(Closed) Boyfriend doesn't want to be "second" husband

posted 6 years ago in Encore
Post # 2
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee

This is an excuse.  I suggest a deep talk to get to the bottom of the real issue is in order.  I’m pretty sure he knew you were married before dating you and in the last 2 years he has had thousands of moments where he could have brought this up.  Bringing this up now, while you guys are talking future, signals that he is using this as a crutch to get out of a relationship with you. 

Post # 3
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
swirlyclover86:  Totally agree with PP.  This seems like an “easy” way out.  He “can’t get over it?!?!?”  pffffft.  

Good luck on talking to him.  And you also have to make a decision about what you want.

Post # 4
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

He doesn’t want to be the second husband, but you being the second fiance is cool? I feel like there’s a deeper issue here for sure.

Post # 5
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Bellagio, Las Vegas

It’s insecurity more than anything. It’s his issue to work through, not yours. He needs to see a therapist. It’s not fair to you to stay in a relationship that he is second guessing based on something both of you have zero control over.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by indycolts3990.
Post # 6
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

You can’t change your past.  He knows this.  If he can’t get past this, do you really want to marry him anyway?

Post # 7
Member
362 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
xveronikax:  …he’s kidding, right? I agree that it’s an excuse, and a piss poor one. (Pardon my language, but seriously.) Deep talk time, as some other bees have already said.

Post # 8
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Stop wasting your time with this guy

Post # 9
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
xveronikax:  I definitely agree with everyone else on this one. If he doesn’t want to be someone’s 2nd husband and marriage is important to you, then there are only 2 options. One of you has to change your stance or this isn’t the man for you and you would need to exit the relationship. 

Post # 10
Member
5211 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
xveronikax:  Honestly, I think you need to believe him on this. He is basically telling you that marriage is off the table. Cut your losses and end the relationship.

This whole thing sounds very gamey to me. Some people can’t get past a prior marriage. Those people don’t then start dating someone who is divorced. I agree with pp that this is a piss poor excuse.

Post # 12
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

Oh, that’s mature.  NOT. It sounds like he is looking for an excuse. Loving you for the unique individual that you are and wanting to journey through his life with you by his side is what marriage is about, not who you were with in the past.  WTH???

Post # 13
Member
4232 posts
Honey bee

 

I’ll put on my flame suit. 😉

I would marry a widower but not someone who is divorced. Personal preference. However, I would make it clear from the beginning that this is my choice and would never had entered the courtship in the first place. So, maybe he felt similarly and intended to just date you rather than fall in love? IDK. Either way, he should have been very honest up front, if that is his feeling on the matter of being a “2nd husband.” Just my $0.02.

 

Post # 14
Member
3229 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I call bullshit!  This just seems like a lame-ass excuse.  He just does not want to get married.

Post # 15
Member
8031 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well, then I don’t know why he’s been wasting your time. If he didnt want to be someone’s second husband then he should have cut it off at the beginning. Thank god my (2nd!) husband didn’t feel this way!

The topic ‘Boyfriend doesn't want to be "second" husband’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors