Post # 16
Shesaidyes : When I said “its killing me”, its more about excitement and anticipation rather than neegative emotions and it being unbearable. Since the conversation took place today my excitement is at an all time high but talk to me tomorrow and I’ll be mellow about the whole thing again
Post # 17
I think you have to find a way not to think about this. Otherwise, every day next year you are going to anticipating a proposal. There are plenty of threads about bees overhyping events because they know a proposal is coming and then comes the resentment. Try not to live that life. Forget he said this… you are technically engaged anyway.
Post # 18
Distract yourself and do all the things that would be a little harder with a fiancé in tow and prioritise your independence.
Post # 19
My culture is similar, though I am not Indian. It is frowned upon to have a “boyfriend” in general or for a long period of time. Thankfully, my family is a bit more open minded. However, my bf met my parents, but did not attend family gatherings with extended family until it became more serious (he got baptized in our church).
I understand the culture and I understand the rules. However, in my situation, he made sure to do everything and anything possible to make me happy and my family happy – it was important to him as well.
If a man wants to marry you hes not going to say in 1 or 2 years etc to be engaged, that’s silly.
So much can happen in a year or two – personally, I wouldnt wait around (also given the culture)
Post # 20
weatherbee : Since you’ve already agreed on a date and are engaged, I think the two of you need to backtrack from this date to see when your ‘official’ proposal/ sit down with parents needs to take place. Some questions to consider:
1. Can both sets of parents meet up easily, or is there distance between them that will take time and planning to bring them together?
2. Do you want a large wedding/ have a particular venue in mind? Some venues fill up 18-24 months in advance. And you will have to co-ordinate the date with the ceremony/ officiant as well.
Post # 21
cameobride : You’re totally right. If I hype it too much next year I could leave nice romantic dates a little dissapointed. I dont want that. I definitely want to enjoy things next year and not be wondering if there is a proposal around every corner.
becks90 : I agree. I think it will be easier once my schooling starts in September. I’ll be a full time student and also working so hopefully I wont even have time to dwell on this.
engie : He definitiely does want to marry me. May 2020 is our wedding so if we get the ring and announce it to everyone we’ll be engaged for 3 years. I dont want to have an engagement that long. Planning weddings where I live takes 2 years so its understandable to be engaged for 2 and wait to announce it in 2018.
RobbieAndJuliahaha : Yeah we decided early January 2018. Our parents are 10 minutes away from one another and will meet in a family dinner setting. I dont have particular venues in mind but I do want specific photographers and videographers. They tend to be in high demand so booking them early 2018 for a 2020 wedding is a good enough time.
Post # 22
We’re waiting until our parents meet each other. In our culture the parents only really meet when its time to book the venues and start the wedding planning process. I can only really introduce him as a soon to be fiance, not as a boyfriend.
Well given your parents live 10 min apart ( I was thinking it must be different continents the way you phrased it ) so that arranging a meeting is easy , and given it is not done to intro him as boyfriend , why not get engaged now/soon so you don’t have to? Particularly as you say it takes 2 years to plan a wedding .
I would have thought , especially in a strict and traditional culture, parents would demand to meet a man well before his engagement to their daughter so they can have an input into his suitablilty. Are you keeping him a secret from them until the far-off proposal happens? And then you’ll say ‘hey here is my about-to-be-fiance?’
What of his parents ? Do they know about you ? I have to say OP, it all sounds very problematic and though you claim to be in control to the extent of setting that (far off) wedding date , it doesnt really sound like an adult planning her future , more like girlish excitement with next to no input in the realities of it all.
Perhaps you are very young and have masses of time to ‘wait’ ? If so please take all our advice and do other , autonomous stuff in case this ‘plan’ falls through .
ETAI just read your other thread and feel even less good about it all. Did you also have another thread under another name maybe , something about this seems very familar to me , the boyfriend being well-known to your family but you are both keeping secret the real nature of your relationship for not very clear reasons. It’s not as if you are particularly young and I assume he is even older . I don’t doubt your intentions in the slightest , but his…….idk….
Post # 23
elderbee : This is my one and only account. Thank you for your concern.
Post # 25
elderbee : I thought the same. Same tone and mentality in the other threads too, but I can’t find it now for some reason.
Her response to your comment is very telling.
weatherbee : I sincerely hope it works out for you.
That being said, given the culture, I find it hard to believe that your parents would be okay with you dating someone for so long without being engaged.
Your culture is similar to mine, and though some families do not follow it like others, my family is very open minded, and had it not been for my bf making an out of state move and working on getting settled, they would of not approved of our 2.5 years of dating before an engagement.
Thankfully him becoming a part of the church showed them that he was serious and they felt at ease that I wasn’t wasting my time.
I know 100% my family would of thought I was insane had I been thinking about vendors etc for a 2020 wedding without a ring.
Something about this leaves me unsettled. Again, I hope it works out, but I just don’t think it will. My suggestion, take it or leave it, is to focus on you and become independent of him in case it does fall through.
Post # 26
I don’t know why everyone’s jumping down your throat! It sounds like you and your SO are on the same page re: timelines and you are just getting antsy cause now you know the engagement is in the next year or so rather than next 24 months. You sound excited, not distraught or questioning whether your SO will ever actually get on with it. These responses are baffling to me. Unless I’m missing something?
Post # 27
Not even sure why there is a “wait” if you’ve both settled on a wedding date.
Post # 28
engie : I don’t see any reason for why I would lie about this since this is an anonymous forum. This is my one and only account…
“That being said, given the culture, I find it hard to believe that your parents would be okay with you dating someone for so long without being engaged.”
While you say your culture is similar, it is not the same. So saying something like “given the culture, I find it hard to believe that your parents would be okay..” is problematic. I know what goes on in my own culture and you do not. And that’s okay. If something doesn’t seem to make sense then you can ask for clarification instead of insinuating that I’m lying. My mom is the only one that knows about him and I told her 6 months into the relationship. She is more than happy for me to wait until we’re ready to be engaged to meet. Frankly I do not care if you believe this or not.
tiffanybruiser : Honestly, I don’t know. I’m on the same page as you and equally confused. I posted to get some help on how to deal with my excitement and impatience due to knowing it will happen in 2018. Advice that was helpful were the ones that said keep myself busy with reading and hobbies. I am not at all worried about my partner’s intentions
Post # 29
Help on how to deal with excitement-
Find something else to keep preoccupied with.
Find an extra job and save money.
Get your credit together.
Get a hobby.
Learn something new.
Focus on finishing school.
While 2018 is coming up shortly, you have to understand that 2018 also includes 12/31/2018, which is about a year and a half away. He gave you the answer on which year- store the information and act like it didn’t happen. Do not get upset with him for not proposing until 1/1/2019- but since you said he is clear on his intentions, you shouldn’t have that problem.
Good luck bee!