Boyfriend going out til late every time he's away for work

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
3740 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

If you don’t have any reason to suspect anything shady going on then I would probably let this one go. My husband travels a lot for work and sometimes there are days when I get a good morning text, a good night text, and nothing the rest of the day. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does I just let it go. 

Post # 3
Member
7645 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My opinion: “dinner and drinks til late” is stangely vague for roughly 10 hours (2pm until midnight). I’d  be suspicious and press for more information, and I think it’s fair enough to want to know.

I see from your history that you’ve been dating him less than 4 months, and he’s made negative comments about your weight. That’s not long enough to know someone well enough to 100% trust him, in my opinion.

Post # 4
Member
4867 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ehh I’d go with your gut on this one. 

Post # 6
Member
3407 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

If something makes you uncomfortable then you should discuss it. It doesn’t have to be some sort of accusation. Just talk to him about it. Perhaps he just really enjoys having a couple of late nights with the guys each month. Talk to him, get his side of this. And then maybe ask about doing a phone call at night every few trips if you missing him is part of the problem. 

Post # 7
Member
910 posts
Busy bee

I’m confused about why he can’t text without Internet? Does his phone need international roaming and he doesn’t have it or something? And if so, if he’s there on work then surely he can switch it on and be reimbursed for a portion of his phone bill while he is there. 

I would definitely trust my gut on this one. You don’t have to play the ‘cool girlfriend’. Talk to him about it and see what he says. 

Post # 8
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

dalia88 :  He is allowed to go out with mates/colleagues after work when he is away. It actually really does not have anything to do with you. If you really feel that it bothers you and you need to discuss it, do. It might lessen the burden on your mind. I really don’t understand what bothers you about this unless you really don’t trust him. In that case it does not sound like the relationship can work anyway.

Post # 9
Member
1217 posts
Bumble bee

Hmm I would let this one go, he’s probably just taking the opportunity to have some downtime and relax with his colleagues for the day. If I got to travel to a cool city abroad every couple of weeks and had the day off I would making the most of it and spending the day and evening out, not stuck in my hotel room.

I don’t know what country you are from or he is travelling to, but if i travel outside of the of the UK I only use wifi to communicate with people because the charges for calls and texts are ridiculous. 

Post # 10
Member
5972 posts
Bee Keeper

Sweetie, I can understand your boyfriend’s perspective. If I’m on a work trip/ convention etc, I’m in ‘work mode’….networking, socializing, but I absolutely do not flirt or do anything inappropriate.

Plus, under everyday circumstances too, not just travelling, I find texting during meals etc to be kind of rude. I can certainly understand a parent wanting to check in that their kids are okay or letting a spouse know you’re arrived safely etc. But if I’m out for a meal with my co-workers, I’m not on my phone with my Darling Husband and if someone else has their face glued to their phone, it’s off-putting and you feel like they’re only semi-present. Likewise if I’m out for dinner with my Darling Husband or family, I give them my full attention and am not distracted by texts from friends, co-workers, teammates etc. 

I absolutely would not put up with cheating in a relationship, but neither would I expect my Darling Husband to be texting me during lunch with others or going back to his hotel room so he can talk to me on the phone (unless there are extenuating circumstances) instead of going out while he is away with colleagues etc. I’d be fine with a text or two over the course of his trip, an ‘arrived safely’ type text, & we could catch up with each other over coffee or wine when he returned. If you can trust someone, you can trust them even when you’re not with them, if someone is untrustworthy that’s a whole different story….

Post # 11
Member
2020 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you have to go with your gut, but staying out late on work trips isn’t too suspicious on it’s own. I travel frequently for work, and we often stay out late (not till 3am), but maybe 11:30-12:30? We normally work until 6-7, then go to the hotel to change, do dinner and relax and have a few drinks and hang out. It’s better than just sitting in a hotel room by yourself. 

Post # 12
Member
4235 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I can see where you are coming from by being irked by this behavious. But I wouldn’t let it get to you. That being said, I am always an advocate of talking about your feelings. I’d reccomend maybe calmly approaching him about how you feel. Maybe he genuinely has no idea it bothers you. Here in Canada most hotels offer free Wifi, if it’s the same where you are, it probably wouldn’t kill him to shoot you an extra text or two while he changes to get ready to go out.

Post # 13
Member
3536 posts
Sugar bee

This is the same guy who calls you fat and makes you feel insecure, correct?

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