend our lives together…
A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with endometriosis. Since then I have come up with a timeline of when I would like to be married and plan for a family. I would like to be 25when I get married in July on our anniversary right after I finish grad school. Which means I would like to be engaged at least a year in advance for planning.
Anyways…my SO doesnt seem to understand my timeline he just cant seem to understand that I might not be able to have children once I am in my 30s. He always says we should just try later and if that doesnt work adopt. His parents got married at 35 and then had four kids, he is the youngest and his mom had him at 43. He always says his parents got married late and his mom was able to have kids in her 40s…etc He would like to get married in early 30s and then try for kids. His parents are against people getting married before 30 so I understand his hesitation but obviously we are commited to eachother after almost 8years together.
Its so hard for me becasue I am terrified I wont be able to have children later and I really want to enjoy a year of marriage before worrying about having children. I cant help feeling jealous when all my friends have been getting married, 3 last summer and 4 this summer. My best friend just got married to a guy she has been with for less than a year. I always get asked when we are getting married and its starting to make me angry becasue I feel so hurt were not even engaged yet. I never thought I would see the day when my dad would ask me when I would be getting married and that day has come. I hate feeling jealous at my friends wedding events and they all talk wedding and show off their rings and I have nothing to say but get asked when my day will come
This is where I get really mad…
The other night we were drinking margaritas and we started talking marriage and I went back over my timeline…The next day we talked about it again and it was like he hadn’t heard me at all. He tried to convince me I said I wanted to be married at 29 and him at 30 and immediatly try to have kids. Yes I had a couple margaritas the night before but I remember everything I said and I have been firm on my timeline for months.
This whole marriage/engagement subject is becoming so tiresome and depressing. I hate feeling this way and it makes me so angry. I dont want to feel jealous and bitter of my friends who are planning their weddings. Sometimes I think if it does happen in years from now after timeline I will be so fed up from waiting Ill say NOOOO and a few choice words (not really, just when I am angry I think it sometimes)
Our 8yr anniversary is coming next week and rather than being excited and happy I feel like its just another reminder that we have been together a long time and still no ring. In August we are going on a vacation together and even though my timeline is in a year for a ring 2years for marriage Im seriously considering giving up on marrying him all together if there is no ring after our vacation (prob not). When we were teenagers he always said he would propose on a vacation, but that was years ago. This is the last vacation im planning on having for the nxt couple years until I am done with grad school. Honestly I cant see him doing it on our vacation but I cant help hoping he does.
idk what to do, I dont want to feel this way about getting married. I dont want to feel like he might only propose to me bc of the timeline and like I forced him into it. I just hate being jealous, hurt, angry, and depressed over when we will get married.