(Closed) Boyfriend driving me crazy with poor communication.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

Don’t hint at him. Sit him down and have an adult conversation.

Post # 4
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Sit down and talk with him. Guys don’t read minds and they don’t take hints very well.

Post # 5
Member
9737 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Snickers675:   I think what you’re feeling is fairly normal and common.  It does not really sound like you have a communication problem or an unhealthy relationship at all.  It sounds like you have a pretty typical one.

Give the guy a little bit of a break!  I feel ya that men sometimes do tend to take us for granted once they feel they’ve won us over and that sucks, I know.  But, in reality, it is a good sign!  It’s a sign he knows you love him and he loves you and feels safe with you.

I know you would like more attention from him and that is understandable.  But he is also entitled to some down time of his own.  I promise you he is not purposely trying to ignore you or make you feel neglected, he is being a typical guy.

I’m married to the most wonderful man on the planet and I still feel as though he could give me even MORE attention than he does, lol. 

Neither of you are in the wrong here and neither of you loves the other any less.  He’s just settling in and feeling comfortable in knowing you love him and will be there for him.

Please don’t retaliate in any way, or pout, or do anything to drive him away because you’re upset.  That will only cause harm to your relationship.

He sounds like a good guy!  But he is a guy and, well, guys need down time and alone time, sometimes much moreso than us women do. 

I have a son who is 20 years old and adores his girlfriend but guess what her number 1 complaint with him is?  And guess what his number 1 complaint about her is?  He told me the only thing he has trouble with in their relationship is this, “Mom, she always wants to be  with me.  She always wants to be communicating with me.  I need to study and she is driving me nuts! I never have any time alone!  But I love her!”  Ok, my son is a typical male and practically worships this girl and she loves and adores him, too.  And they are planning to marry someday (after graduation/grad school I pray).  So I can see this issue from both sides.  At the moment I’m wishing Darling Husband would send me a loving little text or email or call me.  *  sigh  *  But I am married to this man, and we know we love each other and will always be there for each other. 

So, I will tell you, like I tell myself and my son’s Girlfriend – don’t be a bottomless pit!  Accept that he loves you and also that he is different from you.  That’s not wrong of him, it’s just different.  If you can’t learn (and this goes for me, too) to accept him as he is then let him go.

And, trust me, a man who smothers you to death with attention (*ugh yuck*) is the most annoying thing in the world and signals he’s insecure and needy.  Who needs that from a man?  Not me!  Not you!  🙂

((BIG HUGS!!))

Post # 6
Member
4338 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with PPs – sit down and talk with him.

My recommendations – I wouldn’t stress over the details like goodnights texts, but focus more on how you would like to spend your limited time together.  Maybe request that the weekend evenings be Xbox-free times, since he can play them on the days you don’t see each other or something like that.  Be clear about your wants, but don’t attack him for playing Xbox or not communicating.

It’s okay if you don’t text a lot during the day, or if it’s random. Focus on the quality time. Point out that during the week, he has a least 4 days where he doesn’t see you and can spend all evening doing whatever he wants – that’s his alone time.

Also, are there any games you can play with him?

Post # 9
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

I would talk to him…you’d think that since you only have a limited amount of time during the week to spend with him, that he’d put the controller down and actually spend it with you, not next to you with a headset on.  I could only deal with that for so long before I say it’s time to get up and go find something to do as a couple.  🙁

Post # 11
Member
287 posts
Helper bee

@Snickers675:  Wow. He’s 37 and still spends hours on an X-box? I really don’t want to be judgmental but isn’t that a little immature? Regardless, I do hope you two were able to work things out and he’s now giving you the attention you deserve. Smile

Post # 12
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You are on stand-by.  Texting is not a proper form of communication between a couple.  I know everybody loves to text but I guess I’m old school because I hate it.  Basically, you can’t more impersonal.  Tell him to turn up the volume on his phone and talk to you.  If he doesn’t want to do that then, honestly, he doesn’t want to talk to you so find someone who does.

Post # 13
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

*hugs*  I know how you feel.  M Darling Husband is addicted to World of Warcraft.  So believe me.  I know what it feels like coming second to a video game.

You must remember though.  He is a MAN. He will not pick up on your subtle hints.  You need to sit down and have a conversation with him and let him know how you are feeling.  What you will have to do is arrange “cuddle” time.  Or whatever you want to call it.  Something that you can both agree on and you will do nothing but spend time together.

I know how aggrevating it can be.  And believe me.  It won’t just get better.  You have to tell him how you feel. 

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