(Closed) boyfriend bought up wedding stuff! please read!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m kind of confused, he keeps saying that you might not get engaged and how he doesnt want to participate in the wedding stuff, not just yours just in general and then he says things about how your wedding will be? It’s confusing.

Post # 5
Member
3688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

The spelling/grammar/formatting in this post is really hard to read and understand, but since this is the third thread in the past week that you’ve started with essentially the same question, I feel like I understand a little more of the back story.

We can’t tell you if he’s planning to propose, we have no idea. However, as other posters brought up on your previous threads, usually when a man says that he never wants to get married, he means it. You need to sit down and have a serious, mature, adult conversation with your boyfriend and find out from him what he’s thinking. If you can’t do that, you’re not ready to be married to him.

Post # 6
Member
2934 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Wait, he’s saying WHO can’t come to your wedding? Your mom? Or your mom’s friend?

This whole thing sounds like a nightmare to me. He keeps talking about how “your” wedding will be, then saying that maybe he’ll never marry you anyway? So why does he care about who his best man is or if the dog is there or if there are speeches or not? It sounds to me like he needs some therapy (or you both need couples therapy) to see where your relationship is headed. He is giving you so many mixed messages and that’s not cool.

Post # 7
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree completely. @cmbr:  

We don’t know if your bf is going to propose soon… Only he knows that.

YOU need to sit down with him and have an actual conversation about this. Your future together shouldn’t be a question, there comes a point wheree everyone in the relationship needs to be on the same page about where it’s a heading.. Or else, what’s the point?

 

Post # 10
Member
3688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@xoxlovemeforeverxox:  Even though we have no idea what your boyfriend is thinking, if I had to speculate I’d say, no, he’s not getting ready to propose. It sounds like he’s giving you the run around. You say that you’ve talked, but you don’t seem to be asking the right questions. You need to ask him if he wants to get married in the future and what the timeline might be for the two of you getting engaged.

You may offhandedly be talking about “when we get married” or “at our wedding,” but I don’t think you have actually sat him down and said, “listen, I love you. I want to marry you. Do you want to marry me? Can we make plans to eventually become engaged?” From what you’ve told us, you dance around the subject and take these little things he says as “clues” that he’s planning to propose. Until you actually talk to him about it, you’re not going to know what’s going through his head.

Post # 13
Member
20 posts
Newbee

@xoxlovemeforeverxox:  Wow, saying you don’t deserve a ring if you bring it up too much is really messed up. I’m sorry to say that it sounds like he is jerking you around and leading you on to avoid any real commitment. Like others have said, you need to have a serious conversation with him…and if that makes him think you don’t “deserve” a ring, is that really the kind of person you want to be with anyway?

Post # 14
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think if he’s planning a proposal, he wouldn’t say “if.”

If my SO started saying “if we get married” I would flip. He hasn’t said any “if” statements……ever

Next time he said “if” I’d tell him flat out that “if” doesn’t fly with you. Maybe “when,” but not “if.”

IF he’s not sure after 3 years and keeps saying that, I’d walk

Post # 16
Member
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@xoxlovemeforeverxox:  it sounds like he wants marriage at some point in the future, but he sounds too immature to want it in the near future.  Definitely don’t have kids without being married either!

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