- 3 months ago
My BF and I (me-39, him-38) have been together about six and a half months, and our entire relationship has been great, but my personal life has been full of so much stress, and the way it is affecting me is affecting us to the point of where he isn’t sure if he wants to stay with me. About 3 months before we met, I was laid off of my great job and had to move out of my great apartment due to downsizing our company. I took a job 1000 miles away that turned out to be a horrible decision, and after four and a half months, I ended up walking out of it with nothing else lined up (I had been looking for other jobs for 2 months and getting nowhere, and it was a toxic environment with an evil manager. She gave me actual panic attacks.) My BF and I had been together for only 2 months at that time, but he was great. When we first got together, we were very point blank about what we wanted in a relationship, someone to be our rock and grow old together and someone that wouldn’t leave when times got hard. We were both very clear about that to each other. He was great through my transition when I was unemployed for about a month. Very much my cheerleader, very positive and loving. Honestly, he has been the only thing that has made me want to stay here and not move back to my home state, because I don’t really care for it here, but I made the committment and spent the money to move, so here I stay.
Anyway, I had a really hard time finding a new job, so after a month of unemployment, I took the first one that was offered to me. It was only 22 miles from my house, but because of how terrible traffic is here, it was taking me an hour each way. I dealt with it, grudgingly. Then I got into an accident in rush hour, and totalled my car and got injured about a month and a half into the new job, a little over 4 months into our relationship.
A week later, we were preparing for Hurricane Irma, my first hurricane. I was terrified. (Did I mention that I have GAD? The anticipation turned out worse than the reality, but for a week, we were preparing for the worst, which is always worse with anxiety.)
A week after that, we lost one of our coworkers, so were shortstaffed and got extremely busy, so I was doing the work of 2 people, and also working Saturdays, which cut out about 40% of the time he and I would have to spend together during the week (This has been going on for 2 solid months now). Then our office hours changed, and my 60 minute commute turned into 80 minutes each way, because I got stuck in more traffic. Driving for a long time makes my back/neck/head hurt and ache almost daily from the whiplash I got in my car accident, so I’m in a lot of pain now.
Oh, and THEN right after that, my cat that I’ve had for 15 years had to go to the emergency vet and almost died. $800 later, he’s OK, but I was beside myself with fear and grief for about a week.
So, all of that has happened, and I’m not dealing well with the stress and anxiety, and it manifests itself in me as being very negative and pessimistic. I try hard to not let it show to him, but it’s hard. It’s my life, and about all I have to talk about. But he just can’t deal with it anymore. He feels that my negativity is dragging him down, no matter how hard I try to keep it up. He also is frustrated that when I’m with him, I’m so exhausted and have a lot of headaches and pain, that I’m just not as engaging and “present” as I used to be. He decided on Sunday that we need to take a break for a week and then decide whether we want to stay together, and I’m terrified to lose him. He’s fantastic, and I truly do love him. I thought he loved me, and that we would make it through all of these things together. I don’t know what to do. I kind of feel like he should cut me some more slack, because of all of the lemons life is throwing at me right now. Is he being unreasonable, or should I just suck it up and put on more of a happy face until it’s over so I don’t lose him?