(Closed) boyfriend and potential husband rivalry

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@AnneJames:  First of all, sorry this is difficult for you being stuck in middle. Secondly, why did your boyfriend jump in defending you against “your dad”, he should’ve kept his mouth shut and be respectful. Your dad is your dad and is free to say or have opinion wether your boyfriend approves or not. If your dad tells you that you both are not compatible it’s for a reason. I would never be able to marry my husband if one of my parents, mom or dad dissaproved. Good Luck.

Post # 5
18 posts

[comment moderated for trolling]

Post # 7
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@edwinia:  100% agree.  Your dad is wrong here, and you should absolutely not break things off with someone you love because your dad does not approve.

He sounds violent and mean, your boyfriend was right in defending you.  I would not be with someone who stood by and watched me being shoved and sworn at.  You should be proud that your bf had the balls to stick up for you,  That’s a good man right there.

Post # 8
12257 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m thinking it might be a good thing your Dad doesn’t like your BF!

Maybe it means your BF will never wind up shoving you around like your Dad does…

Post # 9
230 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think any boyfriend should have to defend his girlfriend from her father. That sounds horrible 🙁 So thankfully you have a great guy that would stick up for you, hopefully in any situation 🙂

@SamanthaLovesJames:  I get what you’re saying but you should have probably asked what the defending was about first. Even if it wasn’t a shove, if my Dad had a foul opinion that he voiced about me I hope that my SO would stick up for me.

@AnneJames:  If you love your boyfriend and he’s a good guy it doesn’t matter what a couple of your family members think about them. Not everyone gets along and not everyone will like each other. It sounds like your SO is courteous and that would have taken a lot to apologize to your father after protecting you like that. Now if your whole family and your friends all didn’t like him that’d be a red flag. But if it’s just from the situation that you described he’s probably a keeper.

Post # 10
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@ChelsBea:  I just can’t picture  my dad or anyone’s dad insulting their daughter to the point of boyfriend defending. I guess things are different. Best Wishes.

Post # 11
230 posts
Helper bee

@SamanthaLovesJames:  Me neither! I’m with you there. If my boyfriend spoke up to my dad for instance I probably would have rather him have kept his mouth shut.

Post # 12
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Your boyfriend sounds like a great guy for defending you, your dad sounds like an abusive jerk. Sorry to be blunt, but no man should ever be drunkenly shoving and cursing at a woman. That’s abusive.

Obviously my answer is that you should ignore your father’s opinions and stay with your boyfriend.

Post # 13
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@AnneJames:  The fact that you’re even considering leaving your boyfriend over this is the big ticket item in the cart.  What’s going on to make you think that’s a valid option?

I can’t psychoanalyze you over a message board, but growing up around abusive parents often produces children who seek out abusive relationships.  Not always of course, but there’s a correlation.  I recommend therapy.

Post # 14
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@jennmariee:  Agreed.

If you’re mature and independent enough to get married, you should be able to make your own decisions free from your parents’ influence. Especially getting rid of parents who are abusive. 

Post # 15
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Big decision that shouldn’t really be made based on Internet stranger opinions. But, my “two cents” is to stay with the boyfriend. 🙂

Post # 16
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@AnneJames:  What your dad did in that instance was abusive and extremely disrespectful. If that is normal behavior for him, he is not going to want you in a long term, serious relationship with someone who keeps him accountable in any way. Men like that do not want to be told how to treat their children (or spouses) or how to live their lives. I’m so sorry that you are in this situation. Do not let your father push you away from someone you truly love. Just make sure that this is a healthy relationship.

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