(Closed) Boyfriend finally moving here…right when I'm about to leave :(

posted 4 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 16
Member
945 posts
Busy bee

Wow congrats to you both on your career path advancement 🙂 I personally would value being closer to a significant other than to have my dream job because I prioritize happiness in a relationship over my career.  That being said, I would not ever entirely sacrifice my career for my relationships.  If I were in your position, I would stop looking in D.C. and start looking within a 3hr radius of your SO’s new position.  This way you could at least begin to have visits more frequently than once a month while still pursuing the advancement of your career path 🙂  

Post # 17
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

It sounds like he centered his job search there because you were there? So, while he quite fortunately, found a dream job, he looked there because you were there?

Personally, if that is the case, you leaving while he is moving to where you are is a hard sell. It may even end things. I think you two need to have some serious discussion- before he moves.

Post # 22
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

View original reply
akshali2000 :  maybe i just have really bad luck? lol. i suppose it really does largely depend on where in DC and where in PIT you’re going to/from. Maybe i just had it a bit worse. for your sake, i hope so! 

it’s just so exhausting. i did it every other weekend for a few months. good news is that the rest stops are lovely! 🙂

Post # 23
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
akshali2000 : It’s just a common story here in DC, and the way you talked about it made me think you might be in policy! I was talking to my boyfriend about your post last night actually, and we were both talking about how many people we went to school with for international/policy related stuff who never really got a chance to actually work in the field because they weren’t willing to move to DC, whether because of relationships or a desire to stay in their hometown, or just plain being scared of making such a big move. Of course, I can’t speak for those people and I’m sure many of them are very happy, but just knowing how many opportunities there are here & how much my boyfriend and I both love our careers, it makes me a bit sad to think of all the bright, capable people we know who’ve never gotten to experience that. I don’t know enough about urban planning, but this really is a unique city in that a lot of the jobs that people do here aren’t available anywhere else. I think that puts a bit of a different perspective on this whole question, compared to the type of job that you can find in a lot of different places. And there’s nothing selfish about prioritizing your success and your potential, particularly when you’re not engaged or married yet. DC to Pittsburgh is a MUCH closer trip that Pittsburgh to South Carolina, so like you said, you’re still accomplishing both goals. Good luck, and keep us updated!

Post # 24
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

I’d 100 percent go! If you don’t you could regret it and not get the chance again if marriage, children are things that you want 

Post # 25
Member
1270 posts
Bumble bee

Go to DC. I’ve found that men rarely appreciate what we give up for them as much as we appreciate sacrificies they make for us. Plus, I’ve always regretted not taking opportunities for the sake of a relationship. Besides, like you said, it is only temporary and you’ll be back in PA eventually. You’re not going away forever and if the relationship is worth it to him, he will wait.

Post # 26
Member
2149 posts
Buzzing bee

My advice might be unpopular, but I say go and end the relationship (for now).

You’re both young, you’ve been dating/ in an LDR for 2 years and trying to make a relationship work with distance, and that is really tough. I think if you go to DC for a few years, do so with no strings attached. You’ll be living with one foot in DC, and one back home… and I guarantee you, you’ll start to feel like you have two different lives going on. 

It’s really hard to talk marriage and proposal when you only see each other a dozen times a year, so for him to make the literal moves to be close to you and then you to run off to another city seems unfair to him AND you. I think if you’re needing more personal and career growth, you need to end things and let him decide if he still wants to move for HIS career goals as well.

Post # 27
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

As a bee who is older than you and who started their career in a policy related field I understand the geopgraphic requirements and restraints that such careers can pose. My hometown is of city of 1.2 million, but there are few policy jobs as it is not a capital city.  In my 20s I made some moves based on relationships that weren’t for the “one.” It didn’t help my career.

Since this period, I’ve actually transitioned out of pure policy into something more applied, but policy related and it’s nice to have more geographic freedom. One thing to consider if if you go to DC and get going in a career (which it sounds like you have the potential to do) it will be really hard to leave those opportunities in a couple years. Are there other more senior opportunities in Pittsburg that you just need some experience for? If so, a year or two might be doable, but if moving to DC is required for your career you might need to think about that very carefully and what it means for your relationship. 

It sounds like your bf is very committed to you and relationship. I also agree with other bees on here that you shouldn’t give up a career for a “maybe.” You both need to decide whether being together is the most important life goal and whether you want to get married. You are almost at a crossroads and you need to have an end destination. And btw I don’t think this is a gender thing where a woman has to pick a career vs. a relationship, I think it comes down to shitty circumstances that require difficult adult choices.  And at the end of the day there is no right answers. Careers are so important, but having someone to share your life with is too. 

Post # 28
Member
206 posts
Helper bee

I am in a bit of a similar situation, so maybe my experience can help you.  I am an urban planner originally from the PA area (Philly).  I know what you mean in terms of planning positions, as they are so incredibly difficult to find locally.  I moved to the DC area for a planning job with the intent of returning “home” to PA once I had a few years of experience and could get a decent position locally.

I’ve found that the transition from DC back to PA has been much more difficult than anticipated.  While I have the job experience now, many of the local positions in the Philadelphia region do not think of the DC experience fondly.  Different trends in planning has made it difficult to make that transition back or to escape judgement in regions that aren’t so progressive in terms of planning ideology.  I went from a strange position of having too little experience, to having too much experience in areas that the PA jobs at this point are not interested in.  Overall, I have seen a big cultural collide which makes it hard to get your foot in the door for various reasons, so you may want to consider that if you ultimately want to move back home.

Also, I’m sure you know, but the cost of living in DC is insane.  I was originally intrigued by what I thought was a high paying planning job in my position (compared to the same position in PA), but it would be incredibly difficult to live on just my salary alone without my Fiance splitting costs.  It sounds like you are really interested though, so I would keep considering it, but would also consider for a few more years down the line regarding where you ultimately would like to stay.  Congrats on the (soon to be) offer, I know how difficult it can be in the industry!

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