Post # 1
My boyfriend bought a house. He’s absolutely over the moon and immediately asked me to move in with him. We’ve been in quaratine together in a tiny 1 bedroom apartment for the last 10-11 weeks so we have a fairly decent idea of what cohabitation would be like. I said yes. We’ve had pretty open conversations and feel this relationship is heading for marriage. We are in our mid-thirties and have been dating a short 6 months, but it’s been easy and we feel pretty great about it. For me to head back to my apartment after he gets possession would be a step backwards.
I know, it’s soon, but our friends and parents are ecstatic and supportive about the decision. I gave my notice last night.
He suggested we split everything. However, we are in different situations. I’m a full time student with 3 casual jobs (pre-COVID, now I have one). My parents help me out a lot during this time. He thinks the monthly mortgage will be around $800-$1000 each. I’m currently in an apartment that asks $1600 (my city is impossible to live in alone). So I’m a little conflicted in that we are not married but I’d be contributing to home equity. However, it is much more affordable for me to do this. My suggestion was to just write up a contract and call it rent, so in worst case scenario (easier to talk about this now when we feel secure and happy and clear headed), there’s no confusion. If he wants to put this towards the mortgage, great.
Does this plan make sense? I think some would argue he should pay more because it’s his house, and he has a well paying career. But I do not want to live there without paying rent, that doesn’t sit right either, especially in this expensive city. My concern is if I say, hey, let’s do a 60/40 split, he’ll be rightly thinking, “But you stayed in a much more expensive place until this option came along…” $800-$1000 in that gorgeous house would be a pretty great deal, looking strictly at numbers. If I were to go out with that budget now, I’d maybe get a tiny basement apartment with no windows.
My parents feel the 50/50 is fine. I just want to do whatever is fair, and this is totally new territory. What worked for you?
Post # 2
That’s tricky because normally I do think it would be more fair to contribute on a percentage amount based on income ratio but I do see the point of well why should you pay less when you were actually paying more in rent previously. Honestly you probably don’t want to hear this but I think you should not move in at all. 6 months is too soon IMO and exactly because of some of th reasons you’ve mentioned. Moving in requires some type of co-mingling of money and I think it’s too soon for that.
Post # 3
I’m not a fan of moving in so soon in the relationship. And if the relationship was headed for marriage in the near future, the house should have been purchased together rather in a unilateral way in my opinion.
This is a no for me. It’s not the economical choice, but I would keep renting in my expensive apartment (as long as I could afford it) and continue being his girlfriend until I’m fiance / wife status.
Post # 4
I hear you, and I understand your perspective. I think if life were moving along pre-pandemic this wouldn’t be happening as we wouldn’t have been living together in such an intense way (1 bedroom apartment, both at home 24/7). COVID changed a few things. It is soon, for sure. But neither of us want to live apart, now that we’ve been doing so, and happily. I think we just need to be super clear about the financial part to minimize issues surrounding money is all.
Post # 5
It’s his house and until you are married I don’t think you should pay anything. Calling it rent makes you a roommate, IMO. If you want to contribute towards utilities that’s one thing. I highly recommend not calling it rent. As for income, it’s a difficult time for everyone financially but if he’s more secure in money he needs to take the bulk of it. Again, my opinion.
Post # 6
Then a simple lease agreement should cover that. I would pay 50/50 to keep things simple. BUT, if you’re both moving toward married like he’s claiming, I wouldn’t pay a dime. I’d comingle our finances and pay the mortgage out of our joint bank account. But, that’s me.
Post # 7
Married only 1 year and both of us are in our 30’s. I think that dating in your 30’s is MUCH different than dating in your 20’s. In your 30’s you know what is important to you and you know where you are willing to compromise. It is much easier for a relationship to grow and move faster when you are in your 30’s. OK. Now to get back to your topic. I like the idea of having a contract drawn up. That way if things don’t work then you can’t go back and ask for half the house (protecting him) and he can’t go after you asking for the next month’s rent (protecting you). Then if/when married you both are invested in the house and can later have your name added to the deed. I would also put a stipulation in there that if married and then divorced, half of the house is yours… I mean since you are already drawing up a contract it might not hurt to add.
Post # 8
I’d pay fair market value rent for your portion of the house OR split 50/50 – whichever is less. I bought a house when my now-husband and I were dating he paid me a set amount each month but it wasn’t half the mortgage. Now we’re married and have fully joint finances so it’s pretty moot (even though I’m technically still the sole owner on the property).
You’re always contributing to someone else’s equity if you rent whether the landlord is stranger or a romantic partner. Leave that part out of it – sleeping with the landlord doesn’t entitle you to equity, but I also don’t think in a romantic partner should be making a profit on their “tenant” either.
ETA: discuss how you will classify your rent. In my state tenants can deduct part of their rent on their state income taxes. My husband didn’t do that because then I would have had to report his rent as income. We were engaged by that point so we chose to do what was best for the unit rather than individually.
Post # 9
Question: You are a FT student who recently went from 3 jobs to 1. Can you still afford to split rent with him?
Also, have you discussed what would happen if you were to lose your job while living with him? Would he cover your portion of the rent to help you out? Or would he tell you to just figure it out? While chances are you won’t lose your job, I would definitely get his reaction to that question before moving in. His answer could be quite telling…I have read some posts on here where the SO knew their partner was struggling financially and refused to help them out so I’d hate for that to happen to you
I also don’t recommend moving in so quickly but you are in your thirties and things can move quickly. However, I fear that you may not know each other well enough at this point. At the very least, I would discuss the worst case scenario with him and see what his response is before you move in. You don’t want any surprises
Post # 10
When my ex lived in my apartment, he paid the utilities and groceries. It still didn’t come out even, but I didn’t want an issues if I had to kick him out (and I did…).
sounds similar to what you are doing, but instead of just giving him cash, why don’t you offer to make the electric payments, pick up the groceries, etc.
Post # 11
I think you should contribute something, maybe a little less than you were previously paying in rent as well as partial utilities. Did the two of you have a conversation before he purchased the home? What is going to happen if/when you get married? Is he going to put your name on the deed, or will it still be in his name only? What happens when he needs to purchase things for the home, such as a lawn mower, or window treatments? Will you have a say-so in the window treatments? Being in your mid 30’s, and possibly heading towards marriage, just make sure that you know when you might get married, and if you will have any say-so with regards to household decisions.
Post # 12
I had this exact situation with my now-husband. I was living in a condo I had purchased before I met him. I also made a lot more money at the time. He moved in and paid 50% of my mortgage. We never drew up a lease. The 50% amount was way below market value, and less than he was previously paying, so to us the split seemed fair and benefitting to us both. We are married now. The condo is now a rental. I use the profits to pay more toward the mortgage on our primary home (though our finances are pretty mixed).
How do you feel about it?
Post # 13
I think moving in together at 6 months is fine. Every relationship has its own timeline. I would pay rent to him based on the ratio of your income and I would check out what the commercial rent is on a house like that in the area to check you’re not overpaying.
Post # 14
I agree with the suggestion to pay half of the mortgage and construct an agreement in writing. It’s early, but if you’re ready to live together you’re ready to have a serious conversation about the future. Then put the extra $600 per month in savings.
One final note: it’s not 50-50: He has equity invested in the form of a downpayment. Back of the envelope, given the monthly mortgage payment and a 30 year mortgage, a 20% downpayment would be about $100K. Assuming a market equity return of ~8%/year yields about 8000/year in opportunity cost. So if you were indeed splitting living costs equally you should be paying more than half of the mortgage.
Post # 15
Is $800-$1,000 what you pay now sharing a one bedroom apartment? If so, I think that is pretty fair. You’re getting more space, and even if you break up, you’re not out anything you wouldn’t be out just renting on your own.