(Closed) Boyfriend and I invited to his ex girlfriend's wedding

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
3607 posts
Sugar bee

I think the situation is weird because if your bf and his ex-gf were truly a broken-up couple who stayed friends after the fact, why wouldn’t you have met her yet? Not saying there is anything fishy going on on your boyfriend’s end because there is nothing in your post to suggest that, but what exactly is going on here? I’m sure she is just being kind and conciliatory but still… mad awkward. I wouldn’t be going and would maybe send a card saying congratulations and not much else.

Post # 48
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I dont see what the big deal is at all maybe she invited him out of respect and wanted to stay on good terms. I would go and just make the best of it 

Post # 49
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You’re overcomplicating this. If you two decide to attend, send the RSVP saying you’ll be there. Pick out a nice card, wish her well, and bring a nice gift. During the reception, smile, tell her she looks lovely, and what a beautiful ceremony it was.

 If you decide not to go, send the decline,  pick out a nice card, say that you wish you could be there, and you send your best, and send a nice gift. Done!

Post # 50
309 posts
Helper bee

I find this somewhat humorous. Almost everyone here is saying OP shouldn’t have received an invite yet 99% of the comments/posts on this site say that if someone is in a serious relationship the SO gets a +1, so the bride did right here. Maybe the bride knows OP’s name, but was just confirming the spelling as to not make an error. Why must there be something sinister going on.

If you want to go, go, If not, decline. It’s that easy.

Post # 51
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think she just really wants your SO to be there and there’s nothing weird about it. It sounds like she’s trying to be respectful by finding out your name and addressing you specifically. 

Post # 52
85 posts
Worker bee

Some of the posts on here really hold a grudge. Unless there was a nasty or strange break up (like he moved on while she kept stalking him– or one of them cheated and it exploded) I would just go! Weddings are tons of fun. I would go to my ex-boyfriend’s wedding (well, one of them. The one that cheated I would not, for obvious reasons) and would love to see him so happy with his special someone! I’m sure your boyfriend feels the same way and nothing beyond that. Clearly both of them moved on. In terms of a message, I would just send a quick thank you. Maybe something like this: “Hi ____, Congratulations on your engagement, and thank you for inviting me along with (bf’s name) to your special day! We can’t wait to celebrate with you.    -(your name)” 

Something friendly and casual. You have nothing to hold against her from the sounds of it, and it was really kind of her to reserve a spot for you on her guest list. 

Post # 53
1206 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

You are way overthinking this. If you’re going to go there’s no need to reach out. I invited people’s SO’s by name because that’s the polite thing to do, a +1 is for a single guest not someone in a relationship. That doesn’t mean I wanted them to reach out before the wedding and honestly I probably would have been would have been weirded out by that.

You were invited because your BF was invited and it’s the polite thing to do to put a person’s name on the invite. If you’re decided on going, just go, say congrats, and have a good time.

Post # 54
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i have no idea why people give their opinion on something that wasn’t asked…but i agree with previous posters…no need to reach out beforehand…just go to the wedding, support your boyfriend, be gracious, and have a good time. 🙂


  • This reply was modified 4 years, 12 months ago by  SpiderMum.
Post # 56
3534 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Do they keep in touch???  This is weird to me that she invited you guys to the wedding if they aren’t still friends. It’s almost like she’s trying to “win the breakup”…

Anyways, I wouldnt reach out. 

Post # 57
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
csteed:  I don’t think there’s any need for you to break the ice beforehand. As awkward as it may seem to you, on the big day, she is not gonna be focused on if she’s met guests’ significant others previously. She’s probably going to politely chat with ya’ll for a minute, and thank you for coming. Just dress pretty, be super polite, and enjoy the food and fun with your SO. If you feel like you HAVE to say something though, just write on the response card, “Looking forward to celebrating with you! Thanks so much for including us! Penguin and Mr. Penguin.” Keep it super duper simple…short and sweet.

Post # 58
7471 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Not knowing anything about your BF’s relationship with this girl, or how it ended, there is such a stigma about breakups that isn’t always correct. I wouldn’t call it “strange” right off the bad. There are some people who split just because they aren’t right for each other, not because there was some dramatic even that caused it. I’ve got some ex’s from before my DH and I literally knew for years (grew up together) and wouldn’t think twice about hanging out with them. In fact one lives abroad, in a place where my DH goes quite often for work. They’ve seen each other on multiple occasions and even hung out – it’s never a big deal.

A simple, “you look so beautiful, thank you for inviting us” will be sufficient. 

Post # 59
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

People on the bee are very cagey about exes, I find. I don’t think this is weird or awkward at all. She invited you by name because you’re her friend’s partner, and that’s what you’re supposed to do. If you feel too weird about the invitation, tell your bf and you can both stay home, but I think you sending her a Facebook message would be weirder. It’s really not that unusual to attend a wedding of someone you don’t know as a date. You’ll probably talk to her for about 30 seconds at the wedding; your bf will introduce you, you can congratulate her, and she’ll thank you for coming. No biggie.

Post # 60
299 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s nice that everyone is on good terms and you all sound very mature.

However, I would not send the FB message for a few logistical reasons. If you are not already friends, it will probably go to her “Other” folder and she would never even see it anyway because nobody checks those. If you are friends and she sees it, then she will feel obligated to respond and then you’re in one of those awkward message exchanges where someone has to be the one to stop responding or put an end to the conversation.

I like the idea a PP mentioned above of a note on the RSVP card if you want to be polite and friendly, which I think is nice. I would write something like “We are so excited to celebrate your big day! -yourname and SO.” I’m sure she will tell by the handwriting you wrote it and that gets the picture across that there are no hard feelings and positive vibes all around, without making her feel any obligation to continue a potentially awkward, even if it is friendly, conversation with you.

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