- 2 years ago
He has appologized for the money comment, that it came from a place of frustration, but that doesn’t make it okay. He has repeatedly said he doesn’t really feel that way, it just came out in the heat of the moment because he felt overwhelmed and distressed by how differently we felt about the ring.
We’ve talked through some of his presumptions about what I hope for or expect on our wedding day. For example, he’s the kind of guy who is always the life of the party and the last one to leave. I’ve previous said that I love watching him be in his element, but at the end of our special day, I’d like him to be excited to leave with his bride and have some special time with me. He somehow took that to mean I didn’t want him to drink at all that day, and for instance, would be mad if he and his groomsmen had a drink while getting ready. I don’t know how he jumped to that conclusion, but once I assured him that that’s totally normal and I fully plan to have a mimosa with my bridesmaids and he should do likewise he was like “Okay, sorry, I think I’m just being irrational about some of this because sometimes I make jokes about wedding related things and you shut them down really hard.”
As for all the proposal and centre of attention stuff, he has admitted that a lot of it is his difficulty with thoughtfulness causing frustration that he needs to work through and not take out on me. For example, he said when he first started thinking up proposal ideas he immidiatly thought of where/how he would most like to do that: At his family’s Christmas Eve party in front of all of his family and friends. But he knows I don’t want a crowd, don’t want a holiday proposal, and that it would be weird for it to be his family there and not mine (his parents live on the other side of the country). That idea came so easily to him, but he knows it’s not right for me. He is struggling more to come up with ideas he knows I’ll love, and he’s frusterated by that and feeling crappy because of it, which, coupled with everything else, is making him difficult.
He definetly does have some growing up to do, but when he’s not so in his own head he is very aware and willing to work on it. And as a teacher I think I’m actually drawn to that, painful as it can be sometimes. And we both acknowledge that there’s a pretty consistent pattern of me being more mature/ready for something, him dragging his feet a little, and then thanking me after the fact and affirming that I was right. He’s also gotten better and just trusting me and not digging in his heels, I think there’s just a lot going on with this particular scenario (certainly a lot more than I realized when I first posted here). Thanks, Bees, for helping me unpack some of it so we can work through it.
For those who asked, we’re 27 and have been together 5 years.