Post # 1
Okay, this isn’t a big deal, but I’d still like to hear your opinion on this.
My boyfriend (we live together) is away for work every 1-2 weeks. He’ll leave in the very early morning before I get up and comes back the next day at night. It’s always the same city, in another country (we don’t live in the US), around 3h flight from here. He gets there in the morning. Has meetings and then after lunch he has off til the next day at noon, when they fly him back home. He always goes with a couple of colleagues (he works for a big company), not always the same ones though.
I’m happy for him because it’s a change from the routine and he literally gets a whole day off (they only fly him back the next day, he doesn’t have to do any work), but what really starts to annoy me is- Every time he’s there (which is quite often) we quickly message while he’s at lunch, then he leaves and doesn’t message me til he gets back to the hotel. He doesn’t have internet on his phone so it’s okay that he doesn’t message me the entire day (even though I know he could get wifi at a cafe or so, but I don’t mind), but he literally never gets back ti the hotel before midnight, so I don’t hear anything from him the whole day. Usually, the next morning I check my phone and he messaged me at like 1-3am, saying he’s back at the hotel now. I never got mad, I never even said anything about it, but it’s kinda bothering me. I’m not sure why. I do trust him, but it bothers me anyways. When I ask him what he did til that time he says every time that he walked around with colleagues and that they had dinner and drinks til late. Oh, and I should add, he doesn’t feel obliged to stay out with them til late, his boss never goes on those trips, and he already told me that a couple of colleagues always stay in the hotel and relax instead.
So, whats your opinion on this? I don’t wanna come off as the crazy insecure girlfriend, but as I said, for some reason it is bothering me, maybe also because when I am on trips without him (which doesn’t happen as much), I always make sure to get back to the hotel not too late so we can talk on the phone for a bit, or I find at least a place with wifi so I can message him. Would you say anything? If it matters (which I guess it doesn’t, haha), I’m in my late twenties and he’s in his mid thirties.
Post # 2
If you don’t have any reason to suspect anything shady going on then I would probably let this one go. My husband travels a lot for work and sometimes there are days when I get a good morning text, a good night text, and nothing the rest of the day. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does I just let it go.
Post # 3
My opinion: “dinner and drinks til late” is stangely vague for roughly 10 hours (2pm until midnight). I’d be suspicious and press for more information, and I think it’s fair enough to want to know.
I see from your history that you’ve been dating him less than 4 months, and he’s made negative comments about your weight. That’s not long enough to know someone well enough to 100% trust him, in my opinion.
Post # 4
Ehh I’d go with your gut on this one.
Post # 5
aussiemum1248 : Ya, we haven’t been dating for long, but I’ve known him for longer than that. Well, last time I asked him he said he walked the city with one of his colleagues, then they went to a museum and then drinks and dinner. But the first two ones he can’t be doing every time I guess since it’s the same city. We resolved the stuff about my weight, so I’m not worrying about that anymore. I don’t wanna be someone who cannot trust (even though I’ve had a few bad boyfriends in the past), but I just also find it weird. Maybe because I compare it to my own behaviour if I were in the situation (which I’m also sometimes- I never get back home/to the hotel very late and make sure I message him during the day or at least before he goes to bed, even if that means finding some place with wifi).
Post # 6
If something makes you uncomfortable then you should discuss it. It doesn’t have to be some sort of accusation. Just talk to him about it. Perhaps he just really enjoys having a couple of late nights with the guys each month. Talk to him, get his side of this. And then maybe ask about doing a phone call at night every few trips if you missing him is part of the problem.
Post # 7
I’m confused about why he can’t text without Internet? Does his phone need international roaming and he doesn’t have it or something? And if so, if he’s there on work then surely he can switch it on and be reimbursed for a portion of his phone bill while he is there.
I would definitely trust my gut on this one. You don’t have to play the ‘cool girlfriend’. Talk to him about it and see what he says.
Post # 8
dalia88 : He is allowed to go out with mates/colleagues after work when he is away. It actually really does not have anything to do with you. If you really feel that it bothers you and you need to discuss it, do. It might lessen the burden on your mind. I really don’t understand what bothers you about this unless you really don’t trust him. In that case it does not sound like the relationship can work anyway.
Post # 9
Hmm I would let this one go, he’s probably just taking the opportunity to have some downtime and relax with his colleagues for the day. If I got to travel to a cool city abroad every couple of weeks and had the day off I would making the most of it and spending the day and evening out, not stuck in my hotel room.
I don’t know what country you are from or he is travelling to, but if i travel outside of the of the UK I only use wifi to communicate with people because the charges for calls and texts are ridiculous.
Post # 10
Sweetie, I can understand your boyfriend’s perspective. If I’m on a work trip/ convention etc, I’m in ‘work mode’….networking, socializing, but I absolutely do not flirt or do anything inappropriate.
Plus, under everyday circumstances too, not just travelling, I find texting during meals etc to be kind of rude. I can certainly understand a parent wanting to check in that their kids are okay or letting a spouse know you’re arrived safely etc. But if I’m out for a meal with my co-workers, I’m not on my phone with my Darling Husband and if someone else has their face glued to their phone, it’s off-putting and you feel like they’re only semi-present. Likewise if I’m out for dinner with my Darling Husband or family, I give them my full attention and am not distracted by texts from friends, co-workers, teammates etc.
I absolutely would not put up with cheating in a relationship, but neither would I expect my Darling Husband to be texting me during lunch with others or going back to his hotel room so he can talk to me on the phone (unless there are extenuating circumstances) instead of going out while he is away with colleagues etc. I’d be fine with a text or two over the course of his trip, an ‘arrived safely’ type text, & we could catch up with each other over coffee or wine when he returned. If you can trust someone, you can trust them even when you’re not with them, if someone is untrustworthy that’s a whole different story….
Post # 11
I think you have to go with your gut, but staying out late on work trips isn’t too suspicious on it’s own. I travel frequently for work, and we often stay out late (not till 3am), but maybe 11:30-12:30? We normally work until 6-7, then go to the hotel to change, do dinner and relax and have a few drinks and hang out. It’s better than just sitting in a hotel room by yourself.
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
I can see where you are coming from by being irked by this behavious. But I wouldn’t let it get to you. That being said, I am always an advocate of talking about your feelings. I’d reccomend maybe calmly approaching him about how you feel. Maybe he genuinely has no idea it bothers you. Here in Canada most hotels offer free Wifi, if it’s the same where you are, it probably wouldn’t kill him to shoot you an extra text or two while he changes to get ready to go out.
Post # 13
This is the same guy who calls you fat and makes you feel insecure, correct?
Post # 14
morningcoffee : Ya, he needs roaming for that. My phone/contract is the same. I don’t have internet in other countries, and neither my or his company pays for that. I still think he could use the internet at a restaurant or whatever, just to message me quicky.
Post # 15
RobbieAndJuliahaha : I completely agree with you, and I don’t do that either. Texting at lunch etc IS rude. BUT, if I know that I’m in another country and that my SO would be happy about a quick message, don’t think it would be a big deal to literally use 10 seconds of the day to write a quick message. Doesn’t have to be in the restaurant, it could also be later from another place.