(Closed) boyfriend at church too much

posted 6 years ago in Catholic
Post # 4
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@sesame:  I reccommend premarital counseling. If he has the desire to volunteer and you don’t, this could be a problem in the long run.

Post # 5
Member
585 posts
Busy bee

Sounds like an unhealthy obsession and he’s not taking care of the other areas of his life. obsessions are emotional addictions that feed on some need or imagined need. Talk to him about what he thinks this excessive church involvement is giving him, and find a real and healthy way to address that need instead.

Post # 6
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Not sure that I’d agree it’s obsessive.  But I think counseling could help you two come to a middle ground. Maybe he cuts down the time and you volunteer for one thing with him, so you’re not apart so much.  There’d need to be compromise on both parts or it won’t work well.

Post # 7
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Okay I might get flamed for going there with so little information… But could he be seeing someone? Either at the church, or maybe he’s not where he says he is? Even if it’s emotionally or otherwise (or if there’s nothing there at all and it really is just committees and volunteering), it’s not healthy for him to devote so much of his time into something while missing work and making you upset as well.

Post # 8
Member
1716 posts
Bumble bee

Whatever it is if he is interrupting and affecting his daily life to do it, thats an addiction/obsession. 

Post # 9
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

Missing work to volunteer at church?  I can’t even imagine.

Has he been doing the exact same thing for a year or is the time commitment getting more substantial?  How does he explain things at work?

Post # 10
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think you automatically need counseling, but I think you and your boyfriend need to discuss how he can continue volunteering and still have a healthy balance of work, home and church.  If he’s missing work to volunteer, that’s not good; not only does that take money (or vacation hours) out of his pocket, but it threatens his job security.  I would try to work out a time budget where he allocates a certain time each week to volunteer, and a certain amount to do “relationship things.”

Post # 11
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t mean regular couples counseling. I mean premartial counseling. I honestly feel it is a good idea for everyone getting married to do premarital counseling, no matter how long you’ve been together. It could help with this issue as well as any others. ๐Ÿ™‚

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