(Closed) Boyfriend finally moving here…right when I'm about to leave :(

posted 4 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Oh man! Nooo! Why is the timing so unfair?! Is there anyway you can stick it out st your current job? If you’re going to move back there in a few years after the wedding, why move away now?

Post # 3
Member
4813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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akshali2000 :   The distance will be less, and it sounds as if your job would be temporary.   Hang in there!  It will work out!!

Post # 5
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee

The train is likr two hours, right? Go to DC.

Post # 6
Member
1635 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Was he looking for jobs in your area so the two of you could be together? If so, then I think you really need to have a conversation with him about this. It sounds like the two of you have a lot to talk about, regardless. He has a very really job opportunity that would allow you two to be together, and you don’t yet have an offer? There is a lot for the two of you to discuss. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
3900 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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akshali2000 :  My advice wont be much help… as I can’t do LDR at all. So I would do what ever it took for me to be with and close to my love. Jobs come and go… I say stay where u are and look for another job locally it akes no sense to be moving there now that he is coming to you, it’s like you guys are switching spots!

Post # 9
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

“Why does it seem like the woman always have to choose between her career and her relationship?”

This is BS. Society expects the woman to always be “the giver” because they are “more emotional” and “home bound”…which is BS!

I think you should do what is best for YOU. I have met so many women in life who regret not pursuing her passions and dreans because of a guy. They might eventually be happy, but all of them wonder “what if”. I honestly couldn’t live that way.

In your place, I would sit down and talk with my boyfriend. You have a few options all of which should be discussed. Don’t be afraid of offering him to follow you to DC (because he will probably offer you to stat at PN), or to continue LDR (2 hours is nothing!). Whatever you do, don’t give in just for the sake of being together. Do what will make you happy on the long run.

Post # 10
Member
9402 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I’d probably put off worrying until you have an offer in hand.  There is no point right now, it’s only making you upset.

If you get the offer, I do agree with bees who say go for it.

Post # 11
Member
271 posts
Helper bee

Take the job!! I identify with you so much on multiple levels. I’ve been doing a job I dislike & that isn’t what I want to do with my life for the past 2 years, and it took such a toll on my happiness every single day. Now I’ve just started my dream job, and I absolutely love it. I come home from work in a good mood & excited about my future now, and it makes a huge difference. Also, I live in DC and it’s a great city!! There are a lot of career fields (international relations, national security, international development etc) that you can often only pursue in DC for the most part, so the difference in opportunity here vs. other places is huge. Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like you may be in a field like that. My sister actually works here too & is in a similar career field, but her plan has been to get good experience for a few years & then move back to our hometown. She just got promoted to a management position, and her job prospects when she moves back are SO much better now than if she’d tried to stay & climb the career ladder in one of the two companies in our hometown that do what she does. 

I also think you’ll end up resenting your boyfriend if you pass up on your dream job & this life experience for him. This isn’t exactly parallel, but I dated a guy in college long distance for several years, and this was a huge issue for us. I always knew I wanted to come work in DC after I graduated, but he was pretty settled (in South Carolina actually) and wasn’t open to moving. We tried so hard to make it work, but the resentment just grew & grew, especially because I always felt like he expected me to be the one to sacrifice my career just because I’m a woman. We eventually broke up, mainly for that reason. Now that I’m pursuing my dreams and I know how wonderful of a career I’d have been missing out on, I’m so glad I went for it. You guys will be much closer together with you in DC and him in PA, and you won’t have to worry about resentment destroying your relationship. And then eventually you can move back to PA after setting yourself up for success, or maybe he could even move to DC & join you there! 

Post # 12
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
akshali2000 :  I disagree with PPs.  If you are serious about this your boyfriend, I would stay in Pittsburgh.  A move to DC can happen in a year or two if you still want it to.  

You deserve to know where you stand with your SO.  Long distance is fine and dandy, but you just don’t know a person the way you would if you were living in the same city.  

I think that personal life is more important than career regardless of what your sex is.  You may disagree with me, but do you really want to waste time in a doomed relationship?  

It’s better to find out what your potential is, which leads to the second reason I’d stay: if I looked for jobs to be with my SO, only to have him move as soon as I got one, I’d be pissed.  That’s a pretty mean thing to do to someone.

You have to be honest with yourself and your SO about your relationship.  If your potential job in DC matters more than this relationship, it’s probably time for a break up.

Post # 13
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee

Well first we dont know if you got the job offer. Lets not put the cart before the horse.

If you do get it then we need to think.

I moved to be with my long distance boyfriend. As soon as I got there he cut it off. I struggled living in a big city for another year then got the hell outta dodge and went home. Learned an important lesson, don’t move for a man.

Financial security and independance should be your main goal. 

Post # 14
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m sorry you’re facing the bad timing! As another train of thought…everyone is saying hold off on decisions until you have the job offer. Well, on the same principle, I’d suggest you be careful about passing up on a job you would love because of a boyfriend, too. Not trying to be negative-but you’re not engaged, right? I obviously don’t know you two or your relationship — but as awesome as it sounds like you both do at LDR, I’d still hesitate to give up a dream opportunity for someone you only see once a month.

It’s just, I don’t know how to say this exactly but yeah – as a person (not just because I’m a woman!) – I’d definitely want to be with the one I love…but I would really hesitate to move for or stay behind for someone that I didn’t have a definite future with either if it meant giving up something else I wanted for my life, if that makes sense.  I’m just wondering if you two have made the forever commitment to each other or if you’re still seeing how things go…? Because I would definitely say to choose to be present with your life partner, if possible. But if that’s not a sure thing yet – I’d definitely continue living the life you want and keep working to keep him part of it as you already are, but not revolve your life around him, you know.

and did he accept the other job yet? (And without talking to you first…?) If he hasn’t yet – well, DC does have a ton of jobs. If he’s moving to be with you, I think he should look there too. If he’s only moving for the job, then I don’t think you should feel obligated to stay either. 

Post # 15
Member
861 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

i don’t think this will help, but i’ve done that drive several times. it’s always taken me a minimum of 5 hours. sometimes longer. there’s always traffic on one end and PA speed limits are just horribly slow.. and i would always make at least one stop along the way at a rest stop. just wanted to share my experience! (and that was all without snow..)

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