(Closed) Boyfriend finally moving here…right when I'm about to leave :(

posted 4 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 32
Member
206 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
akshali2000 :  Always nice to meet another planner!  You make a good point about the industry trends.  Looking back I feel like my post may have been a bit cynical, as I’m projecting feelings of disappointment over trying to move back to PA and am finding it difficult!

From a career perspective, I think moving to DC would really set you up for success.  Also, I saw you mentioned you would be working in the private sector, which I know is difficult to break into for young planners.  I bet your private industry experience would give you a leg up when applying to other jobs, whether private or public.  I know it is harder said than done, but it seems like moving for the job would be a great option.  Long distance is always hard, but I feel that both of you having personal successes in your career could really strengthen you as a couple.  There’s nothing worse than living with “what ifs”, so I would look into making the job happen and let the rest fall into place with time.

Sorry about my cynicism earlier!  I’m sure that working in the public sector you can relate to my moments of frustration. 

Post # 33
Member
528 posts
Busy bee

I say, if you get the offer, go for it! Life is so short and this sounds like an amazing opportunity for you. I see why you’re a bit hesitant, but I think the positives outweigh the negatives. You’ll gain amazing experience, live in a major world city and see your boyfriend more than you currently do. And, this will make a great story to share with any future children.

ย 

Good luck and keep us posted!

Post # 34
Member
4240 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

In your heart of hearts you know the answer to this.  If you truly wanted to prioritize your relationship you would have and when he got the offer in your city you would have wanted to stay.  But now you are pursuing other options and very likely will make a move to a totally new area.  How do you think that would make him feel?

I’m also one who had a long term LDR.  I thought we had a solid relationship, and in many ways we did, but I didn’t start seeing issues with our relationship until we started thinking long term about our careers and where we wanted to end up.  I was (and still am) very tied to where I grew up whereas he was of the “I will go where the job is” mindset, and we are in the exact same field.  We both moved to the same general area, though to different apartments, and I had literally the same experience as VictorianChick above — we broke up within 2 months.  It sucked.  Like, I can’t explain how much it sucked.  If I could do it again I would have broken it off and never moved to be with him.  My advice to someone in similar situations is ALWAYS “do not move for a guy”.

It also sounds like you guys really have not spent extended time with each other.  No matter what people say, an in-person relationship is ALWAYS different than a LDR.  ALWAYS.  I’ve had years of LDR experience and years of in-person relationship experience and it is truly different.

If you are offered this DC position and you take it, please do him a favor and let him know with advance notice to give him some time to re-direct his path.  It sounds like he is willing to move for you but it really isn’t fair for him to uproot his life, move 600 miles away, and realize you won’t be there.

Post # 36
Member
2572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

View original reply
akshali2000 :  you’re one of my favorite Bees on here. We’re not supposed to have favorites though… anyway I am rooting for you and your BF, I really am. And you are getting close, like you said. But it really is different living near a BF versus LD. I dated my Fiance for the first 2.5 years long distance (visiting every other weekend). We then moved in together, our six year anniversary of moving in is tmr actually. It’s so different. That being said, I hope you get the job and can visit more often. When are you supposed to hear back?

Post # 38
Member
281 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
akshali2000 :  Hi, bees have given a lot of great advice already. I wanted to just add that as someone who went away to college and pursued an advanced degree and moved across the country by myself that I HIGHLY value and recommend that experience.

The fact that you’re still considering the offer if you receive it, knowing your bf is moving to you shows that you want to gain the experience in the big city. That’s smart in my opinion. You are trying to launch and grow in your career and the DC experience is valuable to you.Plus it doesn’t mean you have to stay there forever like you said. If things are meant to be, you can move back to be with your boyfriend after you’ve gained the D.C. Work experience.

If I were in your shoes and not yet engaged, I’d be thinking along the same lines as you. You want to live your life fully and not ever have a regret or wonder what if. Good luck!

Post # 40
Member
4240 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
akshali2000 :  Hun, I did that for over 3 years with the same guy.  5 hours long distance.  We Skyped literally every single night.  We were in constant communication.  But…when we were together it was like a mini vacation because we didn’t get to see each other all that often.  We traveled together.  We knew each other’s families.  We spent holidays together.  So I get it.  Like, I COMPLETELY get it.  No matter how much you see each other or how many weekends together you have, you are not seeing the daily grind.  And I’m telling you, from experience, the daily grind is waaaay different than the weekend visits.

Now is really the time to make or break the relationship.  It sounds like you’re afraid to let him go because you’re afraid of not finding someone else.  You can and will find someone else if this doesn’t work with this guy.  Yet you may end up in this limbo for years and years if you don’t make the choice to progress your relationship.  I’m not necessarily talking about living together, as a matter of fact I highly recommend having separate places in the same city, rather, having a conventional relationship.  One where you can learn each other’s routines and see if you truly jive with each other where you may want to take things to the next level.

I’m not saying it won’t work out; rather, I’m saying now is the time to make important decisions in your relationship.  Holding onto him while he’s in Pittsburg and you’re in DC doesn’t seem like the right choice.

Post # 41
Member
1282 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
allywed :  I agree with this! x

The topic ‘Boyfriend finally moving here…right when I'm about to leave :(’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors