(Closed) Boyfriend compliments my body, then criticizes it?

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@anon00:  it sounds to me like your boyfriend thinks you are attractive.  it also sounds to me like your boyfriend has a pretty strong fixation with superficial appearances.  

if appearance is important to both of you (and there’s nothing wrong with that!) you are probably a compatible match… but if his criticism is bothering you remember that age is an inevitable part of staying alive.

Post # 5
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@anon00:   This is kinda strange behavior on his part.  But, it seems as though you may have been the one to have opened this can of worms by inviting his opinion on your body.  So, now you need to close the can back up.

A couple of questions for you – do you compliment him/his body in return for the compliments he gives you?  How does he feel about his body, is he in good shape?

Some of his criticisms may be more a matter of him feeling insecure about his own body than meaning to directly hurt you.  It could be a deflection tactic.

To get him to stop this tell him you take it back that you wanted his real opinion about your body.  What you really want are his compliments on your body, not his honest opinion.  I get it!  I’m the same way.  Guys can be dumb about these things.

If he criticizes your tummy again, reach over and give his belly a pat and say the same thing back to him – “Looking a little bloated there, honey, eat too much salt on your french fries today?”  Maybe that’ll shut him up.  🙂

My opinion – never, ever ask a man’s opinion about your body.  Trust me, if he wants to have sex with you he likes your body.  Leave it at that. 

Post # 6
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@anon00:  I can’t imagine my Fiance making comments like this. He wouldn’t live to tell about it, that’s for sure. If you are both fixated on appearances, then I guess this can work for you. But if you don’t want to hear it – and it sounds like you don’t – just tell him. You’re not dating a personal trainer (or maybe you are, lol) and your partner is supposed to support you and make you feel good.

Or turn the tables – start pointing out things that could be better about his body. Sometimes people don’t get it unless you do it back to them.

Post # 10
Member
29 posts
Newbee

I think you may just be being too sensitive… especially since you gave him the ok to give you his “honest” opinion. You can notice things about the person you love and their physical appearance without it jeopardizing how you feel about them (if you are not superficial). Just like you said you notice his but you dont mind them. I think he is just trying to communicate with you effectively. He’s complimenting you for your benefit, letting you know he does appreciate your body as is “…but since you asked, here is a tip if you want to improve this…” kind of thing. I could be wrong but thats how it comes off to me.

Post # 11
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@anon00:  it sounds like the attraction comes more from love and conbection then true physical attraction. He still finds you attractive because he fell in love with you as a person, but that doesn’t stop him from appreciating attractive women, and I doubt he would complain if you did get more in shape.

Post # 12
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@BorealisP13:  I also can’t imgine my man syaing things like this about my body. I know he loves my body and sometimes he has reluctantly agreed with me a little when I complain about having put on weight here and there. But he is always quick to add that he loves me no matter what and wouldn’t leave me even if I gained 80 lbs…and I believe him.

You man is being insensitive and he seems far too concerned with superficial things. Maybe he will grow out of it, maybe he won’t. If I were you I’d nicely ask him not to point ever flaw he sees (real or perceived) and then if it keeps up I would point out his flaws to him and see how it makes him feel.

Post # 14
Member
463 posts
Helper bee

My guess is he does this because he sees your body (and maybe his as well) as just an object, and probably one whose primary function is to look good.

It kinda reminds me of the way I’d talk about my lawn or something. I can think that my lawn is the greatest in the neighborhood, but day to day still bitch about how it’s a bit yellow or it could have a better grass mix. If I were insecure about my nice lawn I’d expect to be told I was being ridiculous. I’m invested in making it look good, but not emotional about its looks as a part of myself.

I can see how someone might look at a body that way. Definitely ask him to be more polite about it though, because it sounds like you (along with most people) don’t look at your body that way. I also think it’s really unhealthy to criticize your body for doing things like bloating – your body isn’t just there to look good, it needs to do weird looking things sometimes to protect your health. Like bloating. Very important bodily function, it would be unhealthy and scary if that didn’t happen when it’s supposed to.

Post # 15
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I kinda find even the complements a little… weird? Idk, just too specific I guess. Like he views your body as an object to be analyzed rather than cherished.

I feel like if you are healthy and your guy is attracted to you, he shouldn’t be getting into specifics. I think that could create a ton of unnecessary insecurity and anxiety over very superficial things. Like gas?

OP, you deserve someone who thinks you are beautiful and sexy and amazing just how you are. Bloated belly and all.

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